Crimson Confessions
by Nephthy-san
Summary: Rikku, the perky Al Bhed we all love and some hate has a tortured and bloody past. Will her confession redeem her of her self hatred? Will she ever notice her determined admirer? One question still remains. How much longer can she keep up her mask?
1. Time to come clean

A/N: This is my first fanfic. Positive comments and criticism will be taken but flames will be ignored. I hope you enjoy my story. Remember to review on your way out and enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy X or X-2.

* * *

Chapter One: Time to come clean 

Looking around my messy room, I wondered where I put my favorite pair of yellow chocobo underwear. I found it under a large pile of clothes and stuffed it into my beige back pack. I stuffed in some other things that would keep me clean and collapsed on my bed satisfied that I had finished packing.

I sat up and groaned at the mess that I made. Dirty and clean clothes were all over the place. Machina parts were roaming around. Some spheres were on the floor after I tossed them there trying to get another pair of underwear. I fell back down on my bed and played with one of my braids.

I've planned this trip a while ago but I hadn't had the guts to up and leave yet. It wasn't another gullwing adventure. I just wanted to be alone for a while. Yes, the happy go lucky Rikku wanted to be alone. When I told Yuna that I was going to be gone for a while, she got worried.

_Flashback_

"_Are you ok Rikku? Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked in her usual motherly tone. _

"_Yunie! I'm fine. I just need a little me time ya know." I winked at her reassuringly._

"_Are you sure this has nothing to do with Gippal and him getting married to Nhadala?" _

_Gippal……now that she mentioned him I could use him to my advantage. But why should I act so heart broken over someone I don't even love? Sure I had something with Gippal but it wasn't something that could last forever. _

"_Of course not! Why does everyone keep thinking that we make a good couple?" _

_She looked at me with her bicolor eyes. She looked a little hurt. Sometimes I just felt like smacking her and telling her not to be so overly sensitive. But if she wasn't she wouldn't be Yuna._

"_Sorry" she said looking away from me. She walked towards the window of the hut. I walked to her and put a comforting gloved hand on her shoulder. _

"_No I'm sorry Yunie. I mean... Gippal and I had something, but it's over and it's not like I'm bitter." I said with a smile. Yuna turned around and faced me._

"_Plus Gippal and me? I mean come on! It's like an obvious couple; won't that be a little boring?" I did my trade mark bounce from side to side and laughed. _

_She smiled and giggled._

_"You won't be gone for a long time now?" she asked getting serious again. _

_"Of course not! I'll be gone for a week or two!" _

_End of flash back_

I stood up and looked at my room that looked like it was attacked by Anima. I really didn't want to fix it but when I came home from the trip I didn't want to clean it either. I decided to suck it up and clean it anyway.

Looking at my made bed and neat piles of clothes I took one last look at my room. There was a picture with everyone from the pilgrimage from when we defeated Sin. Everyone looked so brave in it but I knew everyone but Auron and Kimahri were scared shitless.

Now I was going to go on my own journey. I took my bag and opened the door. I took on last look knowing full well that my room will never be this clean again and I headed to Cid's office to say goodbye.

* * *

"Hey pops I'm leaving," I said dropping my bag on the floor by the door and walking up to his desk. 

He stood up and looked at me up and down. I felt his eyes trace my body. I felt uncomfortable him. I always felt like he was judging me and thinking about all of my flaws.

"You're leaving wearing that?" he huffed grumpily.

I had to admit that my sun colored bikini top and matching thong that was barely covered by my skirt was a lame excuse of a thief outfit and that it made me look …oh what's the word…oh yes…sluttish. But I liked it.

"Pops it's got a scarf and long sleeves" I whined "What more do you want!"

"How long are you going to be away?" He said looking at some plans for some machina.

"A week or two" I peered over at his desk and wondered what was so interesting about the plans, that he couldn't make eye contact with me.

"Just a week or two? You better not be going out with some boy" he put them away and this time I got what I wanted. His green orbs were burning into mine.

"Oh come on pops!" I turned away from him and crossed my arms on my chest. Why did he have to say that?

"Rikku" his voice full authority made me turn around and face him. It felt just like old times. When I used to do something bad and he would lecture me on it.

"Just come back in time. Now that Gippal is marrying someone else we need to figure out who you are going to be with"

"I'm nineteen pops….don't you think I'm a little too young to settle down?"

He sighed and stood up. He walked around his desk and stood right in front of me.

"You're nineteen and a woman now. You helped save Spira twice. Don't you think it's an obvious choice that I need you to secure my position? It's time to grow up and be an adult."

"I know" I said defeated looking at my boots. He was right but sometimes I just feel like I don't want to grow up and have any responsibilities.

"You and I both know that you're good for nothing brother will bring home down with him if he was left in charge" He grunted going back to his desk and taking out the plans.

He did have a point. It's been a year and a half after the whole Vegnagun ordeal. Our home is finally rebuilt but we're still adding and updating things.

"I know pops, but I just don't want to settle down yet," I said. I tried imagining my self married, with kids running around driving me crazy and an Al Bhed husband. But it wasn't coming up. All I saw was me alone and even that was a blur.

"Rikku when you come back there will be someone here for you!" he stood up as if it was his best idea ever

"Pops!" I stomped my foot in anger. I did my usual whine and pout. Why did he have to bring up guys all the time?

He looked at me and smiled if it could be called that. It was difficult to tell with him.

"Have a good time," he said

"Great!" I said throwing my hands up in the air "You've just ruined it with a promise of a husband"

I turned and went to the door and got my bag. The airship wasn't far away. My next stop was going to be Besaid.

* * *

The wind gusts were refreshing on the top of the Celsius. I opened my arms and pretended that I was a real gullwing. Wishing I could fly away and explore everything with out a care. No one would know or care because that's how I would want it to be. Just me. Alone and unafraid of what's around me. 

"Rikku get your but down here now! We're about to land" Brother screamed from the communication device that was in my scarf.

I made my way down to the elevator and punched in the desired floor. The steel doors opened and I made my way outside of the airship. Brother was already outside with his arms crossed on his chest.

"I will give you ten minutes to say goodbye then I will call you. If you are not here then I will leave" he said.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"I'll tell Yuna you said hi"

He blushed deeply. His love for Yuna ran deep. His love for her was blind because he was completely oblivious to the fact that she is our cousin.

"I will wait inside" he marched up the railing and went inside the air ship.

I turned around and started my exit out of the beach. The sand was so soft that it surrendered under my weight. The sun was blaring down. To any other person it would have been too hot but I'm from the desert so it didn't really bother me.

I walked by past some of the Besaid Aurochs. I didn't see Tidus anywhere but I kept going. I made it passed the secret cave and the bridge by the water fall. The air was cooler now as a gentle breeze kissed my face. I finally made it to the entrance of the village thankful that I didn't encounter any fiends.

Walking inside I saw many villagers doing their day to day things. Some kids were playing with a dog. I walked up to Wakka's and Lulu's hut.

I saw little Vadina playing in his little play pin. I picked up the one and half year old and tickled him. He giggled like a little mad man. His red hair tickling my nose.

"Hey Rikku! How ya doing?" Wakka said emerging from the back yard of the hut with some vegetables from their garden.

"Great!" I said putting his son down and giving him a toy to distract him from me. I looked around and saw that the black mage known as his wife was missing. "Where's Lulu?"

"Oh she's teaching some kids black magic in the cave." He put the vegetables in a bowl and started cleaning them.

"Isn't that a little dangerous?" I sat on a chair and watched him. Wakka was a strong man and to see him doing these basic chores of the house made him look dainty. To anyone else it would have been funny to see a grown man in a pink apron. But that just made me respect him more. Wakka was the man of many talents and pink was definitely his color.

"Nah Lulu can handle herself. She's strong and the kids are getting pretty good."

He finished cleaning the vegetables and sat across from me.

"So what brings you here to Besaid?"

"Well I came to say good bye, I'll be gone for a while"

"Ya? Where are you heading to?" he looked curious.

"I haven't really decided yet. Maybe I'll travel around a bit. Who knows maybe I'll have my own little adventure."

"Well have fun and be careful." he said in a brotherly tone.

I smiled at his concern for me.

"Don't worry I will" I said. I got up and I kissed little Vadina.

"Well I gotta go say bye to Yunie!" I hugged Wakka and made my way across the village to Yuna's hut.

"Yunie! I'm home!" I bellowed.

I saw Paine sitting down and covering her ears. I laughed and skipped over to her.

"What's up Dr. P?"

"Hey Rikku!" Yuna came inside from the back yard with a basket of fruits and vegetables she put them down on the table and went and gave me a hug.

"Yunie" I squeezed and let her go. "Hey you're just like Wakka. What's with all the harvesting?"

"There's going to be a festival tonight honoring Yevon"

"Aw!" I pouted. "I'm leaving and there's going to be a party!"

"Don't worry I'll party twice as hard for the both of us!" a cheery male voice said and I automatically knew who it was. I turned around and faced a smiling Tidus.

"How are you?"

"I'm great! I see you've been playing some bliztball," I noticed while teasing his wet blond hair.

"Yeah, something like that"

Sometimes when I saw him I felt surprised at the fact that he is still real. It's been almost two years since he came from the ocean and it's still a mystery the fayth can only answer.

But he's here. Yuna is happy that he's here. They are together and are great. They decided to take things really slow since he just popped out of nowhere…literally.

I turned my attention to Paine.

"So Paine how's Nooj?" I asked teasingly coming towards her. Her bloody orbs met mine.

"Respect points," she simply said. I always bugged here on her little crush on Nooj.

"How much do I have now?"

"Negative 20" she simply said like if I was asking what color was the sky and her answer was blue.

Yuna giggled.

"Wow, I'm still in the negative numbers? I know you're going to miss me Paine. I'm going away for a while," I said.

"What?" she asked. She stood up from her seat.

"Yeah Rikku is going to be away for a week or two" Yuna informed her.

Paine smirked.

"That alone gets you some respects points," she said doing her signature Paine pose which consisted crossing her arms at her chest and hugging her self.

"So how many do I have now?" I asked.

"Zero" she replied in a monotone manner.

"Oh yeah! I'm out of the negative numbers! Woohoo!" I said doing a little dance.

"Negative 10 Rikku" she said already annoyed.

"Oh man!" I whined.

Tidus and Yuna laughed.

"Why don't you leave tomorrow? Stay for the festival" Yuna said.

"Sorry but I have to make it today. Don't worry; the days will come by fast. I'll be back in no time!"

"It's going to be really boring with out you Rikku" Tidus said putting his hand on my shoulder. The texture of his wet cold glove made me a little uncomfortable. Like if it was too cold to be real.

"Of course! I'm where the party's at," I said laughing and slipping away from his touch.

"Have fun on your trip Rikku" Yuna said hugging me again.

"Rikku! Times up!" Brother yelled from my scarf. I rolled my eyes.

"Hello brother" Yuna said I stifled a giggle.

"Yu-Yuna?"

"Hey bother how you doing?"

All that came from my scarf was stuttering. I ended his torture and turned it off.

"Ok then I'm...off!" I said leaving the hut and making my way to the entrance of the village.

I started walking towards the beach. My mind raced with questions. The purpose of my trip and how I was going to survive this. Was I really ready to do this? Was I ready to confront my past? Did I want everyone to know that the always-happy always-smiling Rikku wasn't real? She was just an alter ego I made up to protect myself. I don't know why they haven't noticed. Isn't it obvious? How can a person be so damn happy all the time? One question haunted my mind the most. How much longer could I keep up this mask?

I was snapped out of my thinking because I bumped into one of the Aurocks. I apologized and went into the airship.

* * *

I got off the elevator to the bridge. I jumped off the railing and went up to Brother. 

"Where to?" he asked looking at me.

"Umm…." I didn't know. I went to the control panel and got the list of locations. I closed my eyes and let my finger fall on a random location.

"Rikku!" Brother was getting impatient.

I opened my eyes and saw the words Moon Flow glow from the rest.

"Drop me off at Moon Flow" I said leaving the panel and exiting the Bridge. The metal door shut behind me. I took a deep breath and let it out. It'll be awhile before I'm dropped off. Some rest would do me good.

The Cabin felt so empty. Maybe it was because I'm so used to having Paine and Yuna around. I waved to Barkeep.

"Missh Rikku what can I do for you?"

He was wiping the counter and collecting dirty plates.

"Just rest" I said smiling.

"Sleep tight" he said taking the dishes to the back.

I went up the stairs. My bed was the farthest from the stairs and next to the living area. Yuna's was in the middle and Paine's was the first. I sat on my bed. On my night stand was a journal. I brought it three weeks ago when the idea of making the trip came to me.

I took it and opened its blank pages. When this is over it'll be filled up to its rim of my story. I closed it and laid down. The soft pillow cradling my blond mess full of braids and beads.

When I come back from my trip I will finally be able to show who I really am. But am I going to come back and show them my true identity? Will they shun me and run away? Will they understand? What would they think if they find out that the ever so innocent Rikku is a hollow shell of a human being? A person who doesn't seem to care after they see the blood run out of their victim's neck after it's been slit.

I turned to my side and faced the other beds.

I know for a fact they wouldn't laugh. They'll think it's all a cruel dramatic joke, scowl me for scaring them and live the rest of their lives in denial of my truth.

I closed my eyes and let sleep take its course. Soon I'll be at the Moon Flow, where my journey will begin. My journey to come clean.

* * *

A/N: So... was it good? (I hope my grammar didn't suck that bad). Rikku is OOC but there are some moments where she is in character. I hope that the OOCness (is this even a word) doesn't turn you off. Thank you for reading the first chapter and remember leave a review. 


	2. How it all began

A/N: I deeply apologize for the long wait. As you will see chapter two is pretty long. It took me a while to write. (I only strive for the best). Thank you for those who reviewed. You guys are why I keep going. Even if it's only two people.

Leon S. Kennedy-ec-rud: cool name. I was getting bored of seeing so many ffx-2 fanfics go fluffy and generic on me. I'm usually attracted to odd pairings and even those are hard to find. Why won't people give it a chance? I don't know. I guess my summary isn't catching enough?

Keep-me-in-the-shadows: thank you a lot. I've never had anyone complement me like that before. (Blushes…clears throat) moving on. It takes me a while to write a chapter because I'm my worse critic. I want the best for everyone. Hopefully I did a good job on this chapter.

Oh yeah…um…review.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy X or X-2

* * *

Chapter Two: How it all began

"Missh Rikku" I heard a voice ask. "Missh Rikku wake up"

I opened my eyes and they were met with yellow sphere like ones. The blue figure known as Barkeep was peering down at me. It took me a minute to register what was going on and then I remembered.

"We are here yessh?" he asked.

I sat up and watched him walk over to the stairs. I stretched and yawned. Jumping up from the bed I took my back pack and journal from the night stand. I headed down to the elevator where my destination patiently waited.

I made it to the exit to say goodbye to Brother.

"If you are in trouble, you will call me" he said doing a hero like pose.

I giggled a bit then sighed. Sometimes I questioned his sanity.

"I'll call when I need a ride" I turned around and walked down the ramp of the air ship. I heard the door slam shut and felt wind it created during it's departure. The air ship disappeared with in seconds.

I looked around me. I wasn't at the Moonflow banks to be exact. I was at the road to go to it. Walking down I could hear the crickets chirping. I took a deep breath and smelled the perfume of grass and dirt. On the way I saw a young man and I winked and smiled at him. But I didn't make this journey to look at guys. I made my way past the tunnel that was created by the tall overlapping trees and finally got to the Moon Flow.

There was Tobli's band playing a beautifulsoft melody on a wagon near the Moonflow banks. It fit perfectly with the atmosphere. The Moonflow didn't look like a place that should have fast upbeat music. I admired them for a moment and moved on. I walked along the Flow seeing the pyreflies kiss and dance over the water.

I decided that this is the perfect spot to begin. I was near the music and there was a tree right behind me that provided the perfect shade. I sat down ignoring the fact that I might get dirty and dug through my back pack. I took out the journal and a pen. Taking a deep breath I opened it to a clean page and began my story.

* * *

Journal Entry #1

As a hyper active child I never really thought before I acted. I was clumsy and that always led to trouble. Either I was breaking something important or trying to steal something and getting caught in the act.

I never really had my own friends. It wasn't because Cid was my father. I was either too hyper to hang out with girls or too annoying to hang out with boys. So I forced my friendship upon Brother, Buddy and Gippal. Of course they didn't like me there but I knew that Brother couldn't just flat out leave me because pops would punish him. I took advantage of that fact and tagged happily along.

We were by the sand dunes digging for machina parts. It was our playground and fiends never attacked there. Sometimes an adult was there with us to make sure that we wouldn't leave and encounter fiends. But they were always driven away by our high pitched laughs, screams, and annoying questions.

There where other kids digging and running around playing games. I was with Brother and Gippal.

"Look! I found a part" I said showing it to Brother and Gippal. Gippal rolled his eyes.

"Rikku, you do know that all of these parts are planted in the sand for us to find?" he asked.

Yes. I did know that. I'd been digging in that playground as early as I could walk. I wasn't stupid to see that the adults planted machina parts and didn't bother to change them either. Gippal was just trying to get on my case. Even at the age of seven, Gippal always found a way to act older and mature and rain on my sunshine at the same time.

"Soooooo? I don't care!" I yelled "Why do you always have to ruin the fun Gippal?" I whined. I threw the part back down to the sand. I looked at it. It was same part that I found yesterday and after finding it, annoyingly paraded around Gippal screaming "Look what I found!" over and over again.

"Look, keep digging here, we'll be on the other side" Gippal stood up and dusted off some sand from his clothes.

"But I want to come too!" I said standing up. I felt the excess sand slither down my bare tanned legs. I put my goggles up to where my pig tails were.

"Stay here!" Brother was getting annoyed.

I huffed and kicked the sand. My little tantrum didn't seem to stop them though. Watching them leave I felt like I was going to cry. It wasn't fair. Why didn't anyone like to be with me?

There wasn't an adult on the outside of the entrance and I didn't want to wait for one. I got up from the sandy bed and left. I was so angry that I didn't see that my shoes were untied and I tripped and fell. I tried to block the fall with my hands and knees but it was a bad idea. The stinging sensation was starting to burn.

I stood up and saw that my knees and the palms of my hands were starting to bleed.

"Aww!" I pouted. I looked but there wasn't anyone around. I shrugged my shoulders and walked home. I didn't encounter any fiends because mom gave me a charm bangle, it repels any fiend attacks. Brother had one too but doesn't want me to tell Gippal because he always bragged at all the fiends that he's defeated.

I walked through the living area and went upstairs to my parent's room. Everything seemed so big in there. I looked up to where the bed was and saw a white dress neatly laid out on the bed. But my eyes traveled up to the shelf where the first aid kit was. I took a chair and pushed it to the bed and got on. I couldn't reach the shelf. I was pretty short for a six year old. I decided the best thing was to jump up and down until I could knock it off or grab it.

"Rikku! What are you doing?" The voice startled me and I turned while doing a jump to see who it was. It was mom and her bright green eyes were wide in shock.

I accidentally fell on her white dress. I saw that I stained it a little and looked up at her to see if she looked angry. Her attention wasn't on the dress. She quickly came over and looked at my injuries.

"I got hurt" I said sitting up and showing her my palms.

"Here, let's get you cleaned up" her voice was so soft and soothing. When I couldn't sleep at night she would always come in and talk to me until I fell asleep.

She reached up for the kit and opened it. It had many small bottles and cloths. She took out a potion and cloth and dabbed it on my knees. It felt weird because I could see the wound heal up. She dabbed some one my hands and I saw the scrapped skin reappear as new.

I looked at her dress that was ruined by my carelessness.

"Mommy I'm sorry about your dress" I said softly. I felt bad about it.

She turned to look and just noticed it.

"Oh it's just a dress, as long as you're better, it's all that really matters" she took the dress in her hands and she giggled like a little girl "No worries, I can always get another one" she folded the dress and put it away.

I wanted to get brother in trouble for not letting me play so I did what I did best.

"Mommy, can you tell Brother that he has to let me hang out with him?" I asked

She laughed.

"Now you know how I feel about you playing with brother and his friends. They're boys and play unfair. Don't you want to play with the girls?" she answered putting away the potion and reassembling the little glass bottles. She closed the kit and placed it back on the shelf on top of the bed.

"But they don't like me either" I complained.

She sighed and bent down in front of me.

"They do like you. Who wouldn't like you? Look, how about we spend the rest of the day together? We can go and by a new dress and maybe pick something for you!"

"Ok!" I jumped off the bed and she started tickling me. I ran and she chased me all the way to the outside of the house.

"Are you ready?" she said placing a note informing pops where we went on the door.

I nodded my head while still catching my breath. She took my hand and we were off to a different part of the desert.

Hand in hand, I felt this joy burst through my heart. She didn't see me as some annoying kid. She actually listened to all my babble and laughed at all my stories. Even if I made them up most of the time. She actually cared about who I was and I felt like I could tell her anything.

Our home was in the Sanubia Desert was like small city. Every thing was in different sections. There were here was broken ruins everywhere. There was also the Summoner's Sanctum where other Al Bhed lived. We walked passed that and went to the part where everyone sold items and clothes.

It looked like a huge scary dome from the outside. Inside was different. It was full of happy vendors trying to get you into their stores.

I stopped at the toy vender and looked at the new toys. Some were very small machinas with flashing lights, others were dolls and actions figures. I took a small machina. My mother didn't notice and dragged me away.

"Bye, bye" I chirped happily waving with my new stolen toy at the vender.

"Hey!" he said but we were already out of his sight.

Mom saw her favorite clothing shop. We went inside and my eyes were drowned with various colors. Mom went straight to picking and I was just walking around letting my hands just brush against the many different fabrics.

I reached a round rack and I went in the middle. I felt dizzy as I turned around and around with all the different colors rushing by me. I guess I turned a little too fast because the next thing I knew I knocked over the rack and a very angry owner was looking down at me.

"Rikku!" mom just came over and noticed what I did.

"I'm so sorry, it'll never happen again. I…" she said to the shop keeper but her sentence was cut off short. Everything rumbled around us. On instinct mom picked I up hugged me to her as if to protect me.

Everything rumbled again and racks of clothes fell over.

"What's going on?" she asked the store owner.

"I don't know!" he said shouting

The rumbling stopped and then an explosion was heard. I could feel my mom's heart beat through her shirt. She ran out the store and we were met with a mob of people panicking and screaming. Everyone was trying to exit the dome. We were pushed and shoved but it was all blocked.

That's when I heard a roar and the planet rumble again. My grip on mom tightened.

"Sin is attacking!" Someone yelled.

The ceiling of the dome crumbled on one side and the metal pieces fell on some civilians instantly killing them under its weight. The sun's rays came through giving light to the dim shopping center.

"This is impossible! Sin can't attack here! It only travels through water!" Mom yelled frantically, she was trying to find a way to go through the exit with out us getting trampled.

I buried my face into her neck. It was already damp with sweat and her pulse was insanely beating.

Sin has no limits. Sand would be its water today. It was all that could be said about the situation.

There was another explosion and more screams. We were shoved so hard that we lost our grip on each other. I looked up from the ground and my mom was gone.

"Mommy! Mom!" I screamed but no one came to me. People were tripping all around me or making me trip. I was walking against the direction they were running. I wanted my mom.

"Mommy!" I cried as I could feel my eyes fill up with tears. I was getting nervous and scared. I couldn't see her and everyone looked the same. Blond heads and green eyes were everywhere.

"Sinscales!" I heard someone yell. I turned around and saw that the entrance of the dome was getting clearer now but some Al Bhed soldiers were coming in with weapons.

"Rikku!" I turned and saw my mom. Her arms were open to embrace me. My heart overflowed with relief.

"Mommy!" I cried. I ran towards her. It was going to be ok. She was going to get us out of here and we were going to make it.

Then I saw her stiffen up. A large needle from a Sinscale came from the back and embedded itself into her back and came out through her torso. It shot out and exited leaving a huge gaping hole. I could see right through her.

I stopped dead in my tracks and felt my jaw drop. Her arms were still in front of her. The expression of her tanned face went pale and her green eyes rolled back.

"Mommy" I whispered with salty streams falling down my cheeks.

She fell down to her knees and she slumped backwards. A pool of blood soon surrounded her. I ran to her and I didn't care if people were still around me almost trampling me. I bent down to her head and cradled her. She was still alive but her breath was shallow.

"Mommy?" I cried.

"Ri-kku," she coughed up blood trying to breathe and talk to me at the same time.

Her bloody hand slowly reached up and touched my cheek leaving red imprints of her fingers.

"Ri…" her chest swelled up for the last time and let out a final breath.

"Mommy? Mommy!" she wouldn't wake up to my voice. Her eyes were open but the life and happiness that always shined through were clouded with death.

I kissed her forehead and held her close to me. Her soft blond hair was intertwined with my fingers as I gave her a massage on her scalp. Mom always got real bad headaches. She would let me do that to relax her and she would be good as new later on. That didn't help either.

A loud shriek distracted me from a far distance ahead. I looked up and saw a Sinscale coming towards us. It stopped and got ready to attack. Its needles pointed out of its oyster like armor and were aimed directly at me. I closed my eyes out of fear.

Then I heard a loud explosion in front of me. I expected instant death but I opened one eye and saw a blackened spot where the Sinscale used to be. I opened my other eye and turned around to see an Al Bhed solider. He put his weapon down and took off his goggles. He ran up and bent down to my level. He looked at my mother and recognized right away who I was.

"Are you ok?" Does it hurt anywhere?" he inspected my body for any injuries. I shook my head no slowly.

He cupped my face and peered into my eyes.

"I'm going to take you back to Cid. Everything will be…"

Before he could finish that sentence I felt warm blood catapult on my face along with sharp pieces of his skull. I blinked trying to get some of the blood out of my eyes but it stung. A jelly like substance clung to my face. Some of his blood seeped into my mouth but it was hard trying to keep the salty thick liquid out.

I had small cuts on my face from the sharp bones and they stung like fire. After blinking a few times, I saw what was in front of me. Half of his head was gone. The only surviving part was his bottom jaw. Thick crimson blood bubbled and gargled out looking like a water fall over his chin and neck. His hands still cupped my face. My body was paralyzed in fear and shock. The solider slumped to the side letting me go.

Behind him was a Sinscale. Its violet needles covered the rim of its concrete wings. It shrieked and stomped it's feet as if I was going to challenge it. I stared into its glistened oval ebony eyes. Its gaze of darkness raped me of my very innocence and it was then that I knew that I was never going to get it back or ever be the same.

It retreated as if some greater being was calling it back. Someone picked me up and turned me around. It was another solider. I looked up to him blinking and numb. He bent down and shook me a bit.

His mouth was moving but in my mind no sound came out. I felt his strong arms around me and he ran toward the exit of the dome. We were out with in seconds leaving behind dead bodies and other soldiers fighting against the sin scale. Outside of the crumbling dome was Sin. It roared as the soldiers tried to injure it with heavy machinas.

I felt tired. I buried my face into his chest, everything around me disappeared.

I wokeup laterin my bed. I was in my room. I looked around the pink room to see it nice and neat. From the window it looked like either early evening or very early morning. I looked at my arms and felt my face. The blood and grime were gone and my cuts were healed. I had on my pajamas. I thought that everything that happened was a big nightmare.

I got off my bed and went to the door. As I went to open it I heard a voice I didn't recognized.I ran back and hid under my covers.

"We still don't know how Sin found its way here." The voice said. My parent's room was right across from mine.

"How many casualties?" that voice I did recognized. It was pops.

"We're still recovering bodies. But so far 1500 have been found and identified."

There was silence for a quick second.

"Is everyone following my instructions?"

"Yes, no one is allowed to go out into the desert and all of our soldiers are searching the area and killing any stray sin spawn" The mystery man responded.

"I have to give a speech soon. I can't leave our people like this. Some words of encouragement would do some good at a time like this." I heard his foot steps walk back and forth in the room.

"Did you get a Summoner?"

"No, not yet. So far none want to help us send our dead because we're Al Bhed."

Pops grunted. "I'm not surprised."

There was another pause and more foot steps.

"She's traumatized Cid."

"She was covered in blood! How can't she be?" Pops sounded angry.

There was a dead silence for a moment.

"She's dead isn't she?" pops asked defeated. His weakness showed in his voice. It almost cracked.

"Yes…we found her body…I'm sorry."

"She left a note, explaining why they went to the dome."

"What are you trying to say Cid?"

Silence hung in the air.

"Cid? What are you trying to say?"

"If Rikku didn't ruin her dress then she would be here!" he roared.

I flinched. My heart skipped a beat at the loud boom of his voice.

Then I heard him break down and cry. I never heard pops cry before. And it WAS because of me. I've always got into trouble and felt guilty but this was different. I killed my mother. I killed her and she's not coming back. She wasn't going to heal my bruises when I fall. She wasn't going to listen to my exaggerated stories or laugh at my not so funny jokes. She wasn't going to talk to me at night before I go to sleep. Wasn't going to say that she would play with me and say she loved me.

Sorrow hung deep within my heart and consumed it until I couldn't breathe. I turned on my bed and faced the wall. I sensed someone in my room but I didn't want to turn around because I didn't want them to know that I was awake and silently crying.

"Esuna." I heard pops voice whisper.

I felt my body relax. The warm sensation ran through my body. I didn't want to close my eyes but the spell won the best of me. I closed them. The images of my mother lying in a pool of her own blood and the exploding soldier's head colored the darkness that my lids provided as pops words kept repeating themselves in my head.

'If Rikku didn't ruin her dress then she would be here.'

She's gone and she's never coming back.

The only person to blame for her death was me….

Rikku

* * *

I stopped writing when I felt my eyes blur a little. I blinked and I saw a tear reach the page. I wiped it off and noticed that it made my name smudge a little. My name was still there but it looked like someone was trying to erase it. That's how I felt at the moment. I felt like I was there but my emotions were trying to erase me from my existence.

I wiped my eyes and noticed that I was alone in the Flow. Tobli's band was gone and the people that usually stood at the end of the living dead river were gone. I closed the journal and put it in my back pack.

I stood up and felt the prickling feeling you get when your leg is asleep and it's grumpily waking up. I stretched and saw a lonely hypello walk by.

"Hey! Is the Shoopuf still making any trips?" I said

"Yessh," he answered. He turned in the direction of the traveling. I ran after him and finally got to the other end. Tobli's band was there but they weren't playing any music. I saw a mother of two trying to calm down her children and a fruit stand. My stomach rumbled and I walked towards it.

"Hiya! What you got today?" I asked admiringly. He was ayoung man of what I could guess fifteen.

"You-re Ri-kku" he stuttered.

I laughed at his nervousness.

"Yup! So can I have that fruit cup?" I asked pointing to the ice tub full of cups filled with assorted pieces of fruit.

He still looked like he was in shock. He simply nodded his head and went and got it for me. I wanted to laugh but it would only embarrass him.

"Thanks," I said paying the Gil necessary. I skipped off and walked up to the hypello that controlled the elevator. The Shoopuf was there looking as monstrous as ever yet it was well known for being a peaceful creature.

"Ride the Shoopuf?" He asked.

"All aboards?" He said talking to anyone else who wanted to join me. The woman with the two bickering kids came up. We got on the elevator and boarded the Shoopuf. I took my seat at the far end. The kids were still quarreling with each other. I was surprised that they didn't notice me and grateful for it. I got comfortable, sat back and I enjoyed the sweet juicy goodness of the fruit while watching the yellow sky.

* * *

A/N: Thank you so much for reading the second chapter. Remember to leave a review on your way out. I will try to get three up in another week.


	3. Living a Hollow Life

A/N: hey, did I keep my promise or what? Here is chapter three.I don't think it's my best, but I'll leave that up to you. Thank you for those who reviewed. It's worth every up date and me getting glared at in math class for writing (damn you Mr. Holmes!)

My forced shout out: to my betta reader (Lynn) who wants to be mentioned. There I did it.

Leon S. Kennedy-ec-rud: oh the plot thickens as more chapters come. So if you're drama hungry get your plate ready. Of course there's a love interest! I would never lie in my summary. But I will not reveal who it is. It's pretty obvious later on but I don't want to spoil it.

Keep-me-in-the-shadows: Thanks. You're cool and slamin! (sorry went a little 80's there) I hope this story will meet up to your standards in the end.

Insanely-Hot-4-U: Thank you so much! Your name is very cute. I'm glad that you are a part of the small following that this story is getting. I hope that this chapter will keep you interested.

Disclaimer: Does any one read these anymore? Oh, they do? Um…I don't own Final Fantasy X or X-2… not funny? Oh well, there's always chapter four.

* * *

Chapter Three: Living a Hollow life 

The Shoopuf finally made its way across the Moonflow. The mother of two woke up her once bickering children from their short lived nap. I watched them stretch, yawn and rub their eyes. I smirked at their little innocence. They looked at me and their eyes almost bulged out.

"Hey! It's one of the Gullwings!" the little boy with short chocolate hair yelled. He and his little sister ran up to me. She had bronze skin and the same hair color as her brother but her hair was neck length.

"It's Rikku!"

I stood up and welcomed them. It was weird having two little kids attached to my legs.

"Now don't be rude. Rikku is probably on her way to some important business affairs" their mother put her hands on her hips and tapped her foot.

"It's ok really, they are so cute!" I giggled and patted their heads gently. They let go of my legs and looked up to me. I bent down to their level.

"So how you guys doing?"

"Can I have your autograph!" the boy asked before I could get a reply. I stood up and checked my pockets for my pen. All I found were some rare sphere break coins.

"Umm…I have these, if you like to play sphere break" I said taking them out. His expression lit up with happiness.

"Cool! And they're the rare Lupus coins. Thank you!" he said running to his mother. I looked down at his silent sister. I winked and bent down to her.

"Here I'll give you something even better" I said taking off my earrings. I brushed her hair back and found it odd that all of a sudden it was blond. After putting them on her, I saw that she looked like me. I blinked a couple of times but she was wearing the same Al Bhed gear that I used to wear only they were full of blood and dirt. She looked like me on that day.

"Thank you so much!" she squealed and hugged me. I was still a little shocked. She spoke in my voice. I watched her go back to her mother. I watched her skip, covered in death like if Sin's attack never happened.

"Thank you Rikku" their mother's voice broke me from my stare and I looked at her.

"You're welcome!" I chirped and smiled. I looked at her daughter again and suddenly she didn't look like me anymore.

"All aboards?" the hypello asked. I took at step but then realized that I didn't have my get back.

"Oh let them go first. I have to get my bag"

The woman and her kids got on the elevator and waved good bye.

"Bye! Have a great day!" I waved

"Bye" they said in unison. I turned and took my back pack and waited my turn to get on the elevator. When I got down to ground level I tipped the hypello and made my way past the sleeping man leaning on the billboard. I made it to the woods.

I thought I would have luck on my side when it came to walking to the entrance of Guadosalam. But apparently it was against me. I fought plenty of random fiend attacks and was tired when I got there. I decided it was best to catch my breath before going in. I found a huge moss covered rock and sat down.

I dug through my bag and took out my water bottle. I took two huge gulps of the warm liquid and burped. Putting it back in the bag I noticed that the journal fell out. I sighed and picked it up. I might as well continue with my story.

* * *

Journal Entry # 2 

It was seven months after Sin's rare attack and home wasn't the same. The Dome was rebuilt. A summoner came and performed the much needed sending for our dead.

I wasn't really the same afterwards. I played in my room alone. I didn't want to really talk to anyone. Pops felt bad for me because I didn't have any friends of my own to go out and play with. So he did what he thought was best. He took me to work with him.

Every morning I would wake up and pops would take me to work. I felt special because I was his little worker. I would help him deliver plans and notes to other workers. Sometimes we would go to sites or see his air ship get built. I was the best little worker. When pops worked on plans I would sit at my own little desk with crayons and do my own.

One day I was bored out of my mind. Pops told me to stay in his office and not touch anything, especially his desk. He had to attend a meeting about his new airship. I looked around the office looking for something that would grab my attention for longer than a minute.

I spotted the model of his airship. He put it up high on the top shelf. He did that because I was caught a couple times before playing with it. I was usually scowled for it and he would end up putting it in different place. But no matter where he hid it I would "accidentally" find it.

I got off my chair from my little desk and walked over. It was too high for me to jump. I looked around the circular room. I spotted some boxes full of old files. I pushed one all the way to the wall near the air ship. Then I took a chair and put that on top of the box. I emptied out another box by letting out all the files. The once neatly ordered files were now a sea on the floor. I took the now hollow box and put it on the chair. I repeated that step three more times until it was high enough.

Climbing up my wobbly tower I almost fell twice. But I finally got to the top. I snatched the model too fast and ended up on the floor. I looked up and saw my tower fall.

It was like a bad domino effect. The boxes knocked down the drawers, the drawers tipped sideways and knocked down the globe, and the globe rolled out and slammed his desk and knocked down the lamp, which caused his coffee to spill all over some plans on it.

"Oops" I said after the commotion was over. The model that was in my hands was broken in two. But it was the least of my worries. I scrambled up leaving the broken model behind, and I took some paper towels to clean the mess. The plans that were once white were now this yellow smelly color.

I threw the towels away and went to my desk and got my crayons. I knew my clumsiness made it bad but I was going to make it better.

I went to his chair and jumped on. I then sat on the desk and began drawing on the plans. I used blue, red, and pink. I then added some orange and purple. Green was the finishing touch and I was done with it. I also drew me, pops, and Brother in the corner. I didn't draw mom because I didn't want to upset anyone.

I put the waxy crayons back inside their box. I heard the door knob twist and I looked up to see pops walk in with two workers.

"Look pops!" I chirped "I made the plans even better! And look it's me, you, and brother!" I showed him the multicolored piece of paper. Pops growled and turned red. The workers who were with him paled and almost fainted.

A couple of days after that little incident, pops decided it would be better for me to be in the play ground.

"But pops I want to be with you!" I protested attaching myself to his right leg.

He sighed and peeled me off.

"You should be with kids your own age. Get some fresh air. Go and dig, I want you doing something." He bent down and faced me.

"But I don't have any friends"

"Then make some" he said in a cold voice.

My eyes were at the brink of tears. I looked into his eyes. He was still hurt that she was gone. He was a cold man looking at the reason why his wife was gone. My lip trembled but I didn't want to cry.

Pops shook his head, sighed and then picked me up.

"Little girls can't do what grown men do. It's better for you to be out there running and screaming, just doing what you do best."

"But…"

"Do you think that mommy would be happy seeing you not playing around and bothering Brother?" he asked.

"No" I responded sadly.

"Come on lets get you to the playground." He said.

We walked until I reached the digging grounds. I let go of his hand. I heard him speaking with the adult in charge but I couldn't make out their words. I looked all around and all the kids were either digging or playing with machina toys.

"Rikku." Pops' voice broke my attention from the playing kids. I looked up to see him looking down at me.

"What are you waiting for? Go play." he patted my butt so that I would get on my way. I looked around for some familiar faces.

I spotted Buddy, Gippal and Brother talking. A grin broke out on my face as I made my way to them.

"Hi!"

They turned around to my cheery voice.

"Can I play with you guys today?"

"No Rikku, we're doing guy stuff."

"But I'm a guy too!"

"Why aren't you with your dad?" Gippal asked scratching his head.

"Umm…" I looked at my feet and tried to think of a reason.

"I know what you did!" Brother said arrogantly.

"You were never there!"

"You're always doing something!" he said pointing at me.

I thought about the broken model and plans. I pouted and put my hands on my hips with out a word, my silence informed them of my defeat.

"Look we're sick of this play ground, we're going to work with real machina" Gippal said.

"Can I come?"

"No! You're too young! Stay here with the rest of the babies" Brother sounded like he was already annoyed with me.

"I'm not a baby!"

"Rikku just stay, play with some other kids" Buddy said.

The adult that was supposed to be watching us was sleeping. They made sure that he wouldn't wake up and snuck out of the play ground. I turned around from the view of the entrance and looked around. I was looking for anyone that would at least want to play with me.

I located three kids that were digging in the sand. They looked about my age. The boys of the little group looked like twins. The girl had golden pigtails.

"Hi! I'm Rikku!" I almost shouted nervously.

They awkwardly said hi to me and resumed digging.

"So what are you guys looking for?"

I sat down next to them. I didn't want them ditching me too. I started digging with my hands hoping that what I was doing wouldn't annoy them.

"This is fun right!" I whispered a little too loudly.

Their faces scrunched up at the high pitch of my voice. I decided that keeping quite was the only way I could keep these new friends. My fingers dug deep into the creamy texture of the said. I gripped a hand full and it easily escaped through my fingers.

I kept removing sand from the neat hole I created until I touched something solid. I looked at it and kept digging until it was half submerged in the sand. It wasn't a machina part. It was shiny and red. I finished digging it up and found that it fit perfectly in my little hand. It looked like a gem.

"Hey guys look what I found!" I said showing the kids the ruby object. That red glow of the gem got their attention.

"Hey what's that!" the girl asked.

"I don't know but it's pretty!"

Little curious fingers left their imprints on the clear crimson gem. They were in awe at my discovery.

I beamed at my sudden popularity.

It came back to me. I put it to the sun and I could see it reflect a red ray. It made my eyes retract to their lids.

"Maybe we should give it to the grown up"

"But then we'll never get it back! I'm going to keep it!" I said standing up. I dusted myself off from the sand and walked away from them. I wanted to show the guys. I was thinking of the possible locations where they could have gone.

"Wait, I want to see it some more Rikku" the girl yelled before I made it to the other half of the play ground.

"Ok catch!" I threw the girl her arms reached the sky. What happened the next second I didn't see clearly.

The explosion and heat knocked me on my back. I was dazed. I didn't hear anything, my ears stung from the explosion. My body hurt. I sat up and saw that all the kids were running around screaming and crying. The adult was trying to evacuate everyone.

I looked at the spot where my new friends were and there was a blackened spot. I stood up. Everything around me seemed to go in slow motion. I walked up to their bodies or what was left of them. The twins were huddled together blackened with ash. It seemed like if someone touched them they would blow away in the wind. The girl was gone. Tiny chunks of body parts littered the floor. The sent of over cooked human meat filled my nostrils with a sour smell of death.

My eyes glazed over with tears. I hurt them. I killed them. I heard Sin's roar in my mind.

"Noooo!" I screamed holding my head and collapsing on the ground. It roared again. It was taunting me, it mocked me. It knew what I did. I had killed. I had shed blood just like it did.

I blinked and let the tears come down. I saw my mother with her gaping hole pointing at their dead bodies

"Rikku what have you done?" she hysterically asked. I saw right through her hole and saw blood drip down creating a waterfall of burgundy droplets.

"You hurt them! Now their dead just like me!"

"Noooo!"

I curled up into a little ball and tightly shut my eyes. I wished I could be alone. Away from everything. But darkness took its hold on me.

I woke up startled. I was in my room. The play ground was gone. Sin was gone. Mom was gone. My new friends were gone.

"How the heck a fire gem got into a playground! First the machinas go haywire now this!" pop screamed.

I crawled out of bed and went to my door to listen.

"I want the daycare dug up and excavated for any other gems. The machinas that went haywire earlier, I want them destroyed. Do you understand my orders?"

From the lack of response I guessed he was on the phone. I moved away from the door and got on my bed. I rested my elbows on the window and looked out side. The way the blue eternal sky kissed the vast desert. It was beautiful to anyone's eye.

I stood up on my bed and crawled out the window. The vines that grew on the wall were my latter to the ground.

I landed with a thud, got up and dusted off my butt. I headed to the oasis.

I made it fiend free thanks to my charm bangle. I slowly walked to it and sat on a rock. I looked down at the clear water. The tip of my foot made ripples in the water. They seemed small at first but then got bigger and bigger and bigger. One small pat on the water's surface can create strong lasting effects. Little did I know that the ripples predicted my future.

"Rikku"

I snapped out of my thoughts. I looked up and recognized Gippal's voice. I heard his foot steps approach me. I turned around. He had a big white bandage over his right eye. He sat down next to me.

"Hi" I said weakly smiling "What happened to your eye?" I asked.

"Me and the guys decided to fix a piece of machina. It went crazy on us and well this" he said pointing at his bandage. I looked away and back at the water again.

"Are you ok?"

The images flashed back to my head. The charcoal twins, the chunks of cooked flesh. They didn't deserved what I did to them. My eyes felt heavy with tears.

"I killed my new friends" I cried into his shoulder. He held me tight and touched my head comfortably .

"It's not your fault, it was an accident"

I cried so much that my head hurt. I knew better. If I agreed, then I would be denying their deaths. They were gone because of me. They suffered because of me.

He was patient. In silence we held each other because it was the only thing as kids we could do.

* * *

I heard foot steps coming towards me. I looked up and there was no one. I raised an eyebrow. It was probably my imagination. I took the journal and slid it in my bag and put the pen in my pocket. I stood up and dusted off my skirt. 

"That was a pretty journal" A soft voice said. I turned around with my back to the entrance of Guadosalam and faced the owner of the voice.

It was an elderly woman. She had a smile on her face. Her short stature was due to the fact that she was hunched over a bit. Her hands were behind her back.

"Thank you" I smiled politely at the snow haired woman.

"When I was young, I used to keep one. I would write in it every day to keep my memories alive."

I was a little curious as to how she got here. I wanted to ask exactly why she was talking to me. But instead of asking those questions, I decided to make her day and play along.

"Do you still keep one?"

"No, I don't remember much of what I do anyway. My adventures in my youth are over. But your journal must be full of those adventures you had with the high summoner." Her eyes looked at my body. They explored taking in every curve and line. I couldn't help but feel a little violated, finally they reached my eyes.

"I just helped a little. I'm just a person in this world like everyone else." I said shaking my head turning away from her. I didn't like her gaze. She wouldn't blink.

"Yes to the world you are one person. But to one person you are the world."

I didn't respond to that over used pick up line. I shrugged.

"Maybe…but I'm not looking for love" my face went serious in my reply.

"Then why do you run from it?" She asked like a curious child.

"What do you mean?"

"You keep running away thinking that distance will make things better. Instead you make it worse on yourself. The answer to all your problems is there. You're just too blind to see it"

"You don't know what you're talking about…you don't know me" I said turning from her and taking my back pack. She was pushing my buttons and I was mad at my self for letting her get to me.

"He will understand. Love understands all"

"What do you mean he will understand? Who's he!" I turned yelling angrily.

She was gone. I didn't see anything but some pyreflies. Where did she go? Was she real? The moon flow and the far plane would explain the pyreflies. But…would pyreflies travel this deep into the forest?

* * *

A/N: yeah, the old woman is mine, and what!…sorry got carried away there. If she was confusing in any way don't worry, she has some purpose later on. Now that you read chapter three tell me what you think about it by leaving a nice review….please? 


	4. Naughty girl

A/N: hey, I'm back. Just wanted to let you guys know that I'm very happy that more people are reviewing this. This chapter is very different. Rikku grows up a lot and fast. I hope I didn't rush through it. I tried my best pacing it, but I just didn't want her childhood to drag on for like three more chapters when I know you guys are probably bored. All I know is that if you like pets (i.e. kittens, puppies, or monkeys) don't flame me and say I have no soul for writing what happened. I just don't want any animal activists on my ass.

This chapter is dedicated to one of my betas (Lynn) and her love of monkeys….yeah Lynn... I have no soul.

Leon S. Kennedy-ec-rud: Weird indeed. I'm happy to know that you think you know who it is, but don't be sad if it doesn't turn out to be him.

Sdreamz: I'm glad you are enjoying it so far. Yeah, it's gory. But I wanted to show how a violent death can scar a child. Sorry if it offended you in any way. But if you don't like gory scenes, you can skim through those parts. I won't mind.

Lildevil0109: I'm happy that you like this story. One day I was playing X-2 and I just couldn't figure out why she was so happy to the point of scaring me. It's kind of disturbing having someone being that happy all the time. There are parts where happiness shines through but they are limited for the main fact that this fic is dealing with her mental and emotional problems. Don't worry; I won't torture her that much.

Keep-me-in-Shadows: hey, I really like your new story. It's totally bitchen. (Yeah… I really have to stay away from old sayings from the 80s) Thanks. I'm trying hard to keep the up coming chapters interesting.

Insanely-Hot-4-U: Your reviews make me smile. LoL. I'm glad that it's beautiful.

Shadows13: I couldn't read your review! Unless I rendered you speechless, but I doubt I did that, or was it so bad you ran away? Come on! Tell me what you think…please?

Celsie: Thank you. That made my day.

Now that I'm done with shout outs, let's go on to the fic.

Disclaimer: I'm a student in the Bronx, in an over crowded high school with like two text books per class. You do the math. I. Don't. Own.

* * *

Chapter Four: Naughty girl 

I reached Guadosalam. I was still confused as to how the woman disappeared after I yelled at her. But my mind wondered else where when I looked around the tranquil underground city. Its roots adorned it as if it were an infectious disease. Yet nothing could suppress its beauty.

I walked up and made a right, I walked up to go to the item shop. The door made a ringing sound that announced my arrival. The shop it self seemed small and crowed with the entire chest, displays of jars, and rugs. There was a picture of a magenta sun drowning in a sea of aqua blue hanging on the wall.

I walked up to the counter and put my bag on the desk. The shop keeper came out from the back.

He was a plump man with a shiny face. His eyes traveled from my face to my chest.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Rikku" his eyes moved from my chest to my face and back. I rolled my eyes and decided to not get angry. Instead, I smiled and acted as if he wasn't staring at my assets.

"Buy or sell"

"Sell" I said taking out all the items I swiped from all the random fiend encounters. They were weighing my bag down. I sold him all my extra items but seven black rings.

"How much would I get for these?" I asked taking them out and placing them on the table.

"375" he said.

"What! I can get more than that some where else!"

"Then what do you propose?"

"2500" I said smiling. Other shops offered this much. The bastard was either very ignorant or very cheap.

"My, aren't you a little greedy." He winked. He smiled a seductive manner that only a desperate woman near death would find attractive.

"How about we lower that to 1500" he said rising an eyebrow.

"1750"

"1650" he challenged me with a stare. I stared back not blinking, unwilling to loose. We were both silent, trying to see who would blink first.

"1700 and you sleep with me" he said leaning over the counter grinning like he won our battle. I blinked but I wasn't shocked at his offered.

"I'm not going to sleep with you" I scowled. He frowned at my anger.

"Well then I guess its 1650"

"A hand job and its 1800" he perked up and nodded his head vigorously.

"Done" he smiled. "We can go to the room in the back where the supplies are." he took out a huge ring of keys.

I sighed and gave him the rings.

* * *

I walked out ten minutes later. I left the shop keeper spent on the floor dazed on orgasmic pleasure. Before I left I washed my hands and while he was on the floor I stole back my seven black rings along with enough accessories worth over one million gil. A life of a thief is never easy nor is it honorable. 

I made my way up to the far plane. The entrance was guarded by a tall angry looking man. He looked at me as if he knew the irony of my 'deed' to the shop keeper and the nerve of me to visit my mother after wards.

"Do you wish to visit the far plane?" he said in a surprisingly soft voice.

I smiled and nodded my head. He let me through and offered to watch my bag. The empty corridor had an eerie feel to it. Some pyreflies looked as though they were bouncing off what ever they bumped into.

I reached the cryptic dead steps and made my way to the blurry mirror of the far plane. I looked through to see the plate. I went inside.

The soft orange sky was decorated with cotton clouds. I walked to the edge and saw the vast meadows of flowers. The ocean of multicolored petals moved with the gentle breeze. I looked up and thought my mother. Closing my eyes I thought about how she looked like the last time I was with her,

Her yellow sun hair. Her Emerald eyes that sparkled with joy and kindness. Her laughter from when I told a bad joke. The worried look on her face when she saw my injured knee. The smile she had on her face the day we went shopping. The look of surprise when the Sinscale needle went through her. The look of death had she as she drew her last breath.

I looked down to my feet to let the tears escape. I faced up and saw no one. The pyreflies didn't come up with the image of my mother. I turned around. Other people were around speaking to their love ones. I tried again and nothing.

Mom must still be disappointed. I didn't blame her. My life was dipped in sin and coated with a false sugar of happiness.

"I'm trying mom, but it hurts so much to look back" I said to no one in particular.

I turned around and headed to the exit. I had no reason to be in the far plane.

The guard politely gave me my bag. At the corner of my eye the red door to Le Blanc's caught my attention. It was late and I was tired and hungry. I walked down the spiral root.

A tall man dressed in unusual blue clothing, which made him look like he had on a skirt, with small eyes opened the door.

"Well hello little girl"

"Hey Logos!" I said jumping on him and giving him a hug. He pried me off.

"Isn't it a little late for you to be making visits"

"Well, um…" I felt a little embarrassed to say that I was homeless for the night. "I need some place to stay. Just for the night, I promise"

"Where are Yuna and Paine?" He questioned looking behind me.

"Oh it's just me" I said "I'm doing some traveling on my own"

He raised an eye brow.

"I'm looking for a place to stay. So…can I stay here for the night? I'll leave early in the morning?"

He was silent for a heart beat.

"Why not? LeBlanc is asleep. I'm sure she won't mind." He moved out the way and let me inside the luxurious house.

I looked around at the two stair cases that led up to Leblanc's chamber.

"This way. I will show you to your chamber" he said as we walked past the living area into the dinning room. He hit the secret button and revealed the entrance to the underground maze. Quietly we made our way to his room.

I walked in and studied it. His bed was so neatly made that a coin could bounce off it. The nicely swept floor shined from a wax finish. Everything in the room had its respected place. It was neat to the point of perfection. I felt like I didn't deserve it.

"Um…are you sure that I can stay in your room?"

"No it's ok, I'll room with Ormi, I'm sure he won't mind"

"Oh" I said a little surprised. Sometimes I wondered about the closeness of those two.

"Well the bathroom is that door" he pointed to a door that I never seen before. "And if you need anything just knock" he said leaving.

"Well thanks" I said closing his door.

The hot shower really did loosen my muscles. I felt relaxed. I changed into my pajamas and pulled out the journal. Chewing on the pen and reading the last words of the previous entry I remembered what I wanted to write. The pen went to paper and my story started to flow once again.

* * *

Journal entry # 3 

If I made it my mission to be ignored and unwanted then I succeeded. Gippal, Buddy, and Brother didn't really want me a round. Some new girl named Nhadala started hanging out with them. I of course was jealous.

What did she have that I didn't? Greener eyes?

Nothing I did would gain me access to their group. I gave up later on.

Pops decided that I should get a pet since I had no friends.

When I turned eight, I got a kitten. It was a unique kitten. It was blue like the Ronso. I named him Azure and just like me he was a clumsy cat. Pops hated him because he later got allergic to him.

People said that cats were usually afraid of water and instead cleaned themselves up with their tongues. I thought that it was stupid idea. How could an animal get clean when it's licking itself? I was willing to prove the world wrong. I, Rikku, could make a kitten take a bath and it would like it.

One night, after pops got home from work I decided that Azure needed a bath. We were both playing in my backyard and were full of sand and dirt.

I got Brother's old baby tub and filled it up to the rim with warm water.

I picked up Azure who was meowing and clawing at my feet and placed him in the warm water. He looked so small compared to the large tub. He stiffened up a bit and griped on to me as if his life depended on it.

"I won't let you go" I whispered like a mother. I poured small hand full of water on his tiny body. I smiled as he was getting used to it. I noticed that I didn't have a bar of soap to clean him with. I made him grip the rim of the tub. He curled up to grip even more.

"Stay" I said. He meowed in return. I went across the bathroom and bent down to the cabinet under the sink. Searching through various cleaners and bottles I didn't find a bar of soap. So I took a bottle of shampoo. In the process of getting up I banged my head under the sink and yelled in pain.

After recovering from my injury I turned around and saw that Azure wasn't at the rim of the tub anymore. I looked around the bathroom. He wasn't hiding any where. The floor was clean of wet paw prints. I slowly went up to the tub and looked inside. Azure was under water. I didn't hear him fall in when I bumped my head on the sink. I dropped the bottle of shampoo and got him out of the water.

He wasn't moving. His little body looked skinner since his fur was wet.

I pet him as if he could have felt my touch.

Pops and I had a private funnel for Azure the next day.

When I turned nine, I had seemed to have gotten over my self pity over Azure. Pops decided I should have a puppy.

The small dog was obsessed with biscuits. I would feed him one every time he learned a trick. I would usually keep them in my pocket for easy access.

Since I was nine and the "woman" of the house I was in charge of the laundry. I went into pops and brother's rooms and got their stinky clothes and loaded them into the washing machine in the basement. Biscuit was at my heals barking and jumping around.

"Sorry I can't play boy, I have to do chores." I gave him a biscuit from my pocket and gave it to him. He barked happily and started fighting with it on the floor. I left him entertained and went to my room. I took all my shorts and shirts and put them in the basket. On the way to the basement I took the detergent and nestled it in my clothes. While loading my clothes I noticed that biscuit was a trying to steal one of my shorts.

"Hey" I laughed and wrestled it out of his grip. I forgot the fabric softener. I looked down at biscuit that finally let go and left to get it. When I came back I noticed that he wasn't there. I heard something fall upstairs and guessed that he was getting into trouble again. I dumped the rest of my clothes and slammed the washer door. I loaded the soap and started the machine. I sat on top of it. Some times it would violently shake and I always thought it was a ride.

Almost like cries of agony. They stopped when I hopped off and stopped the machine. The basement was silent. Fearing the worse I took a deep breath. I opened the door to the washing machine. I felt the color drain out of me at the dismembered body that I saw.

I screamed in horror.

We had a private burial for biscuit. Pops said that he was just too hyper; that it wasn't my fault.

Pops decided that another pet would cheer me up from my slump. He gave me an exotic snow white Baboon with blue eyes. At first I wasn't really into the whole monkey thing but when he started to throw bananas at brother and kept picking on him, I fell in love. So I named him Akashi.

I started fighting and improving my thief skills on weak fiends. Akashi was always at my side and proved to be a well fighting partner with his aggressiveness during our battles.

After another successful attack on another Sand wolf, I looked the items that we stole and gained. Akashi was perched on my shoulder leaning in to see.

"Maybe we can make extra giil by selling these, what you think?" he didn't answer. He reached inside the bag and took out a banana and dug into it with his teeth.

I kept looking inside for water to give him when he was done. I felt him tense and his growl. He usually got like that when we were ready to battle. I looked up and saw a Wendigo. The hairy man like giant growled and stared at us.

I froze. My heat beat increased. Panic told me that we weren't strong enough to beat it. The smart thing was to escape.

"Akashi flee" I whispered. I didn't want to upset the Wendigo so that it could attack us. Akashi ignored my command. He shrieked loudly and jumped off my shoulder. He ran towards the fiend.

"NO WAIT!" I fell forward trying to reach him. He jumped on to its shoulders and bit into his neck violently. I got up. Fear or no fear, I was going to get my monkey. I stood in my fighting stance and threw a grenade at it. It roared in pain at the heat. It ripped Akashi from his neck and threw him down on the ground with a loud thud. I feared that Akashi was hurt but he just got up and attached himself to its neck again.

I kept throwing all the elemental gems that it was weak against. The fiend in sudden rage and annoyance took Akashi and raised him over his head and ripped him in half. Before my own eyes I saw my best friend die with in seconds. And I didn't do anything about it. Blood and organs showered him in his small victory.

Suddenly anger and hatred that was deep inside of me unleashed it self. I hit my over drive and blindly attacked with all I had. The battle was tough but I ended up being the victor.

After the pyreflies disappeared and I was healed completely, I walked towards the upper half of his body. His mouth was opened in an eternal scream of pain. I bent down and cried for not saving him.

I couldn't burry him. It hurt too much. Instead I walked away and went home. Pops asked why I came home alone. I told him that Akashi ran away. After that pops decided that I had no luck when it came to pets.

I lived on the next few years in a blank trance. I don't remember much because nothing important really happened. Before I knew it, I was a teenager who was insecure about anything and everything about me. I didn't like my new body. It was like I was forced into adulthood even though at times I still felt like a child.

Loneliness became my new best friend. I ate alone, I worked alone, I even started talking to my self but I had to stop when Pops looked at me funny.

I questioned why no one really wanted to be with me. Why did they distance themselves? Why was I too afraid to go up to them?

Then I figured it out. They knew. Their cold stares told me about my pets, they talked about the kids, and they whispered about the solider. I hung my head in shame because they knew about mom. I was the disgust in their eyes. I was a clumsy bringer of death. These thoughts made me emotionally numb. Nothing would spark a feeling. That is until I met something small, sharp and cool against my skin.

The razor blade was like a reality. It would let me know what real pain felt like. What it was like to be hurt. Sometimes I watched the blood pour out. Hoping that the poisoned liquid would leave me. That it would change me into a better person.

It was a different experience. The pain would alert my heart to beat rapidly. Pumping more blood to my system and making me dizzy. After a while my heart would slow down and everything around me would feel sluggish. Slow to the point where I would get sleepy. That was my indication to stop the wound from getting any serious.

I didn't want to seem like a true addicted cutter. I just did it on days where emotion was immune to my heart. I didn't worry about getting caught. To the world I didn't exist.

Work occupied my mind sometimes. But after work I would see everyone gather together and just laugh and joke around. How I wished I could have laughed and joked with them.

They would all get on their hovers and plan a trip to the other side of the desert where there were races and blitz ball. I doubted they would have invited me to come along.

Instead of trying to fit in with them, I would go to the oasis. It was my favorite place. It was the only place that no one else really bothered to I'd come and plop my butt on a rock and stare at my reflection for hours on end trying to figure out what my real purpose was. And every time I left the oasis, my answer never came.

Staring into the blankness of my mind, I sat at the oasis waiting for a light breeze to pick up. That day I was tired of work, I wanted to be alone.

"Cid's girl?" a squeaky voice from behind me brought me back from my thoughts. "What are you doing here?"

I looked behind me and saw a fourteen year old Gippal.

"Your voice is changing" I said.

"Yeah well you're to talk. I don't see a training bra yet"

"Hey!"

"Sorry Cid's girl" he said laughing. He walked up and sat next to me.

"You know you can be immature sometimes" I grouched

"Hey, why are you so cranky? Is it that time of the month already?"

"Gippal!"

We were play fighting and the next thing I knew he was kissing me. And what surprised the most was that it felt nice. It felt right. We stopped and he laughed a little because I still had my eyes closed.

I felt my face grow hot. He noticed my blushed and smiled that cocky smile that he would forever be known for.

"Never knew that Cid's girl liked me so much"

He helped me up from the rock. We walked hand in hand out of the oasis. I couldn't stop smiling. Why couldn't I this strange feeling. Was this happiness? Was this the reason my heart was beating so fast? Because of a kiss? My mind was telling me that I was going to fast. But my heart was telling me that it would be worth it.

Gippal gave me another kiss. A kiss that sealed our deal. Maybe being in a relationship would help me feel better.

Hiding the relationship from Brother and Pops was half the fun. Sneaking around for late night talks and kisses were exciting. He gave me a different kind of comfort I would expect from a friend. And being two horny teenagers with changing bodies, some things tended to happen.

Besides the sex, Gippal offered a sense of security and that I needed. I never felt abandoned. I just felt that I had to always be with him. It would sometimes bug him but I couldn't help it, he was all I thought about.

Our two year anniversary came up and I was depressed that he wasn't there. The crimson squad caught his interest. He said he wanted to show what the Al Bhed were really made of. I tried to convince him not to go. After all, who ever joined the crimson squad to fight Sin never came back. But he was stubborn.

I decided that it would be best to cheer myself up by going into Gippal's room. I snuggled up into his pillow and thought about all the times we had together.

His pillow had his smell which was of cologne and dry desert. I turned to my side to where his night stand was. I knew he would come back home to me. After all I was his girl. I sighed and sat up. I turned to get up when I saw something alien.

I saw a piece of pink string out of his night stand drawer. I revealed a pink thong. My mind raced with answers to justify the existence of the pink under garment. I didn't own anything sexy. Maybe Gippal got me a gift, and we were going to have fun when he came back. As my mind raced with many excuses my heart seemed to know the truth. It sank in despair. I took a deep breathe. I dug in further into the drawer.

I pulled papers and plans, but what got my attention was a small rectangular box. I took it out and opened it. In it was neatly folded papers. They were all in script and smelt of perfume. I read a random one as tears came down my cheeks.

"Nhadala" I said as I read the signature. I swallowed another sob from coming. I dropped the letter and without thinking got up to run. I tripped and fell face forward. Instead of getting up I sobbed and sobbed. I curled myself up and regretted ever coming into his room.

After my discovery I was back to square one. For safety reasons I avoided any project that Nhadala was involved in. I just knew that if I got near her an all out cat fight would commence. And if pops knew why I was fighting he would have mine and Gippal's head.

Now that I knew the truth, my heart wasn't satisfied with the results. It had the hole that Gippal once filled. Now it was vacant and it needed a tenet. I still wanted to have someone with me. I felt like I wouldn't survive if I didn't have someone who was like Gippal. I still craved the companionship and warmth that he provided.

I went through a lot of dates before I found the right guy. His name was Eigaar. He was the exact opposite of Gippal. And ironically enough that was what I wanted. Unlike Gippal he actually wanted to spend very second of his life with me. In the beginning he filled the empty spot but as time passed I noticed that I would like him less and less. Our relationship soon became one of unrequited love.

I started to fall back into my depression. I started being alone more and more. The reason being that Gippal was going to come home. He wasn't coming home to me; he was coming home to Nhadala. This I said to myself every day.

Letters would come home every week from our soldiers. I knew Gippal would write so avoided any mail day our home would have. I would leave the city and occupy my self with some fiend battles.

I decided on one particular mail day to sit alone near a cliff that out looked home. The night sky was brightly lit but the creamy white moon. The stars sparkled and winked down upon me. I hung my head. It was a beautiful night. A night where Gippal would be romantic and sneak me out of my room. I shook my head of such a thought.

I looked up to see home. It sparkled like the stars with its lights. Seeing our technology advanced civilization made me feel guilty at the fact that sin was running around killing everything it touched. The bright lights made it seem like a small city.

"Rikku?" a male voice said from behind me.

I turned to see Eigaar. He was standing there with an envelope. The wind started to pick up a little and made his hair move. He hesitated a little before walking up to me.

I looked at his face. He wasn't cute but he was a good guy deep down.

"Gippal sent you this"

The envelope looked small in his hands. I took it into my own and let my fingers explore the smooth texture. I felt like my heart was in my throat. I couldn't breathe. Tears started to form. I blinked and felt them caress my cheeks.

"Are you ok?" Eigaar asked "Do you want to talk about it?" his warm hand touched my tear stained check and wiped another one that was coming down. It wiping my tears was something Gippal used to do.

I closed my eyes as images of Gippal flooded my mind. Gippal kissing me, Gippal hugging me. Gippal trying to make me laugh. Gippal with that cocky smile eon his face, Gippal in bed with me. Gippal in bed in Nhadala, kissing her, he was touching her like he touched me. My anger swelled up inside me until it exploded.

"No! I don't want to talk about it!" my voice dripped with venom as I flung my hands in the air. "He could have just cheated on me with anyone else! Why her?"

"Rikku calm down!" He yelled. I could see the look of confusion on his face. I stepped back and slipped he grabbed my arm and pulled me close to him to keep me from falling off the cliff. Holding me from falling off the cliff. I pushed him away from me, we ended up switching places.

"Calm down! He hurt me! The bastard had the nerve to write to me!"

"Rikku!" he tried calming me down.

"No!" I said pushing him hard. I didn't see where he was standing. All I head was the slip of his foot and a scream as he fell down the cliff. The sounds of the jagged rocks and bones breaking were what lit up the night.

Then silence crept its way back. I walked slowly to the edge, my heart beating with every careful step that I took. I looked down and saw him sprawled on the rocky sharp ground. A pool of blood soon surrounded him. It was hard to tell the expression his face had. But if I had to guess it would have been one of surprise and terror.

I felt numb. I couldn't breathe, it was like a dream. I took some steps back until I wasn't at the edge anymore. I turned around and went back home. I knew that no one would ever look for him.

* * *

I closed the journal and stretched. I was called to dinner and it was cooked to perfection. After eating my fill I went back to Logo's room and fell down back on his bed. I stared at his red ceiling. With every blink my eye lids grew heavier and heavier. Sleep was taking over and I was desperately losing. Tomorrow is another day. My journey could always continue tomorrow.

* * *

A/N: Hopefully it wasn't rushed. Remember no real kittens, puppies or monkeys were hurt. Anyway, chapter five will be delayed. Instead of coming in a week and a half, it'll be two….or three. I know, I'm really sorry about it but I have (forced) AP tutoring for American History (bastard) and I have a HUGE paper on Huckleberry Finn due in that time span (damn you Mark Twain!) for AP English. I, again apologize for it but blame my AP teachers. Now, tell me what you think about this chapter by leaving a handsome review. 


	5. Lean on me

A/N: I'm finally back; I would like to thank those who waited patiently for this chapter. It's long, I mean it's freaking long (for me anyway)

Sdreamz: Thanks for understanding! I hope I kicked ass in that stupid Mark Twain essay.

Thanatos: Yeah, school sucks a lot. But it's something everyone has to go through. And to think I have to spend my Spring break studying for two AP exams.

Gohan-ec-rud: yeah Gippal is an ass. Even though in that chapter he was a "meanie" I still like him. I mean who doesn't find a guy with a missing eye sexy?

Celsie: I always thought that Rikku was a little deeper than how they portrayed her. She's a human being with thoughts and feelings not some blond ditz running around half naked.

Sciguy: Thanks for pointing it out. I'm a stickler too. I was beating my brains out playing both games trying to find my story line. I tried my best making the story not conflict with the real stories of FFX and FFX-2. But I guess I missed some points. (No one's perfect) I get what you're saying. The quote would mean that Rikku would have met Tidus way earlier in the real FFX (is this right?) but in mine she doesn't and I made both the Crimson Squad selections and Operation Mi'ihen happen separately. Oh well, I guess that's what fan fiction is about right. It's about people writing a unique and well developed yet plagiarized story lol .I hope it doesn't bother you later on.

Insanely-Hot-4-U: I'm glad you find brutal animal deaths horrifying and wonderful.

Ataramos: Thank you so much, your view made my day today. Let's see what happens in the future.

To Lynn: Thanks for cursing me out in school! I really appreciated it.

Now on to the Story

Disclaimer: If I really did own FFX and FFX-2 then everyone would most likely own a share because it was so easy to get and I'll end up with like $1.25 profit. No, I don't want to own FFX or FFX-2.

* * *

Chapter Five: Lean on me…I'll be your friend 

Waking up to a bright red room was not my idea of a good morning. It made me feel like I was drowning in a sea of blood. I got up and headed to the bathroom. An hour later I came out and looked at his sloppy bed. It looked like a woman slept in it, which I doubt ever really happened. I frowned at the site and fixed his bed. I packed my bag making sure the journal was never behind and left.

I proceeded through the tunnel and up the stairs to the dinning room. The secret doors opened and revealed a feast. It was full of exotic fruits, different flavored cakes and juices. My stomach grumbled at the site of enough food to feed Besaid for a year.

"Would you want to join…?"

I sat down before Logos could finish his sentence and started to pile my plate up with food.

"Where's Leblanc?" I asked with a mouth full of food.

"The boss is visiting Nooj" Ormi said.

"Looks like noojie woojie won't be able to sleep for weeks"

Ormi laughed. I felt eyes stare at me. I swallowed what I chewed and looked up.

"You sure you won't explode?" Logos asked raising an eye brow.

"Nope, I'm a black hole" I said and filled up my plate again.

"Really, then what explains your manners?" logos smirked.

"Hey I have manners!" I snatched the last of pancakes from Ormi and put them on my plate. I rubbed the butter on them and used the last of the syrup.

Ormi looked at me in horror of what I did. I didn't feel bad; it wasn't like he needed the pancakes anyway.

"Do you mind me if ask a question?" Ormi asked.

"Shoot"

"A-re you…are you pregnant"

I nearly choked on my orange juice.

"I'm sorry! But you're looking like you're eating for two"

"I could have sworn three" Logos added.

"Are you crazy? I'm not pregnant" I laughed. The humor was gone when I saw Logos look at Ormi and nod his head.

"We have to go. We have some errands to run" Ormi said

I looked at the both of them.

"Cool! I'll let myself out." I chirped. I poured some more juice in a glass. Both of the men got up and left the dinning room.

Something about them always made me wonder about the closeness of their relationship.

I finished my large breakfast and packed an apple for a snack. I left Leblanc's and was met with Tobli's band performing. People were around admiring their soft tunes. I walked through the crowd and sat down on a risen root and sat down. The band's tunes were almost hypnotic and relaxing. I took out my journal and continued.

* * *

Journal entry # 4 

Life on a ship wasn't any different from life at home. Pops wanted to resurrect a sunken airship. The purpose of the sea voyage didn't really matter to me.

I kept my self busy most of the time. I taught my self Spiran and after that I got bored. I had no one to talk Spiran with but my dad. And I obviously didn't want to talk to him.

I started seeing another Al Bhed. His name was Nimrook and his wife left him for his best friend. They both died on the honeymoon when Sin attacked their spot. I never really loved him and as time pasted I got tired of hearing him talk about his problems all the time.

He smothered me and worried that I would go off with someone else. The relationship was bringing nothing but stress.

I tried to break up with him as gently as I could but he got all obsessive and paranoid. He started freaking me out when he talked about me being his soul mate. He said that I would soon give birth to his child who would defeat Sin.

He would try and find ways to get me pregnant. He would hide my birth control or not use protection. He even had slipped me some fertility drugs. At some point I caught him rubbing semen on my underwear.

I was tired of trying to talk to him. So instead of me going after him all the time, I would make him come to me. I decided that I would give him the message and make it clear.

I was in my room and I set up some celebration drinks for us. I was working on my mixing skills and chose to mix a sleeping potion and petrify. It wouldn't hurt him one bit. I mixed them into his glass grateful that they were odorless and tasteless.

I heard a knock on my metal door. I turned around and welcomed him with a bright smile. He came inside and closed the door behind him and walked up to me.

"You wanted to talk? What's wrong?" He asked looking worried at my stomach.

"No, I just want to celebrate" I giggled and pointed to the table with the drinks. His eyes lit up. I felt a tiny pang of guilt. I wasn't pregnant but I planned to get him asleep and wake him up. In his drowsy state, I could tell him to leave me alone and that I wasn't meant for him.

He picked me up and spun me around laughing.

"I'm so happy." He exclaimed. I shushed him and took him to the bed. We sat next to each other and I gave him his drink. We toasted to a new beginning. His eye lids grew heavy and with every blink he looked like he was about to fall. Finally he blacked out and fell backwards on my bed.

I put the glasses back on the table and laid him down properly on the bed. I checked his pulse. It was there but it was faint. I didn't worry. Usually under those spells the heart tended to beat slower.

I sat on his torso and reached into my pocket and took out a soft. I made sure the liquid went down his throat. The warm sensation ran through his body and I felt it jolt a little. Nothing happened. I took out another one and did it again. No response.

I settled on a mix. It had to be a strong mix since a mix was what got him this was in the first place. I combined a soft and a remedy. His body radiated an eerie green color. He didn't move. I checked his pulse again and felt nothing. I placed my head on his chest and heard nothing.

I got off him almost tripping backwards in the process. He looked asleep on my bed. My hands were shaking with a cold sweat. I rubbed my arm looking around the room. How was I going to explain this? I wasn't even allowed to date, let alone have an affair with a crew member and accidentally kill him.

I looked every where, trying to avoid eye contact with the body. I saw my huge trunk by the small window. An idea came to mind and I quickly went to it and pulled it up to the bed. I opened it and emptied it out of all of what was inside. The trunk was long and deep. It had enough room for him.

I stood up and pulled his legs into the trunk. He slid in. I fixed the body so that nothing would be hanging out. He didn't quite fit since his head was the only thing that stuck out. I bent his knees trying to make him sink in a little deeper and closed the lid.

It wouldn't close all the way. I sat down on it and tried to lock it but it wasn't giving in. I got up and stood on my bed and jumped on it. There was a loud crack, like bone breaking, and the lid closed shut. I didn't want to know what was broken in the trunk.

I pulled and pulled but it wouldn't budge. I decided to push and it didn't work either. I gave pulling another shot and I pulled so hard that I fell back and rolled to the door.

I rubbed my heard and heard a loud bang on the door.

"Rikku, open up!" Brother yelled.

I got up and opened the door. Brother walked in like he owned the place. Buddy at least had manners and waited to be invited. I nodded my head and he came inside. Brother looked around my messy room. I walked over and stood in front of the trunk.

"So um… what's wrong?" I asked trying to seem like nothing ever happened. Brother looked at me suspiciously and looked behind me. His eyes widened in shock and horror. I felt my heart skip a beat. He knew that Nimrook was in there.

"Rikku! You are drinking?" he pointed to the table. I let out a sigh of relief. "I'm going to tell father!"

"Oh come on let it slide, I'm sure she won't do it again" Buddy said coming to my defense.

Brother grunted. "But you are too young; I don't want you drinking Rikku"

"I promise I won't drink anymore" I said

He nodded his head in satisfaction and smiled, but it faded away when he saw the trunk.

"What is that?"

I looked at the trunk and then at brother, then at the trunk again.

"Um… just some junk I want to get rid of"

"Do you need any help?" Buddy asked

I had to think. If I didn't get help then I was stuck with the trunk. And if I was stuck with the trunk and it begun to smell then I was going to be in big trouble.

"Okay…I guess"

Buddy picked up one end and looked at Brother who moaned in annoyance. They both counted to three and picked it up.

"Rikku this weighs a ton!" Brother said

I went with them. I watched the trunk carefully, scared that Nimrook would scream for help and blow my cover. We reached the deck and they let the trunk drop on the metal floor of the ship. It bounced up and the cover almost popped opened. I held my breath and closed my eyes for I feared the worse would come. I feared that Buddy and Brother would see a dead Nimrook with a broken head.

"Rikku are you ok?" Buddy's voice brought me back to reality.

I opened my eyes and saw the trunk, which was still closed. I looked at Brother and Buddy and smiled.

"I'm fine"

They pushed the trunk over the side and I looked over the railing. I saw the trunk splash into the dark blue water. And just like that he was gone.

"Thanks" I said walking away.

"Rikku wait!"

I turned around.

"Do you want to hang out with us? There's going to be a party tonight" Buddy asked.

I smiled at them. "It's ok, I'm sort of tired" Buddy looked a little disappointed. I turned and walked back to my room wondering if the ocean floor was as cold as my heart.

Weeks went by and no one questioned his sudden disappearance. Did I care about what I had done? At first I did. The image of the trunk being dragged on the ocean floor haunted me. I would wake up from a nightmare and see wet foot prints on my floor. But as the dreams stopped I cared less and less. If I was evil enough to do the deed then why should I consume myself with the guilt?

I was getting used to cutting myself. The more I cut the more immune my body was to the pain. I would set an ice cold bath and afterwards I would go in, clothes and all. The cold would stop the bleeding so I didn't worry much.

I liked the way it felt. It was a shock to my system. The icy water burned so much that it numbed my body. I would pass out sometimes and awake hours later in the tub. My body would tingle and ache back to life. Afterwards I would strip off my stiff clothing and go to sleep naked.

This was a routine that I followed faithfully until that one day.

I was looking through a book on machine parts. I was bored out of my mind. We didn't find the sunken and Pops was a little grumpy about it. So we were going home.

I heard a bang on my door and I decided that it was too loud to ignore. Brother barged into my room.

"Rikku, father has an assignment for us"

"Yeah, yeah" I said pushing him out of my room. I closed the door and walked over to my closet.

I put on my heavy gear and equipped myself with my grenades. I went to the deck where there was about ten other Al Bhed including Buddy and Brother. Pops was in the front talking to the group. I was all the way in the back and I couldn't see.

"Rikku, you're late" pops said as I made my way through the group. I nodded my head giving him a silent apology.

"Now, as you know our mission was a failure. But that doesn't mean that we won't head out there again to find the ship." He walked around a little then paused.

"We got a message from home; they want us to eliminate the fiends at Baaj Temple. The summoners are beginning to flood the temples to get their Aeons. We want to at least lend a hand." He looked at me "Plus it would be good training. I know that being on a ship for a long time can make you rusty."

We were dismissed. Since the ship couldn't go to the temple ruins we had to take a small life boat to get there. We got off and left one of our members guarding the boat. The rest walked up the stairs.

I never really liked these ruins. The atmosphere was dark and gloomy. The murky water crashed every once and a while against the decayed stone. The air was cold and misty. The thick quilt of the milky fog seemed to make the temple ruins look haunted. I walked carefully behind the group. The thunderous skies rumbled in anger and threatened everyone with rain.

"Stick together! We don't know what type of fiends are lurking around" Our leader said.

The group went ahead of me. I stayed behind and found some treasure chests that were already opened. That meant that someone was either already here or they left.

I looked up and decided to catch up with the group. They stopped and looked like they were about to plan something.

"Look, the area is too big; we need to make two groups." The leader said

I was put in charge of one group that consisted of Brother, Buddy, and two others. We excavate the area we were assigned to. There was a large purple door that wouldn't open.

"Lets leave, there isn't anything here"

"Wait" I said. I went near the door. Something was pulling me towards it. Something was telling me something was on the other side.

"Oh come on Rikku! There is nothing!" Brother complained.

I pressed my ear to the door and tried to concentrate on the sound. I closed my eyes and stopped breathing. I heard a roar. My eyes opened and took a deep breath.

"Something is in there! Stand back" I said and placed a grenade on the foot of the door. We all stood back and it exploded. After the smoke cleared it revealed a young man with a sword and a fiend opposite to him. We walked in but I was the only one who stood next to the young man. I whipped out a grenade and saw the fiend shriek in pain.

"Cool, you're on my side!" he said.

I never spoke a word. My attention was on the fiend that seemed to have razor blades for its feet. The fiend jumped high and prepared to attack. I jumped backwards but I still felt the wind of the blades as they almost touched me. The young man ran towards it and dug his red sword into its tough skin. A black liquid leaked out. The fiend used its arm to try and hit the young man but he moved with lighting speed. He jumped out the way and delivered another clean cut to the fiend. I threw a grenade at it and it shrieked in pain and confusion. The young man attacked again and the fiend finally gave way. It fell and disbursed into pyreflies.

We stared at each other. I took off my goggles and saw the look of surprise on his face.

I opened my mouth to say something but the group past by me and went to examine him.

"We should kill him" one of them said holding his knife to the young man's throat.

"No" I said moving to the front of the group. It was bad enough he was fighting for his life but it would have been worse if he was killed after wards.

"He's a fiend" another said pointing his light on the young man's face. His eyes squinted and he put his hand up. They took a step back thinking that he was going to attack. I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"No, he's a young man" I said stating the obvious.

"It's a fiend disguised as a human" Brother unintelligently chipped in

I gave brother a stern look.

"I won't let you guys kill him!" I said seriously angry and annoyed that they were that dumb to think he was a fiend.

"I don't understand!" the confused blond responded.

No one did anything and no one dared to question me when I walked up to the boy. He looked a little confused. I leaned in close to his ear.

"Sorry" I whispered. Then I punched him in the gut so hard that he blacked out. My hand hurt from his rock hard stomach but I didn't want the others to know. I turned around leaving the unconscious young man behind me.

"Get him back," I said exiting the room and leaving the group to bring him.

We got back to the boat and went back to the ship. Pops waited for us on the deck.

"Took you long enough" he grunted.

The young man was placed on the floor and the group was dispatched.

"Who the heck is that?" Pops asked

"I helped him fight a fiend…"

"She wanted us to bring him" Brother interrupted.

Pops gave me the look. The look that meant I was in trouble.

"Come to my office, we need to talk" he walked away and opened the metal door to go inside.

I looked behind me. Buddy and Brother stood by the young man.

"Don't lay one finger on him" I said "especially you!" I pointed at Brother.

"Don't worry, we'll have a guard" Buddy said.

I nodded and followed the same steps pop took. I opened the door to his office

"Don't you darn kids know how to knock anymore"

I sat down in a chair. Pop was silent then he looked at me.

"Rikku, what were you thinking? We can't take him in"

"But he was alone in the ruins of the temple. How was he going to survive alone?"

"I don't know how he got there and I don't care. That boy is not one of us. What if he's an Al Bhed hater?"

"Then….then I'll take full responsibility of all his actions." I said

"He has to earn his stay on this ship. Everyone works hard here, and since you trust him so much I want him to go with you when you go and excavate the ship."

"Wait, I thought we were going home."

"I changed my mind. Just because we didn't find it the first time doesn't mean we won't on the second. Plus the ship is near by. I couldn't believe it was under our noses this whole time. It'll be some hours before we get to the site so when he wakes up tell him he has to help"

My heart swelled with ecstatic happiness "He's good pops. He's quick on his feat and has this really cool sword"

He grunted. Not impressed with what I said, my heart sank.

"When he wakes up, ask him who he is and AFTER he helps we'll take him to his home" he said and turned around on his chair. I sighed happy that our meeting was over.

I left his office and went to my room. I took a nap and even that was short lived. I played with some cards but that just made my attention wonder.

I knew the site of the ship was close. I decided to go to the deck where the young man was. There was a guard with a gun. I waved him off and he left me alone with him.

I stared at him. He had unusual clothing. A white hooded yellow shirt that met his body half way. It was open to reveal a silver necklace with a pendant that matched his earring. The leather suspenders, which connected to the rest of his clothes, was a style that I've never seen anyone before. One pant leg that was shorter than the other one and the same logo that was on his necklace and earring was on the longer one. Maybe he was on a team. But where could he be from? His sun kissed skin would point to an island like Besaid or Kilika. But what would explain his clothes?

I looked at him and saw that he was sleeping comfortably. He was cute. But I knew better than to go there. All of my relationships ended up with someone getting hurt.

He stirred. I moved back. He slowly opened his eyes. They were this clear ocean blue and in the night they seemed to glow like the morning sky. He sat up and rubbed his stomach and groaned the word food.

"Hey are you ok?" I spoke in perfect Spiran.

His eyes widened in amazement.

"You can understand me?"

"Yeah," I said and decided to go straight to business. "Listen I know you must be hungry but I can't give you any food until you help out. It's a way to gain stay on the ship,"

"I'll do anything," he said standing up a little too fast for his own good.

"Great! There are some ancient ruins on the ocean floor. I think that if we work together and get the main control turned on we can bring up the big prize,"

He was a strong swimmer and good at holding his breath. I had trouble keeping up with him. That was when it hit me. He was a bliztball player.

When we got to the ruins activated the main generator. The electricity lit the other wise dark water. But the light attracted an un-welcomed guessed. We had to face a giant squid. We took our battle positions.

Tidus went straight towards it and sliced at a tentacle. I made sure that he wasn't too close to the fiend and threw a grenade. The squid retaliated and sent two tentacles my way. I tried to dodge but I wasn't fast enough. I got hit four times. It hurt and stung at the same time. I felt weak and heavy. Tidus rushed tot my aid and gave me a potion. I felt the warm sensation run through my body. I jolted up and attacked. Tidus did the same.

The battle kept going and that was when wee decided to change our plan. He gestured me to go behind and attack the fiend from behind while he attacked from the front. I swam over and decided combine two grenades. The fiend seemed to roar in pain but its misery wasn't complete with out Tidus hitting his over drive. He seemed to power up and hit the squid with all his strength. The squid stood still and melted into pyreflies that signaled our victory.

I saw a whole near t he side of the room and swam towards it. Tidus followed suit. We reached the surface and we were helped on board.

"I'll get you something to eat" I told him. He was going to follow me but some one stopped him

"Hey I helped didn't I!" was the last thing I heard before hearing the metal door shut behind me.

I went into the kitchen and scrambled something up. I put the plate of food on a tray and made my way up to the deck.

"You're feeding him!" Brother said outraged before I could open the door.

"Well yeah he's hungry and he helped out"

He mumbled something angrily but I chose to ignore it. I opened the metal door and the guard took it as a signal to leave. The boy was on the floor so I placed the tray close to him.

He started eating too fast. Like he was racing against his hunger to see who could eat the most. I wondered how many days he spent at the ruins alone. He started gagging.

"You're eating too fast" I said and gave him a canister of water. He drank his fill.

"Are you better?" I asked taking the flask away.

He nodded his head and then stood up laughing. Then he took my hands. Either he was happy that he was alive or he was crazy.

"What's your name?" he asked me.

"My name is Rikku"

Then he laughed.

"So you do understand me!" he said "Hey how come you didn't speak to me earlier?"

"I wanted to but then the group came in. They all thought you were some kind of fiend". I made a gesture of a slashing of the throat.

Tidus nodded his head at my answer. "Who are you guys anyway?"

I was a little surprised. Everyone knew what an Al Bhed was. Our blond hair and swirl decorated green eyes were a dead give away. But I decided to explain it to him anyway.

"We're from the Al Bhed tribe. We work a lot on improving machina and using it in everyday life. People don't like us very much. It's not hard to find us in a crowd. Our language and eyes usually give us a way."

"Oh" he said letting the information sink in.

"Do you hate the Albhed?" I asked. I doubted that it was true but pops was right. You just never knew.

"Hate you? I don't even know who you guys are!" he said throwing his hands in the air.

"Oh…so where are you from?"

"Zanarkand." He smiled. "I'm the ace of the Zanarkand Apes, the city's Bliztball team." He made a kicking gesture.

I looked at him now with worry. If he was talking about the Zanarkand ruins then I have a bigger problem on my hands.

"Did you hit your head too hard?" I asked.

"Nope, but you hit me" he said.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that…umm…do you remember anything before that?"

He told me about that he was staring in a major bliztball game in Zanarkand, then Sin's attack during the game, getting help from a man named Auron who gave him the sword, then hanging off a cliff, being wrapped into a bright light and being almost swallowed by a monster.

"And then I met you"

I let all the information marinate in my head. If he really was from Zanarkand then that would make him over one thousand years old.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Oh…." I snapped back into reality.

"Maybe you just got close to Sin. But that's okay. We can fix you up. People who get too close to Sin usually get their heads mixed up. So, you're not the only one." I said trying tot make to the situation a little better.

"I'm sick?" He questioned.

"Zanarkand doesn't exist anymore…It was destroyed by Sin a thousand years ago. So, you can't be a Bliztball player from Zanarkand"

He was quiet letting the information sink into his head. And when it did he looked paranoid and a little scared.

"A thousand years ago? I saw Sin attack Zanarkand and that was a thousand years ago! I can't believe that!" he yelled frantically. The guard looked our way and raised his gun. I looked over and shook my head no.

The last thing I needed was Tidus having a nervous break down and getting shot.

"Hey" I said suddenly. It stopped him from going on his ranting.

"What?"

"You're a Bliztball player, right?"

"Yeah"

"Maybe if we go to Luca, we can figure out something. Bliztball is really popular over there. Maybe there's someone there who knows you. Maybe it'll help you remember something."

"Luca?"

"Okay! Just leave it to me! I'll take you to Luca!"

He looked unsure.

"Don't you want to go?" I asked "or do you want to stay here?" I pointed to the guard.

He shook his head no vigorously. I laughed a little. Before I left to go tell Pops, something popped into my head.

"Ah, from now on, remember this. Its better not to tell people that you're from Zanarkand. Some people will probably get offended because Zanarkand is aholy place. I don't want you getting hurt" I said smiling.

"Sure..." he said smiling back.

I left and went to pop's office. I didn't bother telling him about Tidus being poisoned by Sin. It was decided that we were going to go to Luca to get more supplies and drop Tidus home.

Having Tidus around wasn't bad at all. In fact I liked him a lot. He was different from anyone I had ever met. He was cheerful and sweet. He was the only person that talked Spiran and we were always together. He was my new best friend. He made me happy in a goofy sort of way. He found ways to make me laugh. He told me about his Zanarkand. It sort of reminded me of home.

Brother didn't like him at all. When we were alone in my room Brother would interrupt us every five minutes making sure that Tidus didn't try anything.

After another argument with Brother I went to the deck where Tidus was waiting for me. I walked up to the railing and looked up at the sky. The cool night shimmered in it's cape of diamond stars. I looked at Tidus and he smiled as if knowing what I was looking at.

"Tell me more about Zanarkand" I said

He looked like I caught him off guard.

"Um…well what do you want to know?"

"What's fun besides bliztball" I asked.

He laughed and started talking about something called video games. I half listened. What were catching my attention were his eyes. In the day they looked like t he cloudless sky, but at night they looked like a dark sapphire. Almost as if his eyes glowed with danger. If he didn't smile as much, in the night he would look menacing.

"You have really pretty eyes," he said

I snapped out of my train of thought.

"Huh?" I felt my ears heat up a little. I felt embarrassed that he caught me not listening to what he was saying.

"I said I never seen anyone with eyes like that" he said leaning in closer trying to look.

"Well, all the Al Bhed has these eyes. The swirl is what make us part of who we are"

We were both quite for a second. He turned around and slowly walked back and forth as if trying to find something to say.

"I want to thank you Rikku," he finally said.

"Me?" I walked up to him to make sure if he was really talking about me.

"Yeah you" he said laughing "who else? You saved me"

I smiled and playfully punched him.

"Yeah by knocking you out"

"Yeah…but you were my friend, thanks to you…I don't have to be lonely" he looked out to the ocean learned over the rail slightly. I joined him.

"You're welcome…" I said. "You know… you're my first true friend…Tidus" I looked at my feet. I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"I am?" he looked at me and smirked "Well then I guess we're best friends!" he said

"Yeah! Best friends!" I cheered

The ship rocked violently. We fell away from each other. He went over board and I hit my head on the metal floor.

"Sin!" I heard someone yell before darkness consumed me.

* * *

I stopped writing when I noticed when everything around me was quiet. Tobli's band wasn't playing anymore. The crowd was gone. People were back to walking around and talking. I put my journal away and stood up. 

I made my way down to the tunnel saying good bye to a man standing there and stopped at the exit.

Looking at the eerie fog covered land; I changed into my Black mage dress sphere and proceeded to the Thunder Plains.

* * *

A/N: So there you go. I made it long to make up for the delay. I tried my best with the battle scenes, hope they were good. Again I will take another break from this story for the fact that I have exams (I swear school is a bitch) But there is some good news. After the first week of May I'll be able to work on this story faithfully which means regular updates. 


	6. Forlorn

A/N: I'm back (officially), which means more of this story. I'm so happy that I can work on this.

Sdreamz: yeah, Mark Twain wrote stuff, like books…any ways I did use both games but that was just for reference to get things right. Enjoy chapter six!

Celsie: Thank you for noticing, that was exactly what I was trying to do in that chapter. You rock!

Embrace-the-darkness: I know who you are! Thanks for the compliment though but make sure that I'm logged off when you're using the computer. You didn't have to review, but thanks anyway.

Disclaimer: Don't own, so don't sue. Simple enough?

* * *

Chapter Six: Forlorn

The usual fiend infested plain was eerily silent. I walked with my staff in hand ready to attack any thing with magic. But nothing happened. It was like all the fiends were erased from their existence. I picked up my pace. The atmosphere the silence was providing was not comforting me. I felt like it warned me of something great. 

It was hard to tell what time it was in the Thunder Plains. But if I had to guess it would have been late after noon. I saw the travel agency from a distance and let a sigh of relief. I looked around once more. Still no fiends. The thought made me shiver. I ran to the agency and went inside.

The bright room was different from the gray hollow darkness of the outside. Everything seemed well in order. No one was at the desk. I walked in and let my bag drop on the blue tile floor. I looked around the brightly colored room. My eyes traced the books o n the shelf. Most of them were Al Bhed primers for travelers who were curious of our language. I saw the purple silk curtains open and reveal a familiar Al Bhed clothing and a certain tanned faced. My mouth broke into a smile.

"Uncle Rin?"

"Ahh Rikku! How is your journey so far?" he asked.

"It's great. But what brings you here to the Thunder Plains? I thought you would be at Mi'ihen road"

"I've decided to open up the Inns again. It would be better for travelers who wish to rest a little longer after a long and tedious journey."

A sonic boom erupted from the outside. By body jumped in shock. My heart rate suddenly increased. In the process of my fear I almost tripped backwards on my bag. I heard Rin's laughter fill the room.

"Rikku you never fail to humor me"

He walked up to me and helped me gather myself up a bit. "That was the sound of a big storm. I suggest you stay and leave in the morning" he said

"Is that why hardly any fiends were around? Because of the big storm?"

"This is the Thunder plains Rikku, storm or no storm, its steady supply of fiends never cease to exist. Why do you ask such a question? Do you feel as if something might be wrong?"

I looked into his green orbs. They expressed curiosity and worry. Something was wrong. But what was wrong I did not know. I couldn't make an assumption now. What If _I_ was wrong? Regardless it was just a feeling. Nothing that I should be worried about. Traveling alone tends to do that a lot.

"No, I just found it a little weird" I said

He slowly nodded his head as if trying to believe me. He pointed to the door frame that was covered by a thin satin curtain.

"Pick any room you'd like"

I took my bag and walked passed him. I moved the curtain to the side and walked right into the brightly lid hallway.

I chose the first room and started to unpack. The room looked the same as it did three years ago. The lavender walls were still decorated with intricate embosses of gold. The turquoise rug took up half the floor while the small twin bed occupied the other. There was an oak glossy desk with some stationary and pens, a nightstand with a simple lamp and a bed well adorned with colorful fabric that seemed from Bevelle.

I took out my journal and a pen. A knock on the door prevented me from opening it.

I opened the nightstand drawer and put my journal in it. I answered the door. Rin stood on the other side.

"Rikku, would you do me the honor of joining me for dinner"

"I'd love too" I said and closed the door behind me.

We headed to the dinning room. Another Al Bhed was there waiting for us. He smiled at the site of me.

The guy looked like every other albhed. Tanned skin from working in the hot desert for long hours. Blond spiky hair and spiral green eyes. I wasn't impressed, if anything I was disappointed. My history with Al Bhed men was not pretty.

"Rikku, I would like you to meet Kappa. He's quite the machina whiz like you"

"Nice to meet you" he said giving me a bright white smile.

"Ditto" I said and we shook hands.

We sat down and were served. If anything could go wrong on a blind date then it did on mine. And what was so embarrassing was that my uncle was there to witness it all. Kappa took dull and boring to whole another level. All he talked about was the progress so machina and the physics of it. The man was a talking in equations. The only time he took a pause was to drink some water and that would just let him talk even more.

"It was nice meeting you" I stared at the human chatter box.

"Maybe we can have dinner alone next time"

The last thing I needed was another date with him where my ears could bleed.

"As much fun as I had hearing about the physics of machina, I don't think I can go out with you again"

"What?" he asked now confused.

"There's someone else, but pops doesn't know"

"What do you mean?"

If I played my cards right I could ditch him and any other guy pops would send my way. Of course I would have to put my life and reputation on the line.

I got close to him. My lips lightly brushed his ear. I felt him shiver a little, then I slowly whispered "Let's just say me and Paine are more than bosom buddies"

I stood back and saw is jaw drop. I was biting my cheeks, trying to keep myself from laughing.

"Y-you are?" His voice almost squeaked.

"Yup. And she gets really jealous and possessive if someone even looks at me."

If Paine was here I would have burst into flames, came back to life and combust seven more times just from her death glare alone.

He paled. The look of fear on his face was priceless.

"Let's keep this our little secret"

He nodded his head but he made no indication of moving. He w as still in shock.

I cleared my throat. "Excuse me I'm kind of tired" I said closing the door in his face. I head his foot steps grow smaller and smaller.

When silence was met I broke it with a burst of laughter. I sat down on my bed and took out my journal. Enough fun and games. It was time to get serious again.

* * *

Journal Entry # 5 

After the attack we headed home. Pops got what he wanted so it didn't matter to him. I was a different story. I completely shut down. Tidus was gone and it pained my heart to think about him. Why did my heart hurt so badly? It was a different feeling than when I was hurt by Gippal. I lost someone who actually wanted to be my friend.

The days went by and I barely came out of my room. Brother would come in sometimes and try to cheer me up or get me to eat. My cold baths grew more and more frequent. I would take one at least twice a day. Cutting myself was redundant and a waste of time.

Pops was getting sick of behavior. He called me to his office and we had a huge shouting contest. Unfortunately I lost and ran crying to my room. I slammed the metal door as hard as I could. My blood boiled in anger.

"It's not fair!" I screamed and cried.

I took a chair and I slammed it against the wall. It shattered into parts. Pieces of splinters rained on the floor. I punched the wall, which wasn't a good idea because the pain shot up my arm and alerted my brain of pain. I tried not to scream so I bit my bottom lip until I drew blood. Hot streams of salty tears dripped down my face.

I slumped to the floor with my back against the wall, buried my face into my knees and just broke down. If pops would have seen me he would have thought I was a pathetic excuse of a human being. He would have said that I need to stop throwing a fit over some boy and get back to work.

I looked up. My eyes hurt from the crying. I stood up and washed my face. I left my room and decided to explore the ship. I went down to the boiler room.

It was seemed abandoned. The set a depressive tone. The heat was thick and hot. I could taste the smell of burning coals in the back of my throat. I walked in deeper, letting the darkness embrace me. I saw that all but one of the four coal chambers were closed.

I walked up to it. I stood and stared at the black ashen coals that burned inside. They flickered with life on minute and were snuffed out the next. How it reminded me of human life. How sad that a person can be born so full of fire and passion and then be snuffed out suddenly. My body started to itch at the uncomfortable heat.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" I turned around to see an angry gloved worker.

I didn't answer. He came and shoved me aside I almost tripped but I caught myself from falling.

"You aren't allowed down here" he took a shovel that was near by and started doing his work.

"This is a man's job. Go to your room and play with your dolls or something" he shoveled some coal inside the chamber.

I hid behind the door. I silently watch him work. More coals went in. I studied the muscles in his back. How they flexed every time he bent down. More coals went in. I looked at the door. It was huge but it was the type that with one single push it's weight would do the rest of the work and close it self. More coals went in. I placed my hands on the door and didn't realize it would be that hot.

My scream of pain startled him but it was too late. I pushed with all my strength and the door's heavy weight whacked him side the chamber. His screams filled the air. I could hear him banging on the door. I stood there heavily breathing. My hands stung in pain and a waved them hoping the air would make them sting less.

The screams soon stopped. I looked around me. No one was around.

I looked at my hands and saw blisters. They were large and ugly. Some busted open and revealed a clear liquid that made my wounds worse.

I ran up to then surface hiding my hands. When I got to my room I went to the bathroom and filled the tub with ice cold water. I looked in the mirror. I was blotched with black spots and sticky with sweat. I looked at my blistered hands again and saw that the wounds started to bleed.

I walked up to the bathtub and placed them in the water. I bit my lip to keep my self from screaming again. I bit so hard that I reopened the wound I made on it before. I tasted a salty warm substance. Tears showered my face.

After numbing my hands I went inside the tub. My bleeding lip shivered at the cold temperature. It shocked my system. I sank in deeper and submerged my self. I stayed until my lungs demanded air. I gasped for air. My body was getting numb, nothing new to me. My breath was shallow and my eyes drooped with sleep. I rested my cheek against the cold edge of the tub. I closed my eyes. Nothing could change what I've become. Nothing could change what I was meant to be. Death was apart of me, and it was something that I could never wash away.

* * *

I stopped writing when I heard a knock on the door. I put my journal away and answered the door. 

"Oh hi! Is something wrong?" I said welcoming Rin. He declined and decided to stay standing by the door.

"I would like to apologize for this evening." He stood with his hands behind his back. "Your father is quite impatient about you getting a husband"

I looked down at the floor and let go of the door.

"I don't understand why he can't let Gippal run home" I turned around from his gaze and crossed my arms over my chest

"He knows he can let Gippal do that but his pride is far too great."

"It's just not fair. It's like every thing is all on me and no one else…and I really didn't like the blind date. I mean I don't fall for guys just like that" I turned around to a smiling Rin.

"He was a very sophisticated young man"

"Please! The man talked about the meaning of physics in machina, that's not how you're supposed to get a girl to like you"

"How is Paine?"

That caught me off guard. I smiled. Kappa did tell.

"She's fine uncle Rin, just fine."

He raised an eyebrow to my ambiguous answer.

"Well then I will leave you. Have a pleasant night" he left and I closed the door. I pressed my ear against the door and waited until his footsteps faded away.

Then I just started laughing. I laughed so hard that my stomach started to hurt. I wiped my eyes from thee tears and got myself together.

I changed into my chocobo pajamas and fell on t he bed. A case of the giggles erupted with in me. What _would _pops think about me and Paine?

* * *

A/N: I know, very short. It was supposed to be part of chapter five but I had to break it to make the story flow better. Now that I'm done with my AP exams I can work on this now! See you guys in chapter seven. Remember to review! 


	7. Reunion

A/N: Well here is the next installment. I think I'm going to up date every week and a half to two. Since I am going to have finals soon but no worries, the updates will be regular. Enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I'm getting tired of these. I don't own FFX or FFX-2

* * *

Chapter Seven: Reunion

I woke up to the sound of thunder. I stretched and yawned my way out of bed and got ready for the morning. I packed everything up and changed into my black mage dress sphere. After having a quick breakfast, I made my way to the front desk. I paid for my room and signed out.

"I hope you aren't thinking about leaving now." I turned around to see uncle Rin with his arms crossed across his chest.

"Well…since it's so early I want to cover a lot of ground and…" a loud sonic boom startled me from finishing my sentence.

Uncle Rin raised an eyebrow and smirked "You were saying?" He tapped his foot awaiting my answer.

"Um…I'm going to wait out the storm?"

He nodded his head and turned away from me.

"I'm sure it won't last that long" he said walking away to attend some business errands.

I dropped my bag next to my feet. There wasn't anything to do. I looked at the book case that was near the entrance to go to the back. I took a step forward to move and tripped over my bag. In the process of my clumsy behind trying to get back up, my journal fell out. I gathered it and straightened my self out. The woman at the desk wasn't there anymore. I went and took her pen. I sat down on the floor with my legs crossed. Writing would be a good way to pass the time.

* * *

Journal Entry # 6 

We came back home from our voyage at sea. I spent my days keeping myself busy. Machina became my life and I forced myself to learn every aspect from its history and invention to its possibilities and future.

I was working on a small engine part. My desk was covered with a plain sheet of paper to prevent from spilling any oil and ruining it. My fingers felt sticky with the oil. I was so zoned out on working on the part. I felt like a robot. Screw in the bolt; screw another one out and so on.

"Rikku!"

Brother screamed while throwing a stuffed chocobo at me. Apparently from the hint of annoyance in his voice he was calling me for a long time.

"What!" I screamed back.

"Father wants to see us, he says it is important"

I put the part down and cleaned my hands of the oil. I reluctantly followed Brother to pops office. Buddy, who was already there, sat in the front of the desk. Pops was on the other side with his back turned. We took the last two empty seats.

"Your cousin, Yuna, has become a summoner. She's gonna risk her life trying to defeat Sin." He said. He turned around and faced us with a serious face. We all nodded.

"She's the only one I got to remember my sister by" silence filled the air as sadness and grief took hold. No one said anything out of respect. Pops took a deep breath and let it out. He looked serious again and it was back to business.

"Our plan is to get her not to complete her pilmigrage" he picked up some papers and handed us each a sheet. It was a sketch of a machina whose intricate designs were labeled by numbers, letters and arrows. I studied it for a minute. It looked like a typical extractor.

"Our first mission blew up in our faces in Luca. It looks like her guardians are good…really good" my neck snapped up from the paper to his face. I could see the embarrassment of defeat in his eyes.

"That's why we've got the extractor" I looked back at my paper. "It's a new design. It's able to keep Yuna safe and comfortable while it's in battle."

I looked at the machina trying to figure out where Yuna would be safe. Nothing was there besides hanging green and yellow flags which looked liked tongues.

"Where would Yuna go?"

"The extractor has the ability to form an air bubble on the top."

I looked back at the sketch again. Ok so it _wasn't_ an ordinary extractor.

He reached inside his deck drawer and took out a folder paper. He unfolded it and revealed a map of Spira on his desk. We got up from our seats and leaned over. The map looked yellow from age but nonetheless it was Spira staring back at us.

"Yuna will have to cross the Moonflow to continue her journey. We'll get her right here" his chipped nail finger pointed to the middle of a brown river labeled Moonflow in cursive writing.

"Where's is the extractor?" Brother asked. Pops folded up the map

"It's near the port. It's good and ready to go. Decide who will go between the three of you" he put the map away and gave us a grave look. "I'm counting on you guys"

We were all dismissed.

"So who's going to go" I asked. We started walking towards the hovercraft station.

"We'll figure it out when we get to the port" Buddy answered. We paid the necessary rental money for the hovercrafts and got to the port. Some ships we docked along the coast. We saw pop's ship and boarded it after showing our identification cards.

We went to the deck, where we saw the new machina hung by a crane. The bronze machine looked so big and bulky in the sun. I put my goggles to block out the bright light.

"Rikku, it looks like you will have to go" I looked at Buddy and an angry Brother.

"Why alone?"

"It's not big enough. Its single person operated."

"But it's huge!" Brother yelled pointing at it.

"That's just armor so if she gets attacked it won't suffer that much damage."

I looked uneasy.

"Don't worry" Buddy put a hand on my shoulder. "You'll be alright"

I walked to the locker room happy that no one was in there and changed into my heavy excavating gear. I came back minutes later and was helped by some men inside the extractor.

Buddy came up to the top with a booklet.

"You do know how to work this right?"

"Sure" I said

He raised an eyebrow in a doubtful manner. I took the booklet from his hands.

"Happy?" I said. He smirked.

"Just don't blow your self up ok?"

I nodded my head and slid down into my seat. I heard the top of the machina shut tight and a crew member give a shout. I felt the machina pull up with the sound of the crane.

I buckled up and looked outside the window. The dark blue water shimmered. I felt the extractor descend. The water crashed against it shaking it a bit. I heard the crane go back to its original position. I flipped the main switched and started the machine.

The propellers roared into life as I sank into the water. I set the course into the computer and took a nap during the ride. A loud beeping sound woke me up that informed me of my arrival in the Moonflow.

I looked outside the window. The water was a murky brown color. The extractor made its way through the darkness. I pressed the light button and from the darkness emerged a city. I slowed the speed of the extractor.

The dead city was resting peacefully in its grave. It looked advance. The tall buildings with their overcastted beauty stood erect like soldiers. They were probably like those exotic vases from Kilika. Beautiful on the outside but with held nothing.

I avoided bumping into anything for fear of destroying their structure. I stopped the machina and turned off the out side lights. I had to wait for Yuna's Shoopuf to swim by. I opened the booklet that I took from Buddy and started reading about the extractor's engine.

Before I could get to the 'in case of an emergency' page, everything around me shook. I turned on the lights and saw that everything was at piece again. Another shake and dust snowed down from the under water ruins. I unbuckled my seat belt and stared out the window up close. I looked to see the bottom of the gentle giant known as the Shoopuf, who was trying to swim and walk across the Moonflow.

I went back to my seat and settled in again. I turned on the propellers on a slow speed and moved the extractor near the Shoopuf. I glanced out the window again and saw my target of a familiar young woman standing up. This was going to be my chance.

I positioned the extractor and pressed the launch button. I felt the machina shoot up incredible speed and grab Yuna. The air bubble soon surrounded her and guaranteed her the safety she needed. I moved the levers and gave the extractor the command to turn around and escape the scene.

I felt the machina jolt. I looked to see what hit me. I looked out the window and saw a blue object almost hit the window. It was a bliztball.

"Where the heck did that come from?" I got up from my seat to investigate the matter in detail. The water was too dirty for me to see a face but I did see flaming red hair. I felt the machina receive another attack. I fell on my butt and scrambled back into my seat.

I buckled up. So pops was serious about her guardians being good. I set the controls so that the extractor moved back from receiving another blow. I accidentally knocked it into a building and a dust cloud engulfed the area. I took this time to plan my next move seeing that I couldn't see my attacker and they couldn't see me.

I unbuckled my seat belt in order to get a better handle on the controls. I cranked one lever back and pushed a combination of buttons to attack. After the dust cleared up I saw my foe in the open.

"Hey!" I said in recognition. Tidus was right before me. Alive and attacking. The individual with the red hair looked like a bliztball player. I felt a pang joy knowing that Tidus wasn't dead. But I was snapped out of my glazed thoughts by another attack of the bliztball. I didn't want to hurt anyone but they were messing with my mission.

The long and tedious battle was getting on my nerves. They were very determined on getting Yuna back. I changed my depth perceptions and shifted into another attack. The red head hit his over drive and combined the powers of ice and fire to his ball. Right after his attack Tidus sliced and diced his way through. The machina fell backwards. I was knocked out of my seat. I heard the controls spark and go haywire. I got up trying to take control again but anything I touched electrocuted me a little.

"I knew I should have read the safety section first!" I said trying to pull a stuck lever.

The inside bolts started to rumble. I stopped what I was doing as the machina shook. I held on tightly and waited until it all stopped. I let out a sigh happy that it was over. The bolts rumbled again and exploded like bullets. Water started to rush in.

"Oh fuck!" I tried covering some of the holes but the water pressure was too strong. The water and the electricity were having their own civil war around me. The water hugged my waist. If I opened the hatch it would have been complete suicide. A metal section that used to be held down by the bolts was getting loose. It soon was catapulted by water. I ducked to avoid any contact. Now the extractor was filling up with water and it was filling up fast. I floated to the top where the hatch was and held my breath. I twisted the handle and pushed. I was sucked out immediately.

The extractor exploded beneath me. I tried to swim upwards but a dark cloud of smoke and parts trapped me. I kicked and grabbed at water trying tot get my way through the maze

I swam what seemed like days. I swam until my knees touched the ground, an indication that I finally made it to the shore. I crawled out on wobbly knees and trembling arms to the sand. I was out of breath and my heart was pounding as hard as my brain. I collapsed face first not caring where I really was and let darkness embrace me.

"Hello" a faint voice echoed in my mind. I opened my eyes. I felt every muscle in my body tense up a bit. I felt completely sore.

"Maybe they're dead" the voice said to itself. I had to find the energy to get my self up. I counted to ten in my mind and stood up. I quickly unzipped my back and discarded of my wet suit. I took off my goggles

"I thought I was gonna die back there" I said. I opened my eyes to see a dumfounded Tidus in front of me.

"Rikku?" he looked unsure if it was really me.

My eyes widened in shocked. He was right in front of me.

"It's you! You're Rikku! You survived the attack!" he said running up to me and taking my arms cheering. I was so weak that I fell to my knees. He dropped to my level and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey are you ok?"

I caught my breath a little.

"No…" then I stood up with out trying to get any help. "I don't feel all that good"

"What happened?"

"I got beaten by you!" I pointed at him accusingly.

"You were inside that machine?"

"Yes…and it still hurts" I pouted.

"But, but, but you were attacking us!"

"Hey, I wasn't attacking, I was…"

I was silenced when I saw a heard of people walk up to us. It was an odd bunch. Yuna I recognized right away. There was a dark haired black mage holding a small moogle, a ronso, a man with a huge jug wearing a red coat, and finally the red headed bliztball player.

"Somebody you know?" the bliztball player asked Tidus.

Tidus shifted uncomfortably. "Well you see…"

I looked at him and saw that something was wrong about what he wanted to say about me. I decided to introduce myself.

"I'm Rikku, please to meet you" I chirped energetically

"She helped me out a lot. She gave me food and everything"

"Wow, so you owe her like your life" the player said.

I saw Yuna whisper something to the black mage, who spoke up afterwards. "Wakka can you wait a second?"

The bliztball player known as Wakka nodded his head.

"I just want to talk to Rikku" Yuna smiled at Wakka, took my hand and pulled me away.

"This conversation is girls only. Boys over there" I noticed my voice was a high in contrast to her soft spoken one.

The black mage slowly walked behind us. When we were out of ear shot both women looked at me.

"I want you to be my guardian"

I didn't expect that from her. What she wanted from me went against everything my father believed in. I would have to risk my life for the sake of her world saving suicide. I looked into her eyes and smiled.

"I would love to"

She smiled and hugged me. I squeezed tightly. I would become her guardian. I would die for her for the sake of letting her go on to save the world. Even if peace only lasted ten years and Sin would come back. I would have been honored to die for her.

"The others are waiting" the black mage said.

"Oh" Yuna almost blushed.

"I'm Lulu by the way"

I smiled and greeted Lulu.

We walked back to the others waiting. Yuna quickly walked up to the man with the arm in the sling.

"Auron…I want Rikku to be my guardian"

The man named Auron made his way and stood in front of me. He took my arm and squeezed hard. I didn't want to show weakness in front of everyone so I sucked it up and thought about other things other than the pain on my arm.

"Face up" his voice was smoky and rugged.

I almost panicked. I was Al Bhed. He could have been a hater. I closed my eyes and faced him but apparently Auron wasn't stupid.

"Open your eyes" his voice was almost soft but it sank deep with a pit of authority.

I opened one and slowly opened the other. I blinked and stared into his coffee colored eyes. He stared hard at me. I felt His gaze consume me of all my secrets. Was he able to see behind my mask? Could he see the monster that I had become so long ago? How tainted my soul had become. My heart was beating fast at my anxiety. Would he tell the others?

"Um...n-no good?" I asked breaking the tension.

Looked over to Yuna "Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yes" she softly responded.

He took one last look. "Very well" he let me go.

He moved forward and the rest of the group followed. I felt weak. I almost collapsed on my knees. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I had to take control again.

"Hey are you ok?"

I opened my eyes and laughed at Tidus "Sure! I'm fine"

He nodded and smiled.

"Great, come on, I'll catch you up on everything" Tidus said running in front of me. I laughed and followed. I hoped that pops wasn't disappointed.

* * *

"Rikku, the storm is over" I looked up to see Rin's spiral eyes staring at me. I noticed that the agency was dead silent. I closed my journal quickly 

"Great, what time is it?"

"It is only noon, it is still quite early"

Rin helped me get up and I dusted myself off. He handed me my back pack in which I put my journal in and closed it.

"Have a safe journey and come and visit more at the Mi'ihen Highroad. I may need someone of your level to help me fix some machina"

I rolled my eyes "Why don't you get Kappa?" he laughed at my sarcasm.

"I will try and speak with your father"

I smiled and gave him a hug good bye. I left the travel agency and walked north.

The ground felt soft and at sometimes slippery. The smell of mold and dirt clung to the air like a thick fog. No sound of a fiend anywhere. I walked slowly still uncertain about the area being too quiet.

I heard strong loud foot steps coming from a lightning tower. Out walked a Chimera. It looked oversouled. But something inside me told me that this oversouled fiend was different. Something was off. The three headed fiend stared. It took two steps towards me. I was unfazed. It came towards me. The creature's breath could be seen as a thin white smoke in the air.

The bull head came close to my face. Its huge nostrils explored my face taking away my sent. The bird head stared in curiosity. I didn't move but held my breath from the horrible smell the fiend gave off. The snake head that was attached to its tail slithered to my arm and coiled around it. The bull head shot up and let out a tremendous roar.

I should have gotten my staff and attacked it with thundera. Instead I stared. Evil recognizes its own kind. The snake uncoiled it's self. The oversouled Chimera walked past me. I turned and watched it walk away from me. I should have followed it but my feet already began the journey towards Macalania woods.

* * *

A/N: Thank you for reading, remember to review on your way out. 


	8. Not Quite Right

A/N:You guys are lucky that I'm updating today because Iwon't be able to at all over the weekend. This chapter has to be my favorite so far. I just love it and I'm proud to be able to share it with you guys. So I guess it's my gift to you guys enjoy!

XCJ: she is ooc in this story so I think she is completely justified in killing him.

Fanfic-Lover: Thank you so much for your review. I'm sorry to say but her writing in the journal is the whole plot, what ever she writes is the story line. (there is a subplot while she is traveling but it isgoingto pick up soon) But don't worry; I will make what happens before and after she writes an entry interesting.

TearsOfInfinity: I LOVE your name! it's so…deep. I'm happy that you are enjoying the fic. Knowing that you will r/r makes me feel so happy. You made my day today.

Discalimer: I live in the Ghetto, 'nough said.

* * *

Chapter Eight: Not Quite Right

I arrived at Macalania woods. Everything was so peaceful. I looked around the area. The trees frowned upon me. Maybe they knew that they were going to disappear soon. The crystal bulbs that used to bloom into large glass flowers were gone. The leaves looked naked and alone. The bark that used to be dark with a healthy hue of auburn was now a light ashy gray. All of these were an indication of a dying forest.

The crystal road was gone. It looked like I was going to hike my way to O'aka's. Like the Thunder Plains there weren't any fiends. The silence the forest provided made it look even more lifeless.

A couple of feet before me stood O'aka's small travel agency. The wind howled as the bitter cold nipped at my nose. I walked up and opened the door.

As soon as the bell rung from the door I saw him jump up. "Welcome to O'aka, how may I help yee?" I giggled and walked up to the counter.

"Is business good?" he frowned and walked around the counter to face me.

"It's been very slow around here. The fiends are the only ones that knock on the door…and even they aren't biting"

"So what you're saying is that there aren't any fiends around?"

"None at all"

We were quiet for a second

"Do you think it's because of the woods disappearing?"

He crossed his arms and rubbed his chin in deep thought.

"I never really thought about that" he put his arms down. The red head shop keeper looked at me.

If the fiends in the woods were disappearing along with the forest, then what explained the ones in the Thunder Plains? What about that chimera? It was glowing beyond the point of being oversouled. It was all too weird.

"Would you mind doing thee a favor?" his voice snapped me out of my train of thought.

All of my questions seemed to die at the moment. I smiled and nodded my head.

"Can you watch the shop for me? I won't be long; I want to run some errands"

"Why not close it down?"

"Well yee never know when business comes a knocking" he cheered

I went behind the counter and sat down on a stool. I placed my bag next to my feet.

"I'll keep your shop safe"

"Great, I owe yee a lot. Don't worry I'll be back in no time." He got his green back pack and headed out the door. I propped my head with my hands. I was already bored. There was nothing to do in the shop. I swung my legs back and forth. I kicked my bag by accident and remembered the journal. I took out since I really didn't finish the last one. I opened it to a clean page. Maybe a new entry would be better. I took a pen from the desk and began to write.

* * *

Journal entry # 7 

Tidus told me all about what happened after the attack. He woke up in the water in front of an island. That's where he met Wakka, the captain of the Besaid Aurochs. He said to be careful since Wakka wasn't Al Bhed friendly. Wakka introduced him to Lulu and the ronso named Kimahri. Yuna asked Tidus to become her guardian and he accepted. He also told me that Auron was the same guy that brought him into Spira in the first place; he too became Yuna's guardian.

I wanted to show them that I was a good addition to their group. During battles I showed off my skills and my overdrive. I also told them that I could synthesize their weapons if necessary.

We made it through the forest and went down a tunnel. We were in an underground city. Everything around me was built with roots and tree bark. Bright colors of burgundy, olive, gold and sapphire painted the portrait known as Guadosalam. It all looked new and exotic to me. The Guado looked like walking trees. They had a hard looking skin, almost like bark. Some had an olive hue to their skin. Long finger like roots occupied their hands.

I caught up with the group. They stood in front of what looked like a huge red door. The door seemed to spring to life as it opened. We walked inside and waited for some one to assist us.

"Hello, I am tromell, this way please" he led us through the double doors into the dinning room. The room was decorated with an assortment of flowers and food. My stomach rumbled.

"Master Seymour will be here shortly" he gave a small bow and left us.

A minute later Seymour walked in. He had a unique presence. Walking in with a high confidence that would make even Yevon self conscious, he stood before us. His blue hair looked similar to those of the Guado except it didn't appear to be as stiff as bark. He was tall and had strange symbols embedded in his chest. His mixed breed body looked like it was having a fight over which gene would dominate the other.

"I trust that everyone is comfortable" he spoke eyeing everyone.

He spoke of the importance of defeating Sin and Spira's happiness. He showed us a hollow gram of Zanarkand. The city had large bright buildings and people rushing through us trying to get to a destination that they will never reach.

He talked about a woman named Yunaleska and her story.

Afterwards he wished to have a private talk with Yuna. I took this chance to politely stuff my face. Tidus was very impatient. He kept moving around talking to everyone. He stared at Yuna and Seymour talking. I saw the envy radiate from his crystal blue eyes. It made them glow with an unnecessary evil. I stopped what I was doing and walked up beside him.

"I don't know why everyone thinks he's such a big shot" he snorted

"Jealous?"

He turned to see me. I grinned.

"It's not like that!" he spat.

I saw Yuna head for a glass of water and gulp it down in incredible speed.

"Wow you're beat red" if she got any redder then I would have sworn she would have been choking. Everyone waited for her to relax a little.

"What did he say?" Auron's voice asked.

Yuna took a deep breath and let it out.

"He asked me to marry him"

Everyone was quite again. Either too shocked to speak or not brave enough to speak up, Auron broke the silence.

"Are you going to accept?"

"I told him that I would have to consult with my father"

"And where is he?" Tidus asked

"The Far Plane"

I almost paled at the mention of the name. The group started moving and went up the winding bridge. The Guado guard let us through. I was behind the group as we inched in deeper and deeper into the dim hallway. My heart pounded when we reached the cryptic decaying steps.

I questioned my mind and its nervousness. The Far Plane was a place where one's memories of the dead became almost real due to the pyreflies. Why was I scared of pyreflies?

My heart skipped a beat. It knew the real reason. It knew that I was reluctant to confront my past. My mom, the solider and the kids. Would I be able to look them straight in the face and apologize? I didn't even want to think of my past lovers. Because of me they didn't even get the privilege to be sent to the Far Plane. I sat on the rail with my legs over the never ending pit of darkness.

"Aren't you coming?" Tidus asked. I looked up and stared into his eyes.

"No…I like to keep my memories inside" I softy said. He slowly nodded his head as if trying to figure out the real reason for me not going. He gave up and went to Auron.

"What about you?"

"It's not for me" he monotonously replied.

"Right" Tidus said and went up the stairs. I looked at him hesitate. He put in his hand first then he slid in.

I looked at my dangling feet in shame. Why was I such a coward? My mind raced with emotions, trying force my body to pick one and feel it. Everything around me was gone. My mother's voice crept up behind me.

"Rikku, don't you want to see mommy?"

I shook my head no. Her voice was so gentle and kind. I could see the smile on her beautiful face.

"Mommy loves you"

"I love you too" I said. I felt the tears come down. They were hot and sweet.

"Rikku look at me" she said.

I shut my eyes tight. I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to see what I did to her.

"Look at me" it was with more authority.

"No" I weakly replied

"Rikku look at me!" Her voice got aggressive and I was scared.

I gripped my ears trying to block her voice but she got louder and louder

"Look at mommy! Look at me Rikku!"

I screamed in retaliation. I opened up my tear soaked eyes and saw that I was still at the Far Plane entrance. I turned around to see Auron. He looked at me with curiosity and suspicion.

"Will I have to kill you?" he asked emotionlessly.

I wiped my face and looked down. I shook my head no.

"I'm sorry" I whispered. I went back to stare at my feet dangling over the dark abyss. I wondered if insanity was the only key to unlock my mind.

Auron and I never spoke of the events of the Far Plane. But the Thunder Plains were a different story.

"Do we have to go?" I asked hoping we could avoid the Thunder Plains. I didn't like it. It wasn't safe with all the bolts landing everywhere.

"Can't we stay a little longer?"

"We can't delay our journey" he said

"Fine I'll stay"

"It's been nice knowing you" and he went ahead. I put my hands on my hips and pouted. The group started moving forward. I groaned and followed.

The dark atmosphere of the Thunder Plains was anything but comforting. The loud sounds of thunder bolts made me feel like my heart was trying to escape my body.

A bolt hit right before I could take another step. I was stunned on the ground as I felt the electricity vibrate through my body. Tidus gave me his hand but he was struck down.

I stood up with my arms around my self looking around a safe haven. Tidus stood up and cleaned himself off. Another thunder bolt grazed me and in fear I attached myself to his leg. It wasn't the smartest thing to do since he turned out to be a bolt magnet.

I trembled.

"Are you ok?"

A thunder bolt came hit the ground separating us instantly. I hugged my knees into my chest and closed my eyes. The sound of the thunder bolts rendered me deaf. I rocked back and forth trying to calm my self down.

"It'll all go away" I told myself.

"What will go away honey?"

Mom's voice was back. And it was so sweet and loving. I wanted to be in her arms and never let go of her. I hugged myself tighter.

"No, it'll all go away" I whispered

"I can't go away"

"Yes you will"

"I'm here forever; mommy will never go away" she said in a touch of dark humor.

"Leave me alone!" I rocked back and forth trying to shake her voice off me.

"Don't talk back to mommy, you know better Rikku"

"Go away"

"Not until you look at me" she demanded. I didn't want to look at her beautiful angelic face. Her shimmering emerald eyes full of glee and happiness. I didn't want my eyes to travel down to the gaping hole in her torso. I didn't want to see right through her and have her smile back at me like if everything was going to be ok.

"What's wrong with her?" an outside voice echoed.

I looked up to see the group staring at me. Yuna had the most worry written in her face.

"We must move" Auron said. Another thunder bolt came in my direction and I attached myself to the closest thing near me, which happened to be Tidus's leg.

"You're really freaking me out" he said.

"Do we have to go through here?" I asked.

"Yes" Auron said and kept on walking ahead of the group. I detached myself off of Tidus's leg and cautiously moved with the group.

We reached the midpoint of the plains where an inn stood. I almost fell on my knees and prayed to Yevon in thanks.

"Can we please rest?" I pleaded.

"No, we have to reach our next destination" Auron put his hand on his jug.

"You can't be serious" I said

We stared at each other. I would have challenged his authority but I knew full well I would lose.

"We should rest" Yuna spoke out from behind Auron. "I am feeling kind of tired"

I took my gaze off a very angry and annoyed Auron and looked at her. She smiled and winked my way. I grinned happily that she was on my side.

We came inside the inn. Auron was talking to the woman at the desk about rooms. Yuna and Lulu were talking about something. I decided to stay by my self. The thunder bolts still carried on outside and I still flinched every once in a while.

"So why are you so scared of thunder?" I turned around and faced Tidus. I hesitated before opening my mouth, I didn't want to sound foolish but I trusted that Tidus wouldn't laugh at me.

"Well," I began. "When I was little pops took me and my brother to the beach. A water fiend attacked and my brother tried to save me with a thunder spell. But he aimed it at me accidentally and then boom, boom, boom. I was shocked."

Tidus nodded.

"Don't worry. I'll take the bolts for ya"

I smiled but my attention turned to the new presence in the room. Tidus also turned around. I saw my Uncle Rin smiling at me. I almost sighed in relief to see a familiar face.

I looked at Wakka and then gave my uncle a knowing look of 'be careful what you say to me because the red head doesn't know I'm Al Bhed.' He nodded as if knowing exactly what I was thinking.

"Welcome to Rin's travel agency. I hope you have a relaxing stay"

He then went up to Tidus and started talking to him. Auron came back from the desk and handed Lulu a room key. I went to her.

"We'll be sharing a room, I hope you don't mind"

"No, it's great!" I cheered. I wanted to go to bed early. After what happened today I needed it. I told Lulu and she gave me the key. I left her alone with a talking Wakka.

I unlocked our room and stepped inside. The room had two small beds. I dimmed the lamp a little and laid down on the bed farthest from the door. I stared at the ceiling looking at the lighting flash different patterns from the window. With each blink my eye lids grew heavier and heavier, then darkness followed.

I woke up on the hard floor. I wasn't in the Inn anymore. I stood up and felt that everything seemed bigger to me. I looked at my hands and body and saw that I was six again. The dome was around me. It looked exactly the way it did that day.

I looked around. Amidst the debris and small fire there was no one to be found. Not even a dead body. My small steps echoed in the dome. I walked slowly, trying to figure out exactly what I was going to do.

Then I heard a roar. I covered my ears in an effort to block it out. The area rumbled a bit. I stood my ground. The rumbling stopped and I saw my mother. She stood some feet away from me. My heart almost rose to my throat.

"Mommy!" I yelled. Maybe she knew the way out.

I took a step forward. But something enclosed its grip around my left ankle. I look down to see a hand. My eyes traveled up the arm and my mouth opened into a silent scream.

It was the soldier that tried to save me. I tried to pull away but his grip tightened. Since half his head was missing blood oozed thickly from his jaw line. I was paralyzed with fear.

I looked at my mom crying.

"Come on Rikku, come to mommy" she said waving to me.

The soldier climbed his way up to my height. His tongue was long and slimy with blood. I cried and cried but no one saved me. Around us bodies started to appear. The dead looked like they suffered before their demise. Sin roared again.

The soldier's crimson tongue licked my face of its tears. It left a sticky mess of blood that smelled decayed. He gargled and blood spewed onto my face. It felt hot.

I looked over to my mother. She was still happy and beautiful unaware that dead bodies were appearing around her and that I was in trouble.

"Come on honey," she bent down to her knees with her arms out "Come to mommy"

The soldier hugged me close still licking my face. I glanced at my mother. She stood up and I saw right through her gaping hole. Her clothes were soaked with blood. She was still unaware of this.

"Come on honey!" she smiled and waved. Sin roared and the dome began to rumble again.

I screamed as loud as I could to make everything go away.

I shot up in a cold sweat. My pulse raced. My breath was heavy. I felt someone embrace me and on instinct I tried to get away.

They held on tightly. I stopped struggling and cried because I wasn't at the dome anymore. I cried until I couldn't anymore. When I stopped I let go of who was holding me. It was Tidus.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

I felt like a fool. I acted like a little kid who had a bad dream. I nodded my head and looked down at my hands. I felt my face grow hot in embarrassment.

"Everyone has night mares" he said.

There was a short silence.

"I know" I whispered.

He put his around my shoulder and I did the same to him. And like a true friend he stayed with me until I fell asleep.

* * *

I heard the bell ring by the door. I looked up and closed my journal. O'aka came in with a picnic basket. 

"I'm sorry I took so long, I brought yee some lunch to make up for it."

I shook my head then smiled. "No problem, I kind of lost track myself" I tucked my journal way in my bag.

He walked over and placed the basket on the counter. He unveiled luscious pastries and fruits. We dined talking about non important things but I really wanted to talk about the fiends. I decided that O'aka wasn't the best person to discuss it with. After my fill I took my back pack.

"Thanks for lunch"

"No you deserved it; yee knew yee could have left my shop alone. I thank yee immensely"

I giggled.

"O'aka, are we having a moment?"

He turned bright red. I decided I had enough fun teasing. I took my back pack.

"I should be on my way" I headed for the door.

"Thanks O'aka" and with that I left the small shop.

* * *

A/N: I tried my best with O'aka's character. Anyways review and tell me what you guys think your comments are helpful. 


	9. Lust

A/N: I'm sorry about not updating as soon; I just got dragged into AP English Lit. (Damn another class now I have a summer assignment)and I'm doing a journalism program. So I will have an extremely busy summer. This means that updates will be irregular which I hate because I want you guys to have the best. Oh yeah and I decided to shout people out on the bottom from now on.

Disclaimer: I don't own FFX or FFX-2 and neither do you. ha. ha.

* * *

Chapter Nine: Lust

I traveled back through the labyrinth of the dark forest and made my way to the lake. Still no fiends but I made it through quickly. My heart skipped a beat at the scene that stood before me. The lake shimmered in beauty and life. I slowly walked up to the shore hypnotized. I almost felt like I was swaying side to side. The trees surrounding the area were in blossom with their transparent flowers.

I dropped my bag and decided to absorb the fleeing memory. I sat down and stared right ahead. So many things happened here that I couldn't begin to explain. I took out my journal and decided to put them down in form of words instead.

* * *

Journal Entry # 8

Early the next day we were on our journey again. The Thunder Plains looked exactly the way it did when we stopped there. I frowned disappointed that my wish of sunshine and clouds didn't come true.

We walked through the rest of the plains. From a distance we could see our next destination. That was my motivation to keep going.

"I've made my decision" she said out of no where. The group stopped dead in its tracts. Yuna wanted to stop and get shelter near a small dome that was built for travelers who waited for any rain to pass.

We were all quiet. We stared at her calm gentle face. The sound of Thunder menacing us with rain was completely ignored. Only Yuna mattered.

"I will marry him"

I was surprised at her decision. She explained that in this time of Sin a wedding would raise people's hopes. She wanted to make the people around her happy. I didn't like her decision. She didn't love Seymour and I doubt that she would ever will. So why did she want to deceive the people of Spira with a false marriage of unrequited love? Simple, to give them hope. And as much as I hated her at the moment for making such a foolish decision, I had to love her for her selflessness.

Tidus didn't look happy about it either. I guess Seymour really did rub him the wrong way.

So the decision was final and we made our way to Macalania woods. I practically kissed the ground there, grateful that we were out of the horrid Thunder Plains.

We went to the shop where we met up with O'aka. Then we traveled to the center of the woods. It was quiet a beautiful sight. The water escaped easily from the prison of the ground and the stiff authoritarian roots of the trees. It was as if the forest was being flooded but it was still beautiful. Like a beautiful death you didn't want to disturb.

From the water a large clear like blob emerged. It took a sphere like form. It shimmered and glowed. Then it attacked with Blizzara which almost hit Wakka. It was battle time but Auron and Yuna went ahead to participate. Lulu, Tidus, Kimahri and I stood on the side for back up.

Wakka used his blitz ball and aimed at the fiend. The large sphere seemed unaffected and changed from its clear form to a light green shade. It charged up and glowed again. It did a Firaga spell on Wakka. He screamed in pain. Yuna ran to him, Lulu almost jumped from her position in concern and fear. But she stayed knowing that it wasn't her turn.

Yuna performed a quick healing spell that closed his wounds but it was obvious that Wakka was still in pain. Auron ran towards the sphere like fiend and embedded his sword in its thick skin. The fiend was still unaffected.

"Physical attacks don't seem to do anything" Tidus said

"Maybe magic will" Lulu stepped forward.

"Wait I can go! I can combine my gems and knock it out for the count!" I said stepping in front of her.

Lulu nodded her head.

"Alright but pay attention to what color it's changing too. Something tells me that it's the fiend's way of exposing its weakness"

"Right" said going into my battle mode.

Yuna helped Wakka escape and left him with Lulu. Then she came back. I saw the fiend change colors again. It went from a light green to a dark purple. I took out an ice gem and threw it. Nothing happened but the fiend seemed to have gotten stronger. I basically undid any work.

It changed into a light orange. I guess and attacked with a fire gem. The fiend got stronger and came up to me. It shaped into a long cylinder and drove downwards. I jumped out the way in time. It changed colors again and got ready for another spell. It went over to Yuna who was going to summon an Aeon. It did a Blizzara spell but Auron took the hit when he jumped in front of Yuna. In that time Tidus quickly grabbed her and took her to safety he came back with brotherhood. I felt strong hands grip my shoulders and pick me up. I was face to face with Kimahri. He walked me over to where Wakka was recovering.

"Rikku wait here" he said putting me down.

Lulu went in my place. The fiend changed colors again. It did a thunder attack aimed to Tidus but he jumped out of the way in time. Lulu got ready and attacked with Waterga. The fiend was weakened quickly. Tidus attacked by slicing through. In between Lulu's quick spells and Tidus' quick feet the fiend couldn't change into another element. The battle was finally won when the sphere disburse into pyreflies and it melted back into the water.

Everyone looked relieved that the battle was over. It left behind a sphere which Tidus picked up. Auron looked angry. He walked up to me.

"Who do you think you are coming into a battle you knew nothing about?"

"I was only trying to help."

"You were foolish enough to think that you could take that thing on, that is irresponsible"

"Look, I'm sorry! Ok! I couldn't tell what element it was changing too, I tried my best at guessing its weakness"

"You were reckless and attacked blindly. Yuna could have gotten hurt" he said looking towards her. "What were you trying to prove?

"I'm trying to prove a lot!" I said. My ears grew hot. I was both angry and embarrassed that everyone was watching our fight.

"You're proving to be worthless, THAT is what you just proved now"

I didn't say anything. My eyes glazed over with water but I refused to shed a tear for Auron. I refused to let anyone see me cry. I stomped my way through and stormed off into the woods on my own. I reached a secluded area and plopped myself down on a log. Tears flowed freely but I quickly wiped them away.

"Just ignore Auron. He insults me all the time" I heard a voice say.

I wiped my face and turned around to see Tidus. He walked over and sat next to me on the log.

"It's nothing. He just bruised my ego a bit. No big deal"

He chuckled. "Really? I didn't know you had one. I wear a protective cup on mine when I play bliztball"

I tried to stop myself but I just laughed so hard that I snorted. Then I laughed at that. He smiled happy to see me laughing. He knew how to make me laugh even if it made him look dumb.

"Thanks, I feel a little better now" I said

"It's nothing" he got a little closer to me. I felt the edge of the rough bark scratch my leg. Any closer and I might have fallen off the log. I felt weird and awkward.

"I could have sworn I saw smoke coming from your hair" I laughed trying to change the atmosphere. I stood up and walked over to a tree.

He looked at me confused.

"Huh?" he stood up as well and followed me to the tree.

"You know, in the Thunder Plains, you were a bolt magnet" I said

"Oh yeah! Well at least they didn't hit you" he said coming in closer.

I laughed nervously because there was no way of avoiding the closeness between us. I couldn't escape even if I tried. His left hand laid flat against the tree while his other hand rested on my hip. My arms were at my sides. I felt my heart beat slowly as reality hit me as to what type of situation I was in. We looked at each other. He truly was beautiful. From the shape of his haunting clear blue eyes to the shape of his lips. He leaned in and I closed my eyes expecting his lips to cover mine. I braced my self…then…he started to tickle me.

We both fell over laughing. He stood up and helped me. I stood against the huge tree regaining my composure. He closed the huge gap that was between us again.

"Sorry about that, couldn't resist," he sounded out of breath from all the laughing.

I giggled. Then silence crept its way back. I wanted to a void any eye contact with him but I ended up looking into his eyes. Their glow sparkled with the surroundings. The heat his body was giving off was making my knees go weak. He leaned into my neck, a weak spot that Gippal had many times kissed over. His lips only brushed my skin. It was as if he was trying to take in my scent. I closed my eyes and did the same. I let my nose bask in his scent, which oddly enough smelled like the sweet salty body of the ocean.

His lips moved to my ear. They lightly brushed my earlobe and opened slightly. "I really missed you since the attack on the ship" his voice was deep and soothing. This caused goose bumps to arouse to life on my skin.

He lightly kissed my ear lobe and I was surprised that I didn't collapse at the moment. Hot soft kisses trailed down my neck and I just stood there not breathing. His hand that was on my hip was now on the other side of my neck. A gloved finger traced my jaw line and turned my head towards his. Our breaths mingled. I stared at his face. His golden tan made his eyes stand out even more. My eyes traveled down to his lips as he slowly leaned in. He tilted my face upwards and kissed my bottom lip.

I felt my body grow stiff then it relaxed. I let my lips take their own course. As our kissed deepened I felt this warm sensation rush through me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me in closer as he wrapped his around my waist.

He unbuttoned my shorts and un-zipped them. I let my hands travel down to his chest. I found that he was as nervous as I was because his heart felt like it was going to go into over drive. Our lips parted and my lungs were thankful for the air.

He placed a kiss on my chin and moved along my jaw line and towards my neck. My hands buried themselves in his strawberry blond hair. His lips reached my ear and I almost giggled as he nibbled on it.

I closed my eyes and placed butterfly kisses on his neck. Each time I parted my lips felt cold and naked making me want to kiss his warn skin even more.

"I love you" he whispered huskily in my ear.

My eyes snapped opened from their trance. Did my ears deceive me or did he say "I love you"?

I felt an incredible weight of guilt pull at my heart. Why? Why did he say that?

What made it worse was that he wanted me with a feeling that I myself have no business messing around with…Love. And I wanted him with the horrid beast that always got me into trouble…Lust.

"I'm sorry" I whispered.

He stopped confused at my sudden apology.

"W-what?"

"W-we can't, I'm sorry," my hands dropped to my sides. He saw that I was serious and he stepped away from me. He sat down on the log and looked like he was trying to figure out what he did wrong. He looked confused, frustrated and horny.

"It's just not right." I said. He didn't look up to meet my gaze.

I looked at my feet. I backed away slowly and left him alone. I walked until I far enough from him. I was trying to walk it off. I could still smell him on me. I could still feel his body heat hovering on mine.

I reached an area and looked around. I sighed happy that he didn't follow me. I was surrounded by trees. A cool wind swept in. I closed my eyes and took in the air.

I reached into my pocket and took out some small darts. I focused my vision on the tree and I threw a dart. I did that for a while. It was just me and the darts. It kept my mind off of Tidus.

I heard some bushes rustle. I stopped what I was doing and stood silent. I tried to listen to my surroundings. I heard nothing. I shrugged and went to get my darts.

"What are you doing here alone?" a raspy voice asked.

I turned around to see a guado. I put my darts in my pockets.

"Nothing" I said quietly.

"You shouldn't be here; you have to stay with your group"

"Hey, I just took a walk; is that a crime?"

He looked at me and then he looked to the tree that once had my darts.

"What were you doing here?"

He walked up to the tree and touched its bark. He looked down angry that I hurt a precious thing of nature. He walked up to me and grabbed my arm tightly. His root like fingers felt rough against my fleshy arm.

"You were defacing our property!"

I snatched my arm away from him. Anger boiled inside of me

"You can't be serious! The tree is fine!"

"I want you to leave" he said. I stood my ground.

"There is no sign saying that I can't be here so, no! I won't leave!" he was getting annoyed with me but I wasn't going to let him tell me what to do. He unleashed a spear and got ready for battle.

"Then you leave me no choice" my jaw dropped.

"You have to be kidding me!" he charged at me but I was quick enough to dodge.

"You really want to fight me don't you?"

I stood in my own battle stance and ran to him. I rammed my fist into him. He stumbled back a little but got a hold of my arm and threw me on the ground. The hard ground knocked some wind out of me. He came and wanted to jam his spear into my chest.

I rolled over and heard the sound of metal meeting ground. I jumped up and dug into my pockets. He was trying to get his spear out of the ground. I took out an ice gem and combined it with another one. I hit him with my overdrive and he froze in his place. Ice crystals pointed out his body.

I walked up to him and saw the look of shock on his face. I tapped his frosted face and found it to be rock hard. I stood back and gave him a strong kick. He fell and shattered into pieces. The ground shined as much as the crystals in the trees. I heard rustling again. I looked around but saw no one. I got scared. Someone must have seen me. I left the broken guado and ran back to camp.

I found that the group set up camp with out me. Lulu was talking with a bandaged Wakka. Auron was at a distance looking around or staring into space. I saw Yuna sitting with Kimahri. She was chatting away softly and the blue ronso listened with a serious face in his eyes. I looked around and noticed that a certain person was missing. I didn't see Tidus anywhere.

I went to Wakka and lulu.

"Hey where's Tidus?'

"He said he wasn't feeling well and went to bed early." Wakka said

I nodded my head in thanks of the information. Lulu pointed to the tent that Tidus was in and I made my way there.

I slipped in and I saw him lying there staring up with a lost blank stare.

"Hey" I almost whispered

"I'm sleeping Rikku" he said not even making eye contact with me.

"Oh" I said getting the point that he indeed was upset about earlier

"I guess I'll craw my way back out then" I said turning

"Wait"

I stopped and I heard him sigh.

"Don't go…I'm sorry I don't mean to be mad at you" he said

I sat down in front of him.

"No I'm sorry; I shouldn't have run away like tha--"

"And I shouldn't have kissed you with out knowing if you felt the same"

There was a small silence between us.

"I'm sorry Tidus…but I just don't want to ruin what we already have you know? You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you. And if I do then I don't know what I'll do. I know that you can do better than me. And I know who, Yuna"

"Yuna?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

"Why not? She's beautiful and kind and giving and has it going on"

"You want me to be with Yuna?"

I laughed nodding my head and he smiled. I felt happy to see his smile.

"You're looking for something that I can't give you and she's looking for someone who's going to be there for her. It's a perfect match"

He nodded his head absorbing like a sponge what I said to him

"So are you still mad at me?"

"I could never be mad at you Rikku. You're too cute for that" he said poking me.

"Hey that tickles!" I laughed.

I heard someone clear their throat angrily outside. I peeked and saw a familiar red coat.

"Oops I guess I'll leave you to your rest" I said looking at Tidus. I turned to leave

"Hey Rikku" he called out, I turned my head.

"Thanks," he said. I smiled

"No problem" I left his tent and went to where Wakka and Lulu were. I stared at the hungry fire for the rest of the night.

* * *

I bent down to the water and saw my reflection stare back at me. The frown of disappointment was clear. My finger tips touched the icy water's surface and created ripples that destroyed my image. But my reflection came back in one piece and stared at me still. It's like nothing can change what I've become.

I stood up and looked around one last time. The woods would one day disappear along with any memories that were conceived in its presence. I turned around and started walking towards my next stop. Hopefully Bevelle would be a little more exiting.

* * *

A/N: well that was chapter 9, I put some Tikku in there (please tikku fans don't hurt me, I bruise easily) Thank you so much for reading and don't forget to leave a review.

Responses: 

Fanfic-lover: Thanks a lot; I'm happy you're enjoying it

TearsOfInfinity: I'm glad you like things that are sad and dark because God knows this is drenched in it. Thanks.

Elusivefoxfire: Thank you so much. I did use both games for help especially in description of areas and some dialogue. The kappa thing was my favorite thing to write, but knowing me a plastic bag would make me laugh.

Celsie: Thanks and your story rocks

Shiroi Hikari: Groovy name, Thanks a lot, I tried my best not making it too dark and too gory, and trust me I love that stuff but I didn't want to over do it. As for the whole Gippal/Nhadala thing, why not? I haven't seen it in a fic so I guess I'll it a try. I know there doesn't seem to be any type of evidence in the game but hey, I just thought "what if?" I guess I just wanted Gippal to fall for a regular girl who isn't all that pretty (no offence to YRP) my beta said that it adds to his character, you know he's not just after a pretty body and a pretty face.

RiPa: Aww don't cry I feel guilty now. But I'm glad it's to your liking.

To anyone else who takes the time to read this, thank you!


	10. The end of a pilgrimage

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy X or X-2

* * *

Chapter Ten: The end of a pilgrimage

When I arrived I was surprised to see so many people walking around and enjoying themselves. The city's bright lights illuminated the colors of their elaborate building designs. Stands with games and prizes littered the streets. The air smelled smoky from the food carts that were grilling up tasty meat and vegetables on sticks.

"What's going on?" I asked a man who was enjoying a cotton candy.

"This festival is held every year to honor Yevon," the man said

Besides the game stands and the food, there seemed to be a giant Ferris wheel. The people that swayed in the wind seemed to wave at the on lookers from below. Seeing the children giggle wildly made my small inner child peer her head. I wanted to go out and have some fun.

I walked up to a game stand. I paid the man and picked up the toy gun. The object of the game was to shoot and hit the middle of the aligned bottles that formed a pyramid. I closed one eye trying to concentrate and find my aim.

"Both eyes are better, you see twice as much" I turned around to see who the owner of the soft masculine voice was. It was Baralai. I smiled and put the toy gun down. He came up beside me and gave it a try. He hit the target. The owner awarded Baralai with a small stuffed chocobo, which he handed to me.

"Thanks!"

He smiled softly. I've always been attracted to him. Baralai wasn't handsome, that word didn't fit his caramel skin, dark coffee eyes or his soft snowy hair. He was beautiful. The smoothness of his skin seemed soft and made the boyish features that his face radiated look vulnerable. Yet when he's serious those boyish features age slightly giving him the look of someone fierce and willing to do what ever it takes to accomplish his goals.

We began walking around the area talking about the typical things old acquaintances that haven't seen each other in a while talk about.

"Where are lady Yuna and Paine?"

"Oh…. well you see it's just me. I decided to travel a bit"

Explosions erupted from the sky as tiny bits of sparkling confetti rained down. The fireworks were beautiful and I was mesmerized by their hypnotizing aura. They seemed to color the dark sky and give it life.

"So how is your journey going?"

My eyes tore away and looked at Baralai who was also watching the spectacle that was going on in the sky.

"It's great" I said with a plastered smile on my face. Then my smile melted into a frown. I might as well tell someone who might know something.

"Although… some things have been a little off"

"A little off?" He looked at me this time. The bright lights reflected off his dark bronze skin.

"With the fiends"

"continue"

"There weren't that many in the Thunder Plains, except for one. The woods were empty."

He was silent. He looked at the sky again. The crackle of the fire works made the sky smoky and thick. I felt like I made a mistake in telling him.

"Forget I brought it up, I'm probably over reacting anyway"

"The woods are disappearing," he said breaking his silence.

"Well, yeah"

"Maybe… it can be possible that since the woods are disappearing that the fiends are too and since the thunder plains is connected to it it's going on there as well"

"Oh…will it spread?"

He was quiet again. He looked up at the sky.

"It's highly unlikely…but you never know"

The silence hung thick again and I was beginning to feel awkward. He cleared his throat.

"Would you accept the invitation of joining me for dinner? You came all this way; it would be rude of me to let a guest feel unwelcomed."

"I would love to"

* * *

Dinner was nothing special. Although I did pretend a little that it was a date. But my hopes were completely diminished when it was obvious that he wasn't looking for anyone. It couldn't hurt to try right? He insisted that I stayed over for the night. He didn't want me traveling alone at night.

The room I was offered was beautiful. Its powder blue walls made me feel like I was floating in the sky. The large bed was adorned with exotic quilts and the pillows were soft to the touch. Across the bedroom was a balcony that faced the back. I went straight to the bathroom and took a luxurious bath. After my fingers began to get pruney I decided to get out and change into my pajamas. The bag that I left on the floor next to the bed spilled over with the journal. I decided to just get it over with it and write the next entry.

* * *

Journal Entry # 9

Sin was defeated and the Calm was set. No one expected Sin to return in another ten years. Yuna did it; we did it. Yet I felt a hollow happiness inside of me. Should I be happy that a monster that had caused so much sorrow was destroyed? I did help defeat Sin; however the noble act could never erase all the turmoil I had caused in my life. It wasn't enough to erase all of my sins.

I realized this when Tidus jumped. That was a day forever embedded in my memory. He and Yuna grew close together and I was happy to see those smiles on their faces. She had someone who loved her and he had finally gotten what I could never give him with out truly harming him…Love.

After that day we all went to our lives. We were like missing pieces of life's puzzle that went to complete the big picture. I was home sick and was glad to be in my room again. I decided to start my own business. Uncle Rin helped me out by teaching me how to respect and handle customers. He also taught me how to manage the gil I make. My little shop was literally half of my room. I was the youngest person to own their own business and this of course made pop proud. I became well known for my work.

I was in my room working on an engine part for a crane that was due in some time. I just needed to put in some loose screws and my week's worth of work would be complete.

A knock on my door interrupted me. I huffed and pouted angrily that someone would dare bug me. I stood up and reluctantly opened the door. My eyes grew wide at the image that stood before me.

The spiked haired blond with a signature black eye patch stood in front of me wearing a fitted violet shirt that outlined his well-developed muscular body. A black belt was around the collar of the shirt and it trailed down to his chest. Red and black-stripped shoulder plates were held into place by yellow straps that formed an X figure on his chest and also held his baggy black pants.

Gippal looked different and it was obvious that he no longer was the scrawny boy that broke my heart but a man. His face lost now smooth and slim was still dark with a bronze tan. His pierced ears and side burn barrettes were the classic sign of rock star rebellion. My eyes devoured every feature from his nose to his lips. Each feature making him more handsome. I felt my heart and common sense. Should I hug and kiss him and tell him how much I missed him? Or should I just yell at him for being an asshole?

Common sense declared its victory as I slammed my door in his face.

"Rikku come on!" his muffed voice said

I walked back to my desk ignoring his pleas. I sat down and screwed in another bolt when I heard my door's lock click and the squeak of it slowly opening. I stood up and didn't bother turning around to face him.

"It's not nice to break into people's rooms"

He chuckled.

"This coming from a thief"

I turned around and his smile disappeared as he saw how serious I looked we stared at each other. He gave into the silence and the mental war we had going on.

"I just want to talk about us"

"There's nothing to talk about concerning us," I almost whispered

He sighed in defeat and I took this as a cue to go back to my work.

"The weather is kind of dry lately"

I nearly dropped my tool

"We live in the desert Gippal,"

"Hey you didn't want to talk about us so I thought the weather was a good topic"

He came over and stood next to me and picked up some bolts

"So what ya doing?"

He was working my last nerve. I turn towards him and looked up to his tanned face.

"Gippal what are you tryin-"

He stopped me in mid sentence with a kiss. His lips were so soft. I was indulging in the warmth of his lips. Instinct took over and I felt my arms rising upwards to circle themselves around his neck. He took my arms off around him and stopped the kiss. I opened my eyes to see his cocky grin. My ears grew hot and I knew they were growing red as I felt my blood rush towards them.

"Now that you're in the mood. Can we talk about us?"

"You jerk!" I yelled and I took the engine part and left my room leaving him behind me shocked Gippal standing behind the door.

I made my way to the work site surprised that Gippal wasn't on my tail. Getting off the hover bike I cradled the part in my arms. I went up to pops ship and as usual I had to show my ID.

"Great you're here" Buddy said smiling at me.

"Yeah, sorry if I'm late, something annoying came up and I had to deal with it"

"Gippal?" he said crossing his arms across his chest.

"How did you know?"

"He won't shut up about you"

I rolled my eyes showing that I could care less and he laughed. We went towards the crane operating room.

"Good we just got a shipment in and we're trying to load it on land" the man in charge said.

"Don't worry the crane will be ready" I said opening the engine hatch and inserting the part. I screwed it in tightly and flipped the button to turn it on. With my own eyes I saw it slowly roar to life. I closed the hatch, happy that it was a success.

"Test it out"

He pulled back the lever and the crane lifted upwards. It picked up the large metal package that probably weighed a ton and lifted it in the air moving it forward.

"Its running smoothly thanks Rikku" the man said

"No problem!" I chirped and I left the operating room. Buddy decided to walk me back to the hover car that was parked near the ship. The crane was working find, loading the packages onto land with people guiding the operator on where to drop the load.

"Listen you want to take a break and hang out later"

"Sorry but I have another part to fix"'

The look of disappointment was apparent on his face.

"It's ok I understand" he said

"Buddy its not--"

A sonic boom erupted as the crane dropped a large metal package. The loud sound made my ears a little deaf. I just stood there watching men run towards the site as blood began to leak from the bottom of the large metal tank. The sand sucked it up quickly trying to get nourishment from it. I could hear my heart in my ears as salty streams rained down my cheeks. Right then and there I felt my world begin to crumble.

"How can you not double check a piece of machina!" he bellowed. The room was quiet besides the sounds of my quiet sobs.

I flinched at those words. I've never seen pops this angry before. Because of me three men were crushed under the weight of the heavy cargo. They said that the lever got stuck and sparks began to fly in the control room. My shoulders hung in shame…I had failed and in the process took three lives. Icried hiding my face with my hands. A face of a monster shouldn't be seen in pain and misery.

"You are not to go near a piece of machine again! Do you hear me?"

"Yes" I whispered

"Go home and clean everything out, I have too much to do now, do you know how hard it's going to be to tell their families?"

I shook my head no, because if I said other wise I knew I was going to be yelled at again.

He sighed as he looked into my puffy eyes.

"Just go home," he said looking away from me. Had I created such disgust in his eyes? I felt abandoned by him. Couldn't he a least spare some words of sympathy towards me? I was his daughter, his baby, yet I became this monster in his eyes. And I knew why…because I took the only thing he would ever love…mom.

When I got back to my room I saw the missing bolts on my desk. I was so distracted with Gippal that I forgot to put those remaining bolts. Anger began to swell deep inside my stomach. It traveled upwards and made my heart pump with heat. How could I be so stupid? Can't I be a professional with out getting my feelings get the best of me? I went to the desk and shoved everything off. All plans were ripped to shreds and thrown in the air. I took the chair and began to beat the desks. Pieces of wood and splinters ricocheted across the room. I sat there on the floor crying. The type of crying that makes you hic-cup when you try to breathe. I felt little again. I fell asleep curled up on the floor.

When I woke up my head began to pound in pain. I felt like I had a hang over. I rubbed my eyes and felt the puffy skin around them sting with irritation. I stood up and looked at my disheveled room. How was I going to explain this? I looked outside my window and saw that night was in the process of ruling the sky. I sat there on my bed. Everything I tried to do always had a consequence involving death. My life had no meaning. I brought about un-happiness and grief.

I went to my closet and took my book bag and began to fill it up with clothes. I knew where I had to go to atone for my sins.

Our people began working on the lighting towers in the Thunder Plains. Although I was great full that now I could walk about with out being struck down it didn't change my fear of it. I decided to camp in a small dome. I knew that there I wouldn't be struck down and I could begin living my life as a homeless inhabitant of the plains. As the week went by storms became more and more frequent. The howling of the wind, the cold rain that plummeted from the smoky sky and the stray thunder bolts that were able to escape their imprisonment from the towers became my companions, my family.

But nothing could help me get over the guilt I had over the three men. I closed my eyes as sleep began its journey.

I woke up to find myself on pops ship again. No one was on it. The orange sky signified that darkness would soon reign as king. I walked on the metal floor. The desert wind picked up and brought the scent of the ocean to my nose. I went to the railing and looked out. The sun was setting and it looked like it was a blink away from falling asleep.

The sound of a moving crane started me. I turned and looked up. The cargo was coming down towards me. I jumped over the rail. The water felt warm. I surfaced to take a breath of air and tried to swim towards the ship again. I swam and swam but the ship kept getting farther and farther. The muscles in my arms and legs began getting tense and tired as the struggled to cut through the liquid. That's when I noticed that the water wasn't water anymore. It was blood.

I felt myself slowing down. My mind pushed my body but it was obvious that it wanted to stop. My body mass soon began to sink in the thick crimson liquid. I went under and the substance stung my eyes. The oxygen that I had gulped began to swell for release in my lungs. I couldn't handle it's pressure and let it out. I felt gallons of the metallic liquid rush into my mouth and nose. I shook my head trying to prevent anymore blood coming in. I was drowning and I couldn't do anything to stop it from happening.

My lungs became heavy with the liquid. I opened my eyes and mouth hoping that I could scream but the only thin I felt was a pain that vibrated through my back. I hung my head knowing that my lungs had exploded.

"Rikku" the distance voice called.

I was dead right? The blood filled ocean was my grave.

"Rikku!"

I shot gasping for air and holding on to who ever was there holding me. A faint smell of cologne and desert sand filled my senses.

"Hey it's ok, I'm here" Gippal said. I held on to him as if afraid I would fall back into the blood filled sea again.

We were both silent. The rain snapped and crackled outside the dome. We looked at each other. His face looked so young. I felt my heart begin to beat slower as he leaned in. the softness of our kiss brought back so many good memories back. The warmth of his mouth was something I needed to heat my shivering body. It was a little piece of heaven that I wanted and never wanted to let go.

We made love right then and there. My body started to remember the feeling of two bodies moving in rhythm as one. The feeling of flesh making contact with flesh created an unbearable desire that made me cling to his every thrust. The electric warm current that shoots up and down the spine when orgasm hits, numbed my brain from any coherent thoughts. We laid there after wards not saying a word. I stared at the rusted ceiling of the small dome. Its intricate veins of orange crusty rust looked like a map. Full of paths that perhaps were recorded from all the travelers that have stopped. I wondered if the pilgrimage was recorded there.

"I should get you back home, your father sent me to get you back not make love to--"

I crushed my lips against his. I left him stunned by my actions. I quickly got dressed and waited for him. After we cleared my things up we left the small dome. As we walked back, hand in hand to my father's airship I noticed that I didn't flinch once in the Thunder Plains. It's funny how a week can vanquish a lifetime fear.

* * *

I closed the journal when I felt sleep trying to rape my eye lids. I put the notebook away and stood up and stretched. I walked towards the balcony and opened the door.

A chilly breeze broke in making me jolt in response. Goosebumps quickly covered my body. I stood looking out and taking in the chilled air. The darkness seemed to coat the back corridor with a thick paint of death. Nothing moved, no one dared entered. Yet the only thing that seemed alive were the exotic flowers that let the moon's silver light caress their petals. It was as if the darkness feared such bright life.

At the corner of my eye I saw someone move. I looked up and saw Baralai at his own balcony. I frowned when I saw the blank look on his face. Stress seemed to have made him numb to all emotion. He looked tired but determined to stay awake. It reminded me of all the times I tried to stay up to watch my favorite show with mom…now that's just a distant memory. A tingling feeling started to warn me that I should go back inside into the warmth. I closed the door behind me and buried myself under the covers. I closed my eyes hoping that Baralai would get some sleep.

* * *

A/N: I will be honest. This was not my favorite chapter to write. I wanted to explain the Thunder Plains and give more attention to the sub-plot with Baralai. I guess I won't get comfortable until I reach the X-2 story portion of the fic. Oh enough of my useless drabble…tell me what ya think by leaving a review

Responses:

Shiroi Hikari: Yes…Tikkus are the best. Enjoy the rest of the story!

RiPa: Oh now I don't feel bad now. Thank you for the nice complements. It's great that you go back and write better because that's what I do when I read something good.

TearsOfInfinity: lol. Thanks I hope this rocks too.

Anichan: Yes; gothic, creepy and morbid things are all the stars in this story. I'm glad you like that stuff. Enjoy!

Fanfic-Lover: Yeah poor Tidus…but he's still hot.

Hitomi Fanel: I'm grateful for all of your reviews! I'm happy that it's caught your attention. And thanks for the cookies! (Yum)


	11. Suspicion arises

A/N: I hope everyone is enjoying their summer! I've been busy butI didn't forget so here is another update.

Disclaimer: I don't own FFX or FFX-2

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Suspicion arises

I woke up the next day early. My journey was half way over and I wanted to get a head start. I got ready and as I was putting my journal in my bag I heard a knock on my door. I opened the door to see an unusual face at the other side.

"Oh, good morning" I said

"I trust you slept well"

"Well that bed is perfect! I almost didn't wake up!" I cheerily bopped from side to side.

He looked like if something was hanging on his conscience. I wanted to ask but then decided not to because I didn't want to seem rude.

"I wish for you to stay and have breakfast with me. I would hate to see you go so soon, and what kind of a host would I be if I didn't offer you breakfast."

"Oh…I was thinking of hitting the road early, but since you insist"

He put his arm out like a true gentlemen and I took it. We strolled down the hall and headed towards the city. We made it to a small café that he said was well known for its breakfast menu through out the city.

"Where do you plan on going after this?"

"Well I think I'll visit the Calm Lands and see what Clasko is up to, poor guy probably hasn't seen a person in months since he took up raising chocobos"

"As long as he is happy doing what he loves"

"Do you love what you do?"

"My job as praetor is something very dear to me. I would sacrifice my life for the well being of my people."

"It's nice to know your principles"

He looked at his menu trying to avoid eye contact with me. I giggled when I saw the tip of his ears reddened a bit.

"Praetor Baralai" he looked up to see his young assistant. His assistant was a young man with the same clothing style as Baralai. But his hazel eyes were filled with fear. I stared at him; if something was wrong then his face clearly portrayed it. He leaned into Baralai's ear

Baralai's face was as calm as ever not showing any hint of emotion.

"If you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend"

I stared at him trying to figure out what was wrong. Why didn't he have the same look of fear as his assistant? I guess it was his job to stay cool in a serious situation. I wonder what is going on.

"I am completely sorry for this sudden interruption, perhaps we will reschedule and maybe lady Yuna and Paine would be able to join us." He said standing up; I nodded my head in agreement. He then turned towards his advisor.

"Make sure lady Rikku gets what ever she wants," and with that he bowed and left the nervous assistant with me. He nodded his head vigorously like a small child.

He tried to pour orange juice for me but his hands kept shaking.

"I'll help you with that." I took the pitcher and poured my self a glass. I stood up from my chair and massaged his shoulders. I felt him tense up more.

"You need to relax, your going to give yourself a heart attack ya know?" I pushed him down into the seat Baralai was sitting in.

"Why didn't you have some breakfast, I bet it'll calm you down" I said sitting back into my own seat. I poured some juice into his glass. I watched the orange liquid slush from side to side as his nervous hands shook it. His trembling lips kissed the rim of the glass and in seconds the cool liquid disappeared.

"Thank you but I must go" he seemed to look a little better. He stood up and left the table.

I ordered and ate breakfast alone not really caring about the stares I got from some of the people. After that I reached for my communicator in my bag and dialed brother's number.

There were various rings until a sleepy gruff voice picked up.

"Huh?"

"Rise and shine!" I yelled. I could picture him cringe at the happiness and loudness of my voice.

"Rikku! What do you want?"

"Can you pick me up?"

"Where?" he spat angrily.

"Um….Zanarkand ruins?"

"What! What are you doing there?"

"Well I'm not there yet, I think it'll take me two days to get there,"

"Where are you?"

"Having breakfast with a very handsome praetor" I put the communicator a good distance from my ear to prevent brother's obscenities to render me deaf. I laughed.

"Calm down! It's just breakfast and he's working, so will you pick me up?"

He sighed, he was obviously tired.

"Yeah, yeah, now leave me alone!"

"Sweet dreams!" I squealed loudly. All I heard was a loud click on the other end. I have done what I was born to do. I annoyed Brother for the day. I put the communicator away.

I poured another glass of orange juice. I brought the glass to my lips and savored the sweet sharp tangy taste of the now luke warm substance. It brought my thoughts back to Baralai advisor.

I sat back trying to figure out what could make a grown man so scared like that. Something was wrong and this time I couldn't ignore it. Bevelle always has had its secrets. But what could these secrets be this time?

* * *

I walked vigilantly along the road towards the Calm Lands. Nothing looked out of place. I made it to the mass green bed of grass and saw nothing that would be considered suspicious. I walked through not seeing the hover crafts that I would normally be parked. The place looked empty but then again this is the Calm Lands. I made it to Clasko's cave with out a fiend battles.

"Hello" I said into his chocobo stables.

"I'm in here" I heard his voice yell. I ran over to the stable.

The chocobo that he was dealing with did not want to be touched. As soon as he got near it, it warked and ran to the other side of the stable

"Do you need any help?" I said tossing my bag aside.

"Yeah, he's been acting up ever since I got here, it's like he's scared or something and none of my greens can calm him down"

"How about I go to this end and you take the exit end, that way we'll be able to catch him."

"Good idea" he said positioning himself to the door way of the stable.

The chocobo was shaking with fear, it's golden feathers shifted and stuck out. I walked slowly towards the end of the small room and Clasko slithered his way towards the exit.

"Come here babe, come on" I cooed and I flinched to move towards him.

The chocobo let out a shrinking wark and drove through Clasko. I ran over to the blacked out young man.

"Clasko?"

He didn't wake up. There was a big bump on his head. I looked up and saw no sight of the chocobo. I dragged his body towards the other end. I couldn't just leave him alone. I got my bag and sat next to him. I made sure he was comfortable and made a pillow out of my bag. I took out my journal and using my knees for support to write on began another entry.

I didn't want to leave him alone, so I just pulled his body back towards my end of the stable. I took out my journal and used my bag as a pillow for him.

* * *

Journal Entry # 10

Two years had gone by and being with Gippal was the only reason I why wasn't found dead with a slit throat in my bathtub. He was the only person that had kept me sane and when I realized this I felt selfish and ignorant. Did he even care at how much I thought about him when we were apart? Did he even know the extent of the important his existence had on my life? I don't think he ever got to know that. Maybe it was him; maybe he was my reason for being. But now as I look back it was just the simple idea of being with someone was what kept me alive. What ever the case, I was seventeen and I wanted more out of my life. I wanted to live for Gippal but I also wanted to live for myself.

I was somewhat happy; Gippal and I had been together for two years, which to me was a milestone. He was so good with machina that he became leader of the Machina Faction at Djose Temple. He always wanted to do things for himself and the faction provided him with a satisfaction of getting things his way that no other job could offer. He was always away and I had reluctantly agreed that I was ok with it but he was happy which made me happy.

Since Brother and Buddy flat out abandoned me to go get some "lost ship" I had no one to hang out with. My old business was gone and I knew that no one trusted me so I had no purpose. The desert fiends were becoming child's play, so instead of just wasting away and waiting for Gippal to come home, I got off my butt and trained.

After a long tedious battle I would feel the satisfaction pump through my veins, feeding my heart with sweet adrenaline. Wiping the sweat off my brow I would plot myself down on the ground and fix the machine so that I can go for another round.

"Hey, can I try?"

A cocky masculine voice caught my attention and I turned around, heart jumping into my throat as my nerves tried to calm it down. It wasn't Gippal. I frowned in disappointment to see a fellow Al Bhed. His hair wasn't spiky like Gippal's but was slicked down and his bangs met his eyebrows. His swirled jaded eyes were full of curiosity.

"It's not as easy as it seems" I said to him dusting my hands off.

"What's so hard? Just bust it up until it loses a screw"

I already disliked him. He had this arrogant air that surrounded him. It hung thick and low and it gave my nose this sour smell that made me taste it at the back of my throat.

"So the machina gets harder and harder after each defeat?"

"Depends on what parts I have, I think I'll have to dig some more to get some parts"

He shook his head as if my answer was too naïve for his tastes. He crossed his arms and in front of his chest and spoke.

"Why dig at all? When you can have an army do it for you?"

"What do you mean?"

He chuckled.

"Cid's girl"

I blinked, trying to get the sand out of my eyes and trying to register what he just said.

"What did you call me?"

"I said, it's only a position for a girl"

"Oh" I said turning away from him and going towards my machina. "Sorry"

"Anyway, the position is for head of the digging excavation going on in the Western Expanse, they said that the leader works closely with Gippal"

"Really?" I asked. Maybe this was what I needed, I could keep digging, training and be close to Gippal.

"Yeah, Cid is in charge of hiring"

"Listen, it was nice meeting you?"

"Gipel"

"Huh?" I said trying to shake a familiar male image out of my eyes.

"Mitchell, my name is Mitchell"

"Oh….that's a strange name"

"Yeah, my parents wanted something exotic or something…hey want to hang out or something" he said walking up to me.

"Um…I want to go check the digging excavation"

"Oh come on, let's just hang out and get to know each other" he said taking my hand and intertwining my fingers with his.

"I have a boyfriend"

"I'm just this friendly with all my female friends…don't worry I won't bite…unless you want me too"

"Uh…." I said letting go of his hand. "I'll see ya later or something"

"Hey better yet! I'll walk you to Cid's office."

I cursed Yevon under my breath, knowing that he was some type of punishment karma had put together for me to endure.

I barged in through the door; I slammed it behind me and went up to the desk. His room wasn't as cluttered as it was when I was little. It was more organized then I thought it would be.

"Don't you know how to knock?" He grouched annoyed at me.

"I want the position" I said sitting down and placing my feet on his desk.

He shoved my feet off and stood up.

"No" he said crossing his arms.

"Oh come on pops!"

"Rikku, this is a lot of responsibility. For now it only involves the Western Expanse, when the other parts are settled then it will expand."

"Why won't you trust me? Is it because of what happened two years ago? Are you scared of me?"

"That's part of it, if the storms return, then it will be your responsibility to get the groups back home, safely."

"So then can I please have it?"

"Rikku" he said warningly.

"How will I prove to you I'm trust worthy If I don't' get the position"

"If people know that you got the job then they will lose their confidence in me"

"What!"

"It wouldn't be fair if my own daughter got the job that I advertised."

"So then appoint me"

"It's not as easy as sit seems…Rikku, there are things you are good at and I won't deny that that. But you get distracted easily. You let your personal life mix in with work…your emotions get the best of you"

"No they don't!" I said standing up out raged. I knew I was an emotionally broken person but I had nothing left. After what I've been through I was surprised to have a soul. I could feel my anger and denial boil at the root of my stomach as it traveled upwards to my heart.

We stared at each other, trying to see who was the weakest of us to blink first.

"Stop trying to prove to me that you're strong, it's not working" he said through clenched teeth. He seemed annoyed at my display of determination.

I felt like I almost lost it. My body trembled as it tried to calm my nerves from throwing a fit. From jumping on his desk and ripping all his plans to yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs that I could still do it, that I was worthy; I tried not to become what he always saw in me: a weak person who will never truly amount to anything because emotions make them weak. My eyes began to moisten and my vision of him began to get blurry.

"It's not fair" I whispered. I was surprised I didn't choke on those words.

"Get used to it, because life isn't fair, and I'm sure as hell not going to make it fair for you"

His forehead hung low as if all his anger concentrated t here. It made him look like the cold barbaric bastard that he was. The tears came down my eyes but I did not whimper, I did not say a word and I did not wipe them away. I turned around slowly and without looking back I closed the door. I should have known better, I was such an idiot to believe that pops actually thought something good of me.

I sat down in the sand drawing on it with a stick. I wrote my name over and over again and every time I would cross it out. Hoping that me erasing it would mean that I would erase my own existence.

"Hey you ok?"

I dropped the stick and looked up to see Mitchell. He looked worried and sat down behind me.

"No"

"you didn't' get the job?" He guessed

My silence was enough to inform him of my disappointment. My shoulders hung and my back slouched. He leaned over and massaged my shoulders. Even though he was annoying and a pervert he was the only friend I had. I guess beggars can't really be choosers in my situation.

"I guess you don't want to know who got the job"

"Who?"

"Nhadala"

And with that name I knew deep inside that Gippal and I were through.

* * *

I heard a moan from beside me. I closed the notebook and gave my attention to the now dazed and confused soldier. 

"My head" he said rubbing his now matted chocolate hair. I took out a mega elixir and unscrewed the cap

"Here…drink this, it'll make you better" I said cupping his face as if he were a child and placing the tip of the bottle on his lips. His adam's apple bobbed up and down signifying that the liquid had traveled down his throat. He blushed when I cleaned a stay drop of the liquid off his bottom lip.

"Better?"

"y-yeah" he said looking away.

"You were out cold for sometime. Do you know why the chocobo went all crazy like that?"

"I don't know. When I got here this morning she was so hostile towards me. It was like she was scared that something was going to get her yet she refused to leave the stable."

"Wait, you weren't here before?"

"No, I was called away on Youth League duty"

"What happened?"

"Nothing you should be concerned about, a fiend problem near the Moonflow, it was taken care of."

"Were they glowing with over soul?" I asked hoping that I was on to something.

"Over soul? Why would they be oversouled?" His eyebrows fluttered with curiosity and confusion.

"Uh…forget" I said disappointed.

"I didn't necessarily fight, by the time I got there every thing was over…I'm...I'm such a coward" he put his face into his hands and shook as shame caressed his shoulders making them droop down. I pouted at the negativity he projected.

"Hey don't say that, I think you're a good soldier, you're just different from them. You're unique"

"The guys make fun of me…because of my chocobos" he said looking at me.

"Yeah well…" I paused trying to think of something to say, and then it came to me. It was something that even I would admit too. "You don't want their attention anyways…I bet it makes the ladies go wild knowing how sensitive and caring you are towards your chocobos"

"Well…um…I-I don't know about that"

He was a good guy. He deserved someone like him. I made a mental note to talk with Calli. She's just as chocobo crazy as him.

"Are you going to be ok?" I said standing up.

"Yeah, I'll just wait until the other chocobos come back from dispatch"

"Oh ok, well then I'm off!" I said picking up my bag.

"Good luck and thanks for every thing!"

I laughed and made my way out of the cave.

* * *

A/N: If Baralai is out of his character then screw it; I thought that with time he would mature a little, I didn't want him to be the same naïve Baralai from X-2. It's hard to tell since his role is so short in the fic. I think I'm getting the hang of writing him since I'm using him a lot for another fic. But it's up to you to decide. Oh yeah review and tell me what ya think. 

Responses:

Shi-Sha Hariken: Thanks. Your review means a lot.

Hitomi Fanel: wow, talk about making the story relate to your readers. I'm sorry that happened. I had a similar dream but it wasn't blood it was thick black ink.

tidus4yuna: I tend not to look at the hit count as much and the number of reviews because there are people who read and don't review (which I do my self because I'm lazy so I'm not mad) so it doesn't bother me. As long as it's here and is still an unusual fic in this section I'm happy.

Anichan: Lucky for you I have been keeping count! It all depends if she is involved. If they were intentional then 2 (wow) but if you want to add it all together, up until now she has taken away 15 lives. And to think she's not done yet.

ChErRyBlOsSoMs-FlOwErOfDeAtH: happy you like it, and I'm happy you agree with all of us Tikku fans

TianDogg: Thank you so much, your review really brought my head out of the clouds and come back to write this. I think that Rikku wasn't well represented in both games. I was disappointed at how….empty she was. She was like this hollow shell of a character that was made to look cute and act ditzy. I decided to make her my own and give her something that many would think is controversial and unforgivable. I also wanted to portray her as the villain of a fic. Thus this is the result. It never made sense to me either about the whole Tidus/Yuna thing; I always thought Tidus needed someone who could always keep up with his up beat attitude. I guess they didn't want another love triangle. Oh well, I hope this chapter was to your liking.

Keep Me In The Shadows: wow didn't expect four. I had trouble with her childhood at first but then I figured that I can't just write every little detail so I settled with the most important things. It's funny that you bring up the fact that you can't tell where the game ends and the story begins…a friend of mine was playing X-2 and said that she left it for a second on pause, when she came back the game was playing and Rikku was going Berserk on the fiends. Now she's terrified to play the game because she's scared Rikku might get her. She blames me…I'm so proud.


	12. Him?

A/N: Sorry I'm late. The website had an issue with me updating and it would reject anything I could post. I would like to thank those who offered your understanding. So here is the latest chapter so enjoy! Special thanks and credit to for some script dialogue.

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Him?

The snowy cave that lead up to Mt. Gagazet looked all the more inviting as flurries blew into the arid climate of the Calm Lands. The cold air whirled around me, making goosebumps shower my skin. It made me more aware of the lack of clothing I was wearing. I sighed and took out my garment grid. A white light soon engulfed me as white feathers fluttered down to my feet. The white mage dress sphere quickly became my second skin as it began to warm me.

"Kimahri happy to see Rikku" a voice from behind me said. I turned around and sure enough I was faced with a cat like face.

"Kimahri! It's great to see you," I said looking up to the blue Ronso.

"Kimahri just come back from Calm Lands. Kimahri want to know why Rikku traveling alone"

"Oh, I just decided to make my own little journey, ya know catch up with myself mentally"

"Rikku must follow Kimahri."

Confusion appeared on my face but the Ronso didn't want to address my curiosity any further. He began walking and I followed. The journey was quiet and long. Kimahri was more of a deep thinker than a talker so I took it upon myself to think of some things while we hiked up the mountain. I was mid-way into my journey and I still had so much of my past to cover. It was all too much but it was something that if I didn't do, it would end up killing me in the end. The journal was going to become my ever-haunting past. What should I do with it at the end? Should I show it someone? Should I burn it? I bumped into Kimahri when he stopped. He turned around and I blushed from embarrassment at my clumsiness. I then noticed my surroundings and saw that we were at the sacred hot spring.

"Rikku need to relax, Kimahri sense tension"

Before I could argue he was already walking back. I decided that maybe I did have some tension in my world and dropped my bag at the edge of the spring. I stripped down to my underwear and walked into the steaming water. Sitting down near the edge, I could feel the warmth work my knotted muscles loose. It was pure ecstasy that could have surpassed the pleasure of sex.

I reached for my journal and dried my hands with the towel from my bag. I used the edge as a desk and began writing another entry.

* * *

Journal Entry #11 

The ship rumbled and I held on to my seat. I squeezed my eyes shut thinking the worse. Thinking that the new air ship that Brother and Buddy had excavated had finally given out.

"Oops" I heard Brother as he lifted a lever that looked like the break.

"We're here," Buddy announced.

He came over and put his hand on my shoulder. The gentle squeeze made me open my eyes and meet gaze. I smiled at him, happy that he forced Brother to take me to Mt. Gagazet. I'd been meaning to train there since I was bored of all the fiends at home. I couldn't stand staying in the desert, it was so…mundane. It was all to predictable and I was beginning to hate every second of my life, living as just another Al Bhed doing what ever they can to make ends meet.

"Great!"

I cringed at Mitchell's voice in the background. He was becoming impossible to deal with. Always in my face and asking so many questions. He wanted us to get close yet I couldn't stand the mere sight of him. I didn't hate him…it just got to the point that his annoying aura seriously made me think about killing him. Something that I knew I could get away with if I really put my mind to it.

I jumped out of my seat with a plastered smile on my face and ran towards Mitchell. He laughed as I tried to play fight with him.

"Call us when you need us ok? We'll be near, we're just going to make a stop at Zanarkand to check on the temples of the Aeons since there aren't going to be any summoners now traveling to it" Buddy said crossing his arms in front of his chest.

I nodded my head smiling. I swear my cheeks were beginning to hurt a little. Brother came down from his seat. His face was serious. A curious Shinra peeked from his chair from the computer to see what was going to happen. The awkward silence that soon erupted into the air began to grow thick and made it difficult for me to breathe. As he walked towards Mitchell and me, I mentally hoped that he wouldn't do or say something so stupid that I would die right there from embarrassment.

"If there is one hair out of place on her head I will go out and hunt you down!" he yelled pointing at Mitchell.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. Brother was such an idiot to think that I couldn't handle my self.

"Don't worry, if I get in trouble I'll call for Kimahri" I said cutting in before Mitchell cracked a wiseass comment.

He grunted and looked a Mitchell, the simple jester made me think of pops, but soon those thoughts died as I snapped back into reality.

Buddy cleared his throat and stepped into the middle of brother and us.

"Just don't hesitate to call us"

"Right"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The door hummed as it went down and made contact with the rock hard floor. We walked down the rim and I gasped as the sudden burst of cold air rushed through my bare legs. The desert weather was the only atmosphere my skin was accustomed to so the sudden change in temperature made goosebumps appear.

Mitchell didn't expect it to be this cold and the look on his face was that of shock and confusion. But as soon as he looked at me his face went hard, as if he tried to hide the fact that the cold bitter air didn't bother him.

A sudden bust of cold air pushed us as the airship lifted it self up from the ground and took off into the murky sky. I saw the ship become a distant crimson star in a matter of seconds.

"So what's the game plan for today?" Mitchell said making my head turn to look at him.

"Just train, I want to see how difficult the fiends are here"

I took the lead and began walking towards the mouth of the cave. He followed suit with out saying a word. The cave was dim with large luminous crystals hanging from the ceiling. The gruff walls were covered with shadows made from near by rocks. Mitchell looked around taking everything in. I on the other hand looked around hoping to see any fiends that I could provoke. There was nothing but silence surrounding us. The thickness of it was bothering me and the echoes of our footsteps probably was the only thing that seemed alive.

We walked down some stone steps and made it to. I felt like we were in my mind and we were traveling into the deep crevices trying to find my secrets. I stopped in my tracks not wanting to go any further. Would I be confronting with a piece of my past as I venture in deeper into the cave? My legs were shaking and my feet were numb. My toes tingled as the blood tried to rush through them.

"Rikku, are you ok?"

I began to breathe again. My lungs filling up with the cold air making my head feel dizzy with relaxation.

"Y-yeah…listen, I'm going to check over here for anything ok?"

"Sure, I'll be here studying these" he said pointed to the large crystals.

I nodded my head and went further into the cave. I didn't know where I was going. The cave became vast in size making me feel small and insignificant. I was just a tiny puzzle piece within it. I stopped. Was this also reflecting my life? Where was I going? Did I going to live forever fear my past? I dropped to my knees and winced as the rough ground scraped against my bare skin. The burning sensation began to travel upwards to my thighs. I sat down to nurse my wound when I heard a growl echo through the cave.

I looked around as I held in my breath trying to concentrate through the silence to listen to the growl again. The sound of nails being dragged against the ground echoed. It was coming from Mitchell's direction. I scrambled my self to my feet and slowly crawled my way back to Mitchell. I saw him but thankfully he didn't see me. He was quivering as he was backed into a wall. I took another step forward and saw that a pack of rouge Lupine wolves were in front of him. I took another step and slipped a little. My weight shifted drastically and I landed on my back. The impact knocked the wind out of me and my eyes widen in alert. I stayed sprawled on the ground praying that the pack of wolves didn't want to investigate the noise. But nothing came.

I slowly got up and peeked from the rock that hid me. They growled as they inched on to their prey. My legs shook. I could have jumped over the rock to save him but something was telling me that I should watch this scene for a little while longer.

His tanned face paled, making him look almost green. The head wolf jumped ahead and snapped its mouth. It used its hind legs to kick up and fore legs to grab on to Mitchell. The cave soon became colorful with screams of pain and agony. The head wolf dug into Mitchell's neck as it tore flesh away. Blood began to gush out and a refreshing pool was created around them. The other wolves licked the thick liquid. Their thick tongues were crimson and their eyes full of a lust that made them glow. The head of the pack dropped down with Mitchell's corpse and then the feast began. The wolves like greedy vultures, feasted upon Mitchell, they took away body parts ruthlessly. The tearing of flesh from joints and the crackle of bones as they were being chewed. It was all truly fascinating and I didn't want to look away.

Violently shaking their heads they tried to take apart his torso. They decided that it was best to drag it back. I saw them, working as a team, drag Mitchell's torso away into the darkness. I noticed that I was holding in my breath and I forced my lungs open. The stench of blood and death stung my nostrils and left a sour taste at the back of throat. I stood up confident that the wolves were not going to come back and walked over to what was left of Mitchell.

The pool of blood was now sticky. It would soon be slippery when the cold air around. There was nothing left but rough edged bones and some pieces of pink flesh. I didn't feel guilty. In fact, I felt angry and disappointed. Why did I let them do it? I could have just jumped over the rock dealt with the wolves and killed Mitchell myself. My ears grew hot in jealousy. Those wolves got to him before me.

A tiny sparkle at the corner of my eye. Ignoring the bloody foot prints that followed me I walked over to the wall full of large crystals. There was a sphere lodged in between two shafts of glass. I pride it out and examined the sphere. It was heavy, like it carried all the secrets of spiral. I tried to activate it but it didn't work. It was a dud. I could have tossed it away but my gut was telling to keep it and give it to Shinra. I placed the sphere in my pocket and headed down the cave again, this time I embraced the darkness that it provided.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I reached the bottom I was happy to finally see the long snowy road that lead to Kimahri.

"Kimahri" I said

"Kimahri surprised to see Rikku"

"I decided to visit and see how you're doing"

"Kimahri doing fine,"

"Well it's great to see that you're finally the leader!" I cheered

"Responsibility is on Kimahri's shoulders but Kimahri can handle it fine."

Kimahri reached behind him and pulled out a golden sphere.

"Kimahri found this at sacred mountain top near Zanarkand." He took out a sphere that looked like the one that I found.

"Did you activate it?"

"Kimahri think Rikku should activate"

I took the sphere in my hands, feeling the smooth icy surface as I tried to find the small button. I activated it and soon a snowy image began to shine. It was a blond haired man in a cage. He looked so familiar. His golden looks were spiked and his clothes were unusual. The strongest asset he possessed were his deep blue eyes. Then it all clicked in my head. Could it be…him?

"_What the hell do I get arrested for? Let me go already!" _he yelled. His voice was different. It was deeper and full of rage.

"_You hear me, don't you? What'd you think if she was your girl?"_

By this time he reached the bars and shook them violently.

"_Who cares if I used the enemy's machina? It was the only way to save the summoner!"_

"_What would you have done instead!"_

He shook his head as if he was giving up.

"_Let me out of here…let me see her"_

Then he sat down in the cage and the scene went black.

I almost dropped the sphere.

"Rikku?"

I looked up at Kimahri and smiled.

"Kimahri! I have to show this to Yunie! Do you think it's him?"

"Kimahri not know"

"Oh…" I said disappointed.

"Kimahri would like Rikku to keep sphere"

"Thanks!" I said pocketing the sphere.

"Rikku, we're landing where we dropped you off, time to go home" I heard buddy say from the small communication device in my ear.

"Right,"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fascinating" Shinra said as he watched the sphere again.

"Is it who I think it is? Is it him?"

"It's quite difficult to tell, but if anyone should know it should be Yuna and the others who knew him well, like you."

Brother huffed from a distance. He wasn't too happy about the sphere.

"Where's Mitchell?" buddy asked

"Oh…um…he said that he had some family in the calm lands and decided to stay there for a while"

"Really? I never knew that" he said scratching his head

I didn't want to press the matter any further.

"Hey can you look at this one. The button to activate it is missing"

He examined the sphere and placed it into the computer. After a couple of minutes he reviled a snowy image of some one running.

"_Hey come back here! Someone stop them!"_

The image went black

"Whoa, what was that all about?"

"It might have been someone who must have taken something valuable"

"Hmm"

"It may be a dud but I think I can make it useful for you"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I can make it into a dress sphere. From what we've seen and if my assumption is correct than the image that we saw was that of a thief. I've been working on a new invention that lets the person take on the abilities the sphere hosts. In this case those skills of a thief can be put to good use"

"Cool, not that I need anymore help in that department but I guess I'll try it out"

"Great, here" he said giving me the sphere.

"Huh?"

"Try it out, I already did it, just activate it"

I looked at the sphere

A white light engulfed my body as I felt naked for a millisecond. My heartbeat grew rapid as panic began to take over. What the hell did Shinra invent? Soon the light was gone and I was left with a slight sensation of warmth and air passing through parts of my exposed body. I looked down and gasped at what I saw. I had on a yellow bikini top with matching thong and a beige skirt. The knitted scarf that was wrapped around my neck was red and faded into orange and yellow. I also noticed that my hair was up, a mess of braids and beads held up in a ponytail and a blue headband. The long sleeves were soft and the silk texture made air pass through them efficiently making them all right to wear in warm weather.

"Great it worked!" Shinra

"Do you think you can make one for Yunie?"

"Yeah, I think I could make one from the sphere that wasn't a dud"

"Great!"

"I can't believe it worked…but then again I am a genius"

"What worked…whoa!" Buddy said looking me up and down and then blushing.

"What the HELL ARE YOU WEARING?" It was the first time Brother had said something with out a strong accent

"It's called a dress sphere! Shinra invented it" I said putting my hands on my hips.

"Um…oops?" Shinra chuckled nervously

"I will kill you"

"Hey calm down, I'm sure it's..." but Buddy kept checking me out. I couldn't help but feel a little shy around him now. I felt my cheeks get warms as I began to blush.

"Stop staring at my sister!"

"Sorry" Buddy said turning around. I pouted.

"I think it's cool, right Shinra?"

"The outfit is quite becoming!"

Brother growled and soon he was chasing Shinra, cursing the day he was born.

"Hey buddy, can you take me to Besaid, I really want to see Yunie"

"Sure anything for you!" he said not making any eye contact with me.

I decided that it was best to take off the dress sphere. if I wanted Buddy to at least look at me again.

* * *

I put the notebook away and leaned on the edge of the spring. It was great to be able to relax. I closed my eyes and submerged into the warm water.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading and remember to review 

Responses:

Shi-Sha Hariken: it's great that you're reading something that you wouldn't normally like to read. You look like an open person and I admire that. Thanks for supporting my view on Baralai!

ChErRyBlOsSoMs-FlOwErOfDeAtH: I think that the side story with Baralai won't come up anymore in the up in coming chapters. To tell the truth I think that's all the attention until the sequel. But it will be in X-2 mode after this so hang on if you're a TidusxRikku and/or GippalxRikku fan. It's going to get very dramatic.

Hitomi Fanel: I don't want to give the ending away but she will expose the journal, to who I haven't decided yet. The Baralai side story will not be addressed anymore, but look at my bio if you want to know why. Don't worry; I didn't bring up Baralai randomly. He will have a major role in the future.

RiPa: thank you. And yes you hit the nail right on the head.

ElusiveFoxFire: Hey from your profile I can tell you're a fan of the pair. I wish I could do a story that involves Paine (all dark and stuff) and connect it with Crimson Confessions but I already have the sequel planned and Paine already has a love interest. I'm not very good at writing yaoi/yuri fics. So I tend to stay away from writing those so that I don't embarrass myself. But that doesn't mean I don't read them cuz I love boy/boy (hence my obsession with Yami no Matsuei and Gravitation) and I don't mind reading yuri. I would like to try to write one and if in the near future I do I will make it PainexRikku. I'll probably start out small with a one-shot and make the romance subtle. I've been writing for this website for about seven months now and I think I'm still pretty green, so I think with time I'll be able to explore other genres and pairings. I wish I could create what you want but I don't think I'm ready at the moment. I want it to be well written. So when that beautiful day comes that I get an idea for it I will let you know and I will dedicate it to you. Just don't wait on me and get your hopes up too high, I'm pretty lazy. If you're exploring with the "darkness thing" then you can write your own Paine fic or one shot dealing with her, I bet it would be great.

Anichan: She is basically death with a cute face. I don't know what her final count will be at the end of the fic but I'm sure she's breaking records.

Keep Me In The Shadows: I had no idea on how to write O'aka. So I did the stereo typical and mocked all his words. I wanted Tidus to have some game. I mean I didn't want all those looks to go to waste.

Leila Nami: Thanks for your positive criticism. I always enjoy improving…or trying to anyway. I hope in this chapter the sentences weren't that choppy. I think they still are. I tried my best making them flow so I hope this chapter did better!

Sum1special: Thank you so much. I'm just not feeling very happy but as I'm writing this I don't feel as bad. Hopefully when I leave on vacation I'll get better.

Blood Pixie: Man you sure know how to pick me up lol. I'm just going to take some time off to be away from people who are making things difficult for me to live. But don't worry I'm not feeling as bad as before, like I said time away will do me some good.


	13. The Gullwings

A/N: Hello again loves. I'm not going to lie but I just lost the urge to write this for a while. But somehow I hit my 'Rikku groove' (which tends to put me in the mood to write for hours) I will tell you now that I'm not giving up on this story. It is my baby, my first fanfic ever and although I dislike the earlier chapters (which I hope to edit and fix once this fic is done) I find that as I progress with it, my writing is getting better. I have updated two chapters (filler chapters) and you guys can review them separately or together it doesn't matter to me. Updates will be irregular but I promise I will try to refrain from updating after three and a half months. (God you guys probably hate me)

Disclaimer: I don't own final Fantasy X or X-2…if I did I would be swimming in money instead of writing.

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: The Gullwings

The tip of my nose twitched as I inhaled softly. Cracking open an eye, I found my gaze being met with hills of silky warm fur and granite walls. I was in a cave and the delightful essence of the water springs laid behind in my dreams. I sat up and stretched, feeling some joints pop and muscles twitch as they were put to work.

I was grateful that I was still in my bathing suit and that a female Ronso didn't attempt to undress me. A flush heat came to my cheeks thinking about it. The idea didn't upset me as much as it should have. But I guess that's what happens when a person is sexually curious about the same sex.

I changed into my Alchemist dress sphere (since prancing around in a thief outfit at the top of a mountain didn't seem like a warm idea) and headed out of the cave with my bag in toe.

"Did Rikku sleep well?" Kimahri said as I reached the opening of the mountain trail where he usually stood. I politely greeted the rest of the Ronso and smiled at him

"It was the best sleep I've had in a while! The cave was so warm that I forgot that I was on the mountain."

"Scared mountain protected you."

"Well, I don't know about that." I laughed trying desperately to accept the concept of a sacred place trying to protect something as tainted as me.

"Will Rikku leave soon?"

"Oh yeah, I have to make it to Zanarkand before brother gets there. If he doesn't see me, he'll get a heart attack" I laughed again. Why was I feeling so uneasy?

Kimahri didn't say anything nor did he smile. He merely crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well anyway, I guess I'll leave now!" I said walking slowly away from the frozen awkward air between us.

"Rikku not go alone," I heard him say behind me. "Basik Ronso will escort Rikku to Zanarkand."

"Why?" I said

"Mountain fiends are not easy, they are angry with rage."

This bit of information was filed away in the memory bank of my brain.

"It safer with Ronso to help."

"Thank you"

And so I was escorted up the mountain. I thought using the teleporters would be safer but Basik told me that the fiends kept destroying them. While walking up I noticed that we didn't encounter any fiends what so ever. The first thought that occurred to me was that maybe Basik had on a Charm bangle so that we would go undetected. But soon that idea was thrown out as I saw his azure eyes dart from side to side, waiting and anticipating an attack. It dawned on me how the situation it self brought a feeling of dejavu as the day I walked through Macalania forest. Just like the earth that barely held on to the dying trees, it's fiend supply had proved to be unyielding.

Taking the long route to Zanarkand I was worried that brother was already there with Buddy holding him back to prevent him from mauling me. But to my surprise the dork didn't show up.

I bid my farewell to Basik and sat on a piece of ruin. Zanarkand hasn't changed one bit. The air held on to its nostalgic feel and the pyreflies danced and glided in the air. I sighed knowing that there wasn't anyone there since Issaru had up and left after the Venagun incident. The true keepers of Zanarkand became the monkeys and if I wasn't careful I would not only end up bored but broke as well.

I decided that to pass the time I should continue on with my story.

* * *

Journal Entry #12 

I twiddled with my fingers as I waited outside of pop's office. My mind scrapped for any reason that would validate my going out in a very revealing thief outfit across Spira in the hopes to find who the man on the sphere was. Simply saying that it might be Tidus would not win him over but if I brought up the fact that maybe Yuna would want something to do with it, then maybe he would consider it.

The door opened and I looked up from my thoughts. A worker came out with his arms full of rolled up plans. My presence startled him and he almost dropped the paper cylinders as he eyed what I was wearing. He blushed and stumbled towards his destination. I took a deep breath; this was not going to be fun.

I opened the door and felt the air conditioner rush out towards me. Pops was there, sitting with a frown on his face eyeing at a plan on his desk. He didn't look happy and I felt that my timing couldn't have been more off. I closed the door behind me softly so that I didn't give away my presence. Pressing my feet gently against the floor I made my way up to his desk. I was so close yet he still didn't look up. He grumbled at the plan in front of him and I chose the moment to study him then. His head hung low and his shoulders slouched with stress. The once smooth skin on his head that shinned under the sun was now gruff with gray blondish stubble and deep creases that gave the appearance that they were dusty with age.

My chest rose and fell deeply as I silently counted in my head. My throat felt tight as I opened my mouth to speak.

"Pops?" I squeaked

At the sound of my voice he shot up from his seat.

"What in the hell do you thin…"

He stopped as his bottom jaw dropped and his green eyes darkened as they surveyed my attire. I bit my lip and closed my eyes knowing very well what was going to happen next.

"WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!"

His voice was so loud that my ears screamed and covered themselves.

"I can explain!" I said on the defensive.

"You better start before I go berserk in here!"

"Pops, I know this isn't appropriate, but it's a new invention that Shinra came up with to help me in battle."

"That little pervert" he scowled and looked down as if thinking a way to extract his revenge.

"There's something else too…"

His face almost looked ill, as if I could make things any worse.

"…I'm going away,"

He took a deep breath and let it out. He stood up straighter now and was more composed. Now that the worse was over, he was going to give me a chance to explain myself.

"Where are you going to go" he asked quietly. He looked so serious that I took it upon myself to choose my words carefully. A misunderstanding could lead to something that would make the rift between us even bigger.

"Well, Kimahri found a sphere on the mountain. _He _was on it trapped in some cage. I figured that since Yuna was so close to him that maybe I should go and take it to her…"

"…so that you two can go save him." he said finishing my sentence. I pouted and clasped my hands together.

"Please pops?"

He stared at me and grunted but then sighed defeated as he saw that I wasn't giving up on my puppy-dog face.

"All right you can go, but make sure you and Yuna get some help so you don't go off killing your selves for that boy" he said crossing his arms over his chest. I always thought he did that to make himself look authoritative.

"Thanks pops" I said smiling and turned around happy that I wasn't mauled to death.

"Rikku."

I stopped in my tracks and turned around.

"Good luck," he said.

I wasn't expecting that but the comment made me look at pops in a different light for a minute.

----------

While packing my bag I couldn't help but feel my skin shiver from excitement. My gut was telling me that this was going to be another adventure. It was something to do other than mope around in the desert and feeling sorry for myself. I could begin to travel the world and not have so many limits. Sure I was still Al Bhed and certain places did not appreciate my heritage but I knew my status with Yuna would give me an advantage to reach into those areas where my people were still looked down.

Finished and satisfied with my packing I closed my bag and admired my work. Mess was the wrong word to describe the condition of my room. I sighed and rubbed my temples. I really did not want to start cleaning.

"To think that you live up to the phrase 'I have nothing to wear'. Nice get up, did you dress like that for me?"

I turned around knowing all to well who the voice belonged to. Gippal and his cocky smirked greeted me and at the moment my heart jumped into my throat. I hadn't seen him in such a long time and to see him actually standing there in my room brought about a feeling of a warm current through my body.

"Gippal!" I said running towards him. He picked me up and twirled me around.

I hugged him so close to me that I could smell the husky scent of cologne and desert. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he walked over to the bed. He laughed at my eagerness and I brushed my lips against his neck, tasting the sweet salt of his sweat.

I jumped off him and sat on the bed while he sat next to me.

"Going somewhere?"

"I'm going to start sphere hunting with Brother and Buddy and we're going to pick up Yunie in Besaid."

"So I take time off from my job to spend some time with you and you go off running away and half naked no less!" he said falling back on the bed.

"Gippal!" I whined.

He laughed and pulled me close to him. I felt heat rush up to my cheeks as I felt my chest brush up against his. My lips brushed against his and temptation began to nibble on my bottom lip. I felt like I wanted to consume him. Greedily I engulfed in his kiss making his warmth my warmth and letting desire rule his fingers as they found their way towards the knot of my top. I had to stop it before it got out of hand.

"I have to go before my brother blows his lid." I said reluctantly breaking away.

"So will I be seeing you anytime soon?" he said sitting up.

"I don't know do you have a sphere?"

"Yeah the one hidden in my--hey!" he said as I pinched his ear.

"Gippal, can't you stop being perverted?"

"Ok, ok, sorry." He laughed. I smiled because I felt so sure that I was the one making him happy. Then his face took on a serious tone.

"Just be careful out there. Sphere hunting will bring out the worst in people."

"Don't worry, if worst comes to worst I'll take my top off to distract who ever and have Yuna take the sphere." I laughed.

"Now who's being perverted," he winked.

--------

As soon as I placed my bag on my bed of the ship, I went straight to the main control center. Shinra was busy typing away on the computer. He said he was making the final adjustments to the sphere that Kimahri found so that it could be used as a dress sphere. Brother was busy flying or at least trying to look useful. I walked towards Buddy who was still having trouble having any type of eye contact.

"We have a new member," he said.

"Really? Who?"

The door slid open to reveal a young woman with a serious face and leather attire. She walked down the stairs and stood next to buddy and crossed her arms over her chest. I noticed that she had crimson eyes.

"Hey" she said more to Buddy.

"Hi I'm Rikku! Nice outfit" I said putting out my hand.

"Paine." she finally realized my presence.

"So how are ya? Are you excited about this sphere hunting gig?"

She looked past me and walked in that direction. I looked at Buddy who shrugged and put his hand on his hip.

"She's bursting with conversation," I said rolling my eyes.

Buddy laughed walked towards his seat on the ship. I sighed and pressed the button to de-activate my dress sphere. If I was going to Besaid to pick up Yuna I at least might as well go looking more appropriate.

* * *

The sound of an airship landing made me close the journal and look up. The rustic sound of the large metal door opening made me get up and walk towards it. I hoped that brother was ready to receive my warm welcome. If Buddy was there then he was in luck, I just might need someone to restrain me from killing him.

* * *

A/N: well I hope you guys enjoyed it and go on to enjoy chapter 14! 


	14. Unrequited

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy X or X-2

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: Unrequited

After my failed attempt at killing my brother I lounged around the Cabin for a while. I had my journal with me as I waited for Barkeep to complete the task of making breakfast. I offered to help him but he insisted that it was not needed. I smirked from my seat by the counter. I think he feared that I would slip in some mystical potion or something of that nature that would end up with brother being in sick or in pain.

"How's the trip going so far?" I turned to see to whom the familiar voice belonged to. I was surprised to see Buddy standing there and even more dumbfounded that I didn't hear him coming. I guess thinking about murderous ways one could kill a sibling tended to render one deaf of the world around them.

I gave Buddy a lazy warm smile.

"It's great. I never thought that Spira had so much to offer." I laughed.

"I'm happy you get that luxury." His comment came off bitter with a hint of envy embossed in the shell of each word. I frowned noting that I may have offended him.

"I'm sorry." I whispered

"Huh?" he looked at me and even though he wore his goggles I could tell that his emerald orbs were concerned. "Oh no Rikku, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come out that way, and I honestly meant nothing by it."

I gave a soft chuckle.

"I'm surprised that you're not hostile towards me. I mean yeah I helped save Spira from Sin but I was just a guardian and that right shouldn't just give me the chance the go out and explore the world while my race is still frowned upon."

"Don't be so hard on yourself ok? You helped defeat Venagun and live to still brag about It." he chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest and then ended up with one hand on his hip. "You are living proof that our people can do anything," he said pointing at me.

"But are they accepted?" I asked. "Let's not forget that while Yunie, Paine and I did most of the physical work, you Buddy and Shinra and I regret to say brother helped save Spira too."

He looked shocked at my revelation and looked away concealing his blush.

"I'm not the only Al Bhed that has kept this planet safe." I said standing up and turning his face towards my own.

"And yet our people get no respect." I turned away from him and walked back towards my stool. I couldn't stand to look at someone from my own race and still feel connection towards them. I was alienated from the world because I was Al Bhed and I was alienated from the Al Bhed world because I helped save the people that have grown to hate us.

"All isn't lost though." He sat down on the stool next to mine. "People are more open to technology despite what happened with Venagun and Sin. It's a small welcoming but we take what we get. In time Rikku, we'll be able to explore the world and basket in its treasures. But until then we can only take baby steps because it's not like we aren't ready, it's the world that isn't ready for us."

The breath I took in from the stale air-conditioned air calmed my guilt-jumbled nerves down. Buddy's logic made me feel better.

"The way time is flowing I feel like it'll be seven lifetimes before the world is ready."

"Maybe so but with each lifetime they'll be given the chance to catch up." he chuckled.

I hugged him where he sat and held on tightly.

"Thanks," I said and I felt his body tense underneath me. His heart pounded through his chest and met with mine. I rested on face on the crook of his neck and felt him return the hug. His arms were strong but I could tell that he was trying his best not to shake. He smelled like home and suddenly a homesick feeling rose to my throat.

"I guess I should help brother; I'm scared he might run us into the ocean or something" he said clearing his throat and letting go. I moved far enough for him to stand up. His face was a slight pink color but I was not going to voice it and make the situation more embarrassing for him.

"Yeah," I said

He left with the door sliding behind him. I sat there in his stool feeling a bittersweet about what just happened. Things with Buddy had always been this way, always awkward with a slight hint of unrequited love in the air. I don't know why the sweetest guys end up falling for a person like me. I turned to the counter and saw my journal and opened to a fresh page.

Maybe if I actually fell in love with one of them guy then I would actually be happy.

* * *

Journal Entry # 13 

With the addition of Yuna the Gullwings were now complete. I was excited that the new adventure had just begun. Aside from finding more information about who the blonde was on the mysterious sphere we went about Spira doing odd jobs that required us to achieve a sphere (and then pocketing it for ourselves of course).

At the moment we were in the pursuit to find Yuna's dress sphere that was now missing. The culprit had been using the sphere to impersonate her through out Spira. Yunie became a celebrity quickly but her modesty prevented her from actually taking advantage and enjoying it. But that didn't mean that Paine and I couldn't benefit from it.

Even though she was cold in the beginning and barely opened her mouth. I managed to get Paine to speak in complete sentences (that weren't insults) and managed to leave the negative numbers from her weird point system. But she wasn't in the mood to talk to me so I was just walking around the ship trying to find anything to do.

I made it to the engine room where I saw Buddy hunched over with a part in his hand. The engine he was working on was off while the others pumped with speed.

"Hey, need any help?" I asked making my presence known. He looked up and smiled.

"Oh, hey Rikku. Sure" he scooted over and I knelt beside him. He was taking out the bolts from the part and exposing the membrane where it received all of its commands.

"So did anything come up?" he asked focusing his attention on the part and not me. My fingers brushed the toolbox and I eyed the various tools.

"Not really, brother hasn't done his dorky disco dance yet so I guess the computer is still searching for a signal."

There was a silence between us as he kept working on the part and I kept skimming for a tool that would be of any use to him.

"So, are you doing ok?" he asked breaking the thick silence with a sharp click of his tongue.

I nodded my head but remembered that he wasn't looking at me.

"Yeah, why you ask?" I picked up a screwdriver and handed it to him.

"Well, I'm just a little worried since Gippal is working at the temple."

I stopped my search from looking for another tool and looked at him. Where was he going with that statement?

"Are you happy Rikku?"

I almost lost my balance and fell sideways at his question. I had everything that I wanted now. I had people who loved me, a sense of acceptance from the world from doing my part in saving the world from Sin and Gippal.

"Yes" I whispered trying to convince myself.

"Then why did you pause?"

It was like a slap in the face. The reality of it was that I wasn't happy. I still thought of myself as a hideous monster that if loved, would destroy in return. How could I ignore that I still felt shaky about the relationship I had with Gippal. I still felt miserable at home and to boot no one still had the guts to trust me. The fact of the matter was that I was too busy drowning in my own self-pity to actually admit that I was happy. Nothing in my life had gone well and nothing would in the future. It was a statement that I had chosen to accept and live by, while I put on the glass mask of lies that portrayed happiness. I felt like I was caving in myself. I suddenly didn't want to be in the engine room anymore.

"I'm sorry for asking that, I guess I'm just mad at myself." he sighed and finally looked at me. I noticed that he wasn't wearing his goggles and that his green eyes almost glowed in the dark.

"Why?" I thought that I had lost my voice underneath all the shame that was overlapping in my throat.

"Because…I'm in love with you."

My eyes widened at his revelation. Then all the memories of him being so nice to me flooded in. he was always on my side making sure that if brother he backed me up with his logic. Even the times when I desperately wanted companionship he was there to offer it but I was too blinded by my own angst to see him standing there. It wasn't fair that he wanted to love something as irresponsible as me. How could he?

"I know, I'm an idiot to say that but when I see you with him you look happy but sometimes I question if you really are. You smile so much that it's so hard to tell. I don't want you ending up with a broken heart because of Gippal. You deserve better even if you don't think you might. I don't know if I can make you happy but I know if you gave me the chance I know that I could try."

His words were making me slightly shake now as tears were coming down my eyes.

"Rikku."

I looked at him, biting my lip to keep myself from sobbing uncontrollably. I leaned in and I did what I hoped to be the right thing. My kiss had caught him off guard and he almost fell backwards. The awkwardness of it made me feel like we were eight. But as soon as his shock wore out he began to respond. When we broke I felt so guilty. I didn't kiss him because I returned his feelings. I felt pity and that was a feeling worse than hate. I looked down at my hands avoiding his eyes and I figured that my actions spoke enough for him to understand.

"I see." he said

"I'm sorry." I said trying to make him know that I felt terrible about what happened.

"It's ok…maybe in another life time."

"Yeah, sure." I said.

We worked in silence as we fixed the part for the engine. He wanted to stay behind and clean up. I didn't push him to join me in the elevator. I was sure he had a lot to think about with out me hovering over him making him feel even more unwanted.

I needed fresh air.

-------------

I went up to the deck where Yuna and Paine were chatting. I had to admit that I was jealous at the moment. Not because they were hanging out with each other and I wasn't there. I was jealous of _them_. I envied how Yuna was so likable and friendly. She could strike up a conversation with anyone and managed to melt the cold hearts of the most stoic. She wasn't like me. My 'perky' attitude tended to make people want to hate me because they weren't happy. They thought I was trying to be better than them. Paine was so in tune with herself and her emotions. Her carefree attitude and common sense made her a magnet even though she hated being the focus of attention. I wasn't like that. My personality repelled anyone with its intensity making people more scared to approach me. Even as I young kid I had trouble making friends because I tried too hard.

I walked up to them.

"Hey, what are you guys talking about?"

They turned and looked at me.

"Nothing that concerns you." Paine said walking past me.

"Is it that juicy? Why can't I know the secret?" I pouted and pretended to be mad.

Yuna giggled at my childish antics.

"Don't worry Rikku, it's not that serious." She said patting my shoulders.

"Yeah well! I have my own secr…whoa!" I screamed while I felt the airship give up from under me.

"Hold on!" I heard Paine yell. She was closest to the door and was holding onto the floor trying to crawl her way towards it.

The ship was plunging towards the ocean. Yuna and I held on to each other. Only when did I feel that we were sliding in the direction the ship was pointing to did I react. I took her arm and with my free hand tried my best to make my glove stick to the shiny surface. Yuna crawled holding onto my waist.

"Keep going!" I heard Paine yell. She managed to get to the door and open it. She was holding on to its frame with one hand and with the other she reached out towards us.

I managed to get to the door and made Paine take Yuna first. As soon as Yuna was inside I reached for the edge of the floor where the door and metal met. The movement proved to be a fatal one because I lost my iron grip and felt myself slip. I closed my eyes knowing that it was all over. The ship was gaining speed and there was no way that I would survive a fall to the ocean.

Someone gripped my hand.

"Rikku come on! I'm not letting you go!"

I looked up and I saw Paine.

I got a determined look on my face and began to push myself up. She pulled me hard. I saw a pale hand on her shoulder and noticed that Yuna was helping her too. They managed to drag me inside and the door was slammed. We screamed and held on to each other as the alarms rang and we could hear the ship getting closer and closer to death.

The violent shaking began to stop and I was convinced that we had already died. I felt the airship level itself and before I knew it we were back to normal again.

Yuna was as pale as ever and Paine was catching her breath. We all helped each other up and made our way to the elevator. We made it to the bridge where brother quickly ran towards us to see if we were all right.

"What the hell happened?" Paine yelled angrily.

The doors slid open, letting Buddy and Shinra inside.

"There was a mechanical malfunction in the engine room. We managed to keep it under control" Shinra said.

"As long as we're all safe and it won't happen again then I'm fine" Yuna said shaking a bit and still pale. I frowned and went to her.

"Yunie I think you should lay down," I said feeling her forehead, which was ice cold.

She nodded and brother took her to the elevator. I shook my head and hoped he didn't do something stupid. Paine went to stand behind Shinra. I wanted to thank her for not giving up on me but I was scared that she was not in the best of moods.

"Are you ok?"

I turned to see Buddy. I was surprised that he was still talking to me.

"Oh, yeah, just shaken up a bit"

He sighed in relief.

"Good." he said then it got quiet between us again.

"About earlier…" I began.

"Don't, I think it's best that we stay friends."

I raised an eyebrow and saw that he wasn't angry.

"Good, I think being friends is a bond thicker than blood." I said flicking his nose.

He chuckled.

There was a beeping sound in the air.

"We have a signal" Shinra said from his seat at the computer.

* * *

"Mish Rikku, breakfast is ready" 

I looked up to see Barkeep with a hot plate of food. My stomach rumbled a bit in excitement. I closed the journal, took the plate and thanked Barkeep.

* * *

A/N: So there you guys go. Two chapters…one update. I hope that these filler chapters weren't that boring. The rest of the story will be a bit more intense from the first half, so I guess I'm just trying to set the base with these chapters. Thanks so much for reading and remember to review. 


End file.
